Could we go on our own????? sorry long and a bit waffled

[Nordicpollan]

As I'm sure you all know by now DS2 has major special needs and unless he is at home with us he has to have a nurse with him at all times. This all works really well as he attends a post 19 course at his old high school. When he is well he attends Monday to Friday as it is 100 mile round trip.This is the nearest school /college that can deal with his needs and they makes us all feel his needs are not a huge big problem.

Stu is in a house based on the school grounds and apart from 1 other young lady the rest of the kids stay 50 weeks of the year!. This year Abbi the house manager wants to take every one to either Butlin or Centre Parks (longleat) as only Stu and 1 other of the guys has had a holiday away ever :( We are quite happy for Stu to go and it is planned they will have a long weekend . So in threoy Stu will go to school on the Monday and won't need picking up for 12 days. This gives hubby an I a wonderful chance of a break away with out us having to beg for respite as it will be classed as a school trip

Now here is the dilema we spent a month in Orlando last Sept so all had annul passes for Disney, Sea world and Universal do Hubby and I try to have 10 day in Orlando on a cheapy holiday!! It would be a chance to do things together and on our own! We have never seen fireworks at Magic Kingdom or Epcot as Stu is shattered by 7pm. We could go on rides together that never happens as 1 of us has to ride with Stu.

We could spend the day at the water parks together and both doze in the sun at the same time if we wanted too!!! We could do a segway tour together :erm:

However we have only ever gone to Orlando as a family and i'm not sure how we would cope when we got to Stus favorite rides/restaurants and Princess!!!! with out him!

This just seemed a chance to get a cheap theme park holiday in but not sure at all which way to go.

Abbi(house Manager) has funding for all the kids as well as the staff to go away from a charity trying to give medically challenged kids a break. So she hopes to take every one from all the kids , care staff, nurses, cook and cleaner as well as stealing one of the schools physios so that it fels like a big family holiday. How wonderful is that :grin:

Now Am I brave enought to go to Disney with out him :confused2

We don't have lots of spare cash this year and between hospital apps for Stu and work commitments for hubby life is very busy, however Abbis prelim holiday dates and hubbys which have to taken before you lose then dates ,things are tying up scarily well.

Could you go with out your very special, special needs person!!

I am so sorry I have waffled on for so much Stu is at school and hubby is working away and it was only today Abbi asked me if I would trust them to take Stu with her, whichs says such a lot for the way she runs the house. She has 6 kids for 50 weeks a year, my son and my friends daughter in term time Monday to Friday as well in the school holidays all the other children from the main school who have booked in by there parent or SS so they don't have to go home in the summer holidays she can have upwards of 25 extra familys trying to book places and some get quite cross if they don't get in but forget for 6 of the kids it is there home at all times, Stu always has the same room even if he did go backin the holidays even though we know when he is off they use his room for someone else that needs to be close to the nurses station at all times.

So Long story Short could you go with out your tresure even if it meant really good quality time with Hubby! ( which will be really special as Hubby new work contract could mean 2 months away 1 month home)

Please don't flame me butthis wii br the only chance Hubby and I could have a break with out feeling too guilty as he will be having a fab time too with people he ttruely and trust and people I trust to be with him espeially if I can get his class roon assisent to go to as well as his physio or Annie who hasbeen his physio aid her at least 6 years and they tell each other jokes and stu loves school goosip togther,

Really waffling so so sorry


Help I'm so torn in 2 I would love Orlando espially with those anual tickets but do we go alone

Help

[BevS97]

I don't have a special needs person, but I have a friend who does, and I know how much she needs her breaks/respite. I think it sounds like an ideal opportunity for you to get away, and your son will be having a lovely holiday too, so he is not missing out.

[Nordicpollan]

Thanks Bev

I know he will safe and happy and really enjoying all they do, but what will he think about the parent tootling off the Disney with out him!!Thats my prob. I would love to see all the night time acttivitys, so pleasure island and all the clubs to eat is reauarants that I know Stu would either hate or fall as sllep in, nothing like a child in his soup to speed the mealup!!

Will be beating our selves up over until its too late to book no date :erm:

Karen

[Scotsmomma]

Go and enjoy it....you deserve it....Stu's obviously in safe hands....you and your hubby will obviously miss him....but I'm sure you'd have a lovely time

[Pluto2008]

go and enjoy yoursels, yiour son will have a fab time and im sure he would want you too. relax in the florida son!!

[Nordicpollan]

Thnak Linda,

Sty has had a really grotty year and that means twice as much work for therest of the family trying to get hin back to good health ect.

With his recently accquired new wheek chair this has started to make things look up ( almost too scared to say that!!). Hubby and I had a short break last year and with out that I don't think we wouldn,t have got to Disneyat all in 1 piece! . So as I get older I know my body and mental health need a break. As I'm sure some one has all ready posted some times looking after Stu is a brezze it chase all the so call professional that are meant to make life easier that sends me to drink!!!
Karen
Waffling again sorry

[Starfish86]

Go i say :) It sounds as if he will have a good time so you should enjoy yourself aswell. Go and have a nice relaxing break safe in the knowledge that your son is being well looked after :)

[Honeybunny]

Everyone deserves a break - so I'd say go. And have you thought about getting a pixiedust postcard sent from his favourite princess saying hop ehe has a great time at Butlins or CentrParcs. I would imagine that would bring a big smile to his face :wavey:

[Mishka]

I do have children but they are not special needs but I still feel that its really nice for husband and wife to go away and spend time together, be it a weekend in bognor or 10 days at Disney. I am also a career for my dad and even though I don't begrudge this when I go away I do enjoy the break. Its not just where you go for me its the waking each morning and thinking what shall I do today for me. I would like to go to Disney and just think about me and DH and the only responsibility would be what ride or show next. Or shall we stay till late and not for a moment think if the kids are getting tired or lost in the crowds. The difference with you and me is my children are growing up and I am becoming more able to reach this stage. Your darling son may not make it able for you to get to this stage. For you to look at Disney from a different angle I think will be great for both you and your hubby. Your not leaving him behind your just in different places at different times. Your going to miss him where ever you go and I think Disney is a great place to take your mind off things.

[loadsapixiedust]

I am also Mum to a special needs DS, so I really do understand your position. One day we will go away without him, but it is a big step for us and a trip to Disney without him is a long way off. (Our DS also has a condition which could suddenly end his life so that's a big thing for us to consider if and when we are apart).

Especially as you and your special person get older life gets a lot tougher and you need the breaks more, if you've had a tough year then you really do need a good break.

I think you deserve a special break and you'd be able to enjoy different things with just the 2 of you, Stu will be having a great holiday too, so go for it, have a brilliant time!

[Diggity-Dog]

I totally understand what you mean about doing what's normally a family thing without your son. My DS1 is a boarder at a special school he's in his 3rd year now, but when he first went i used to feel guilty every time I did anything with DS2 and DD. However DS1 loves the activities and opportunities he gets at school. I have to remind myself
that if DS1 was in mainstream school he'd have the opportunites to do all sorts trips away being one of them.

As for you going away with mobiles and the internet the world is really a very small place when it comes to keeping in touch, book a flight... :d:

Sophie x

[mainecoon lover]

I would say you deserve a break away as we all know how hard looking after our treasures can be.
I have had 3 short brakes away when dd has been in respite. We are planning on New York again in November.
Yes the first time i flew with out her was hard and to make it worse a group of wheelchair kids were on our flight. When we got there yes i missed her but i hate to say i soon started to enjoy my freedom of not having to consider if a wheelchair could get in a shop, eating when we wanted.
Disney would be a hard one for me without her to be totally honest but if you feel you can do this you should and you should not feel guilty.
Everyone deserves a break from their work so why should we not.
Book it and have lots of fun. I am sure Stu will on his holiday.

[Saratoska]

reading your thread you seems to trust the school and staff 100% so he will be fine. go and enjoy the break you deserve it and if you can't bring yourselves to go to disney then why not look at somewhere differnt LA, New York or something. you will probably find that if you go to disney you will probably do totally different things so that might help you feeling sad he isn't with you for the holiday.

I would love to go to New York for a long weekend for our 25th but our local authority can't get their act together for funding so I 100% know where you are coming from.

keep us posted what you decide

[ryhillrose]

Helo,
I'm mum to extra special ds, and I know how hard it is.

You MUST go, you deserve a break and so does your husband. Your ds will be having a great time and wiil be very well looked after by people you trust.
Think how refreshed you and you dh will be after your holiday, and you can always bring your treasure a lovely present back!!
Best wishes

Sally

[disney dave]

please go and relax and enjoy yourself,, i've been working to get a young lady with special needs and diabetes away for a long weekend with her carers and have had to tread treacle to get it to happen :confused2 but we've sorted it and she can go next weekend. the young lady has never been away without mum and dad and is so looking forward to it and is excited.

our young people with special needs need to experience things that other kids take for grannted and its so nice when people will take responsiblity for their special issues and needs. the care team who take them away get just as much pleaseure out of it seeing there clients in different cicumstances.

if you are happy that the staff know how to care for stu and you are from what you have written then go for it :wavey:

lesley

[Worgie]

I too have a special needs son, although he is only 7. We had the chance of a break without both our children last year as my mum offered to look after them for a special wedding anniversary weekend. In the end we decided to go away with the boys as I didn't think I would enjoy it as much without them. In hindsight, however, this was probably a mistake as I think everyone needs a break. When you are the parent of a special needs child so much of your time is taken up by that child and fighting for everything they need and dealing with the powers that be that you become emotionally and physically drained. I recently had a girlie weekend in NY and was amazed how well I coped being away from my kids and how lovely it was to get up when I wanted and the only person I had to think about was me!
Make sure you take this opportunity to do something for you, be it Disney or chilling at home as you may not get another opportunity for quite a while.
Let us know your decision.
Louise.

[janeprice]

Our DS2 is also special needs and we have never had respite. However, he went on a trip to France with his special school a couple of years ago (only 7 nights) and we took the chance to have a few days in Portugal with DS1 who was competing for England in his sport.

We never get the chance to do anything without Callum (DS2) so we had the chance to spend some quality time giving Elliot (DS1) all our attention for once. It was well worth is and we came back feeling really refreshed and Elliot really appreciate the opportunity to be with us on his own. Callum came back from France and had really enjoyed his time with his school pals.

All in all a great outcome for us all. He is going to Italy with them this year and we are going to go to Ireland for a few days - this time without feeling guilty!

Callum is 18 this year and it took us 16 years to 'take the plunge' so anyone reading this with a young special needs child, don't leave it so long!

GO AHEAD, DO IT WITHOUT A SECOND THOUGHT!

[lausan]

in Your case i would say yes in ours no ...we can leave ours once she up and dresed to her own devices she does not need Nursing care ....she goes away on her own with Friends But Florida always with us she loves being with Friends and im sure if they went to florida she would forget about us and go with them ,you go and have Fun like we are doing this weekend as ours is away with other Family Members dont feel Guilty feel happy for your son to have time away with others who also care
Best Wishes

[LlMEY]

We have a special needs DD who is 20... and for the first time we are considering our first break away from her in September... I can empathise very much how you feel. Having said that... it sounds like they will have a great time and be well looked after and THAT is what counts... GO and do what we are going to do and try not feel guilty... we will try and take our own advice :)

Have a GREAT time!

Regards Dave

[TinkTatoo]

I think you and DH would really benefit from the break and it would give you some valuable time together. By the sounds of it Stu is also going to have a great time and be very well looked after amongst people he is familiar and happy with.

......However we have only ever gone to Orlando as a family and i'm not sure how we would cope when we got to Stus favorite rides/restaurants and Princess!!!! with out him....

This seems to be a big stumbling block as you're worried that when you see Stu's favorite things you'll regret him not being there. The thing is to concentrate on all the new things you and DH can do and make this trip different to your usual family ones. When you see one of Stu's favorites just think of how much he'll enjoy it the next time you are all there together and how much you and DH will enjoy it with him.

Go and have a fantastic time and recharge your batteries, you deserve it

[spenners]

Get yourselves off. We have a DD who is autistic and if we had a chance to go to away on our own for 10 days to anywhere, never mind Florida, we would be off like a shot. We get a weekend away to York once a year and that is a God send to us. I sometimes think we forget we are also adults/couples who need time on our own without our children(disabled or not). I cannot remember life without our children, we were together 9 years before we had kids, and I feel blessed and proud to have my children BUT we also need to unwind and have time to ourselves. GO FOR IT :thumbs-up

[floridahippy]

I would say go - I dont have any special needs children but can imagine that your breaks are much needed. As others have said you sound as if you trust Abbi 100% for his care etc so go and enjoy your time with your dh and come back refreshed.
Have fun

[sunsetlakes]

Hi Karen

We do not have a special needs child so cannot put myself exactly in your position. We do have five children though and have throughout their lives had some time without them to allow us as a couple to enjoy each other without interruption!! When we bought our villa last year we had to go over to Orlando three times without our DS who is the youngest at 13 and the only one now at home! Whilst he would have like to come with us he accepted that we needed to go alone as there were lots of "boring bits" to do!! Anwyay to cut a long story short - he is now looking forward to our next trip, hopefully July and we will make that one extra special for him - it will be the first trip to his own villa!!
It sounds like your son will have a great time on his holiday! I would say GO GO GO, celebrate your love as husband & wife together in a wonderful place, have a fantastic time, and yes there will be rides, etc when you will feel sad because he is not with you, but you will also have time to create some very special memories which you will be able to share with him when you get home.
I really hope you decide to go, have a wonderful time if you do xx

[carys]

I think you should go ! You sound like wonderful caring parents who need and deserve a break . Stu will be having a fab time and won't be missing you . Go and enjoy it !

[melanie997@sky.]

What are you waiting for girl....go :grin:
You and your hubby absolutely deserve a well earned break and no-one, especially your son will begrudge you that.
My daughter has autism and every year she goes away with the school on a holiday. It's a break for her and us. But i know she has a fab time and we all miss her and are glad when she's back.
She's off in June to Dorset :grin:
Book that holiday and have a fab time :)

[KES]

I've not got special needs children so I don't know what you go through.

But like everyone else has said, I think you should go and have a really good time & do things that you wouldn't be able to do if DS was there.

We went to London for 2 nights last year - the first time in 13 years that we have been "away" with out our 3 kids. We stopped out till really late, enjoyed a look round the natural history museum with out falling out & arguing & looking for a toilet! It was heaven.

Get off on your own & enjoy.

WDW will still be there next year, so you can take DS then.
xxx

[lotti]

i would say you deserve it , go and enjoy yourself as you never know when the opportunity will arise again.
:mickeywal :mickeywal :mickeywal :mickeywal :mickeywal

[Nordicpollan]

Thank You all so much for your posts.

We're still not sure how this will pan out. We both know we do need a break but between work, hospital appointments and all the other crud that has needs sorting we might just have a break here in the UK, not quite what I had hoped for but a break is a break I guess!!

Thanks again

Karen

[sueandco]

If you can possibly work it GO. You need a break and you need quality time with each other - where better than at that magical place. You know that your DS will be well looked after and will be happy (and that is the most important of all) and so will not be missing you. I know how difficult it must be but in the long term your own needs must be taken in to account and it seems that this would be the ideal opportunity. Fingers crossed that you can make it happen.

[pongo]

Well have you booked it yet ?????????You absolutely deserve to have some good quality time as a couple as parents of any child its all too easy to forget about your relationship and get bogged down with day to day life my parents have adopted 3 special needs children who are now 24,20 and 17 and they value their respite weekends so much in fact they have gone for respite this weekend so mum and dad get to spend some time with each other i would go for it :grin:

[hayleyandhilda]

i would say that you and your husband shold go and enjoy it ....everybody needs abreak sometimes and Stu will be on holiday too i'm sure he would want to know that you were enjoying yourselves

[Sheeps68]

Go for it and enjoy it. I would see it as a chance of doing the things you would like and Stu not. Therefore he is having his holiday doing the things he likes and you are doing the same. After all I dont suppose his holiday would be what you'd like and if you're doing the things he wouldnt like he's not missing out either!

[ERICSMUM]

I don't have children so my views might not be valid. But it sounds like your Stu is enjoying his life with his friends, he will be with people that obviously care for him and are professionals. I would say go to Orlando, knowing that he is safe and having the time of his life.

Why not put together a scrapbook or photo album of the places you and hubby visit and bring back souvenirs that he will recognise. When he gets back from his holiday he is bound to have his own souvenirs and memories - you can swap holiday stores!

Do tell us what you decide. And give Stu our best wishes for his holiday.


Linda :thumbs-up

[disney owl]

I don't have a special needs child but work in respite with them & we try & take a group away every year & they have a fab time.

So if you go to Florida which I would, you will have in the back of your mind that your son is having a wonderful time too.

As much as my teenagers love WDW I think they'd choose a holiday without parents any time.

[netty]

My advice
Just go!
I have worked with kids that have special needs, the parents need a break, they only get it really when the child is at school.
so dont feel guilty just go and enjoy yourselves, you may not get another chance for a long time.

[stitch99]

Go and enjoy yourself. It maybe hard at first but you deserve a break too. You know your DS will be in good hands, with friends and having fun you two go and have some fun too.xxx

[Langport]

If you don't go then you will always be wondering what it would have been like to holiday without your DS. Remember, you need to be able to cater for his needs on a one (or two if dad chips in) to one basis. The school have aditional staff so thay can share the responisbility.
You need to charge you batteries up ready to help Him once you (and he) return from the break/holiday. To give you an analogy: a car engine (you and hubby) will only work (caring for your son) once the battery starts the engine running.

[landkmum]

A few weeks ago, DH and I had the chance to go away for a few nights without the children as they were both away with the school. We were unable to go abroad because of timing and finance so went down to butlins.

For us, the week was not quite what we had hoped it would be as literally everyone there had children with them and so it emphasised the fact that they were not with us. However, I am glad that we went. It gave DH and I some much needed 'us' time and gave us an even greater needed break (DS has AS). As well as this, it made us appreciate our children even more when they came home.

I would definitely say that you should go if you are able to. Make the most of some precious time together.

[Kazzie]

Hi,
I completely understand how you feel.
DH and me have been away on our own to Orlando for the last three years.Our youngest age 18,who is AS also has mental/behavioral health problems,so due to his explosive temper we haven't been able to take him to Orlando since October 2004.He absolutley loves it there and constantly talks about going back.That is his goal/dream for when he is more stable.

On our trip just at the beginning of this month we were constatly saying Oh Matt would have loved this or that (but were also saying that when we experienced something our other two age 21 & 23 would have loved as well and they don't have special needs!)

The answer is you may feel occasional pangs of guilt but this shouldn't put you off at all.Having that break will mean you're both stronger for when your DS comes back.You need something for you too :thumbs-up