Advice needed re; Autism and shaving for 1st time

[BarryandCaron]

DS2 has Autism, learning difficulties (amonst other disabilities) and is nearly 14. We have put off this moment for as long as we can but now is the time that DS2 needs shaving.

Does anyone have any tips on how to go about this for the first time? DS2 hates being touched and even doing his teeth is a battle twice a day:( Naturally we will be using an electric razor and going to start by using DS1's as DH has a beard.

I haven't ever found any info on personal help/tips for special needs children, I know my friend has been really worried about her DD starting her periods. I have been worrying about having to shave DS2 for ages and am absolutely dreading it (I'm in tears now just writing this for some reason)

Any help?

Caron

[Sean_and_Sue]

Caron, Sean and I supported a gentleman with autism for several years - we were lucky enough to have a fellow worker who had supported this same chap for years before we came on the scene and he actually told us about how he had introduced the razor to him.

This gentleman also had problems with being touched - he was almost fearful of contact, so everything had to be introduced gradually. The staff started off by, at wash time, repeatedly stroking a spot on the gentlemans hand. The he brushed this spot with a toothbrush, lots of smiling and reassurance. Then the razor was switched on and left running while he stroke with the brush, then he held the razor in his other hand while 'brushing' the gentlemans hand, then gradually, placed the razor on the guys hand, first switched off, then later, switched on. Eventually, he was able to firstly stroke the gentlemans face whilst holding the razor, then brush it with the toothbrush - then finally with the razor, though it took a few days before he would tolerate having his whole face shaved.

I can understand you facing this with tears - Sean and I were lucky enough to have this gentleman live with us for nearly six years, then I supported him for a further 5 - so I have some idea about how hard it is to introduce what appear to be the most basic of new, but necessary, experiences. We took this gentleman on his first trip abroad - we thought we would have problems dealing with the plane - turned out a piece of cake - the major problem was him accepting that it was OK to go out wearing shorts - he had never worn them before, and in Greece, for the first 3 days, would emerge from the bedroom, trying desparately to pull the hem of his t shirt down enough to cover the hem on the shorts:erm: And it never occured to us that it would even be an issue for him:(

As for the periods - we also had a lady who had Downs syndrome and what were called "autistic traits" living with us. She apprently accepted periods with very little upset - the major problem was in her so totally accepting them without fuss, that if her period started, she would approach the first person she would see upon leaving the bathroom, and pantomime to them that she needed assistance:erm: Otherwise, she treated and accepted the whole business in the same way as she accepted the need for using loo paper - no big deal.

HTH

Love Suexx

[BarryandCaron]

Thank you Sue for these words of encouragement. I will start trying this with Joshy next weekend. With all we have encountered with Joshy I don't know why this is upsetting me so much.

Many Thanks
Caron xx

[KarenS]

Hi Caron,

I can't give any practical advice with shaving but I do feel for you. My DD1 is almost 13 and has a severe learning difficulty. Recently her body has started to change and I know it's only a matter of time before she has a period. It terrifies me totally because she needs a lot of help with her personal care and I don't know how she will manage at school. The main problem we have at the moment is the change in her behavior - she has changed from an extremely happy easy going girl to a moody aggressive girl and can be very very difficult to manage - she gets herself into a terrible state at the slightest thing snd there is no getting her out of it - she tells me she hates me and tries to kick me and it absolutely breaks my heart although I know she doesn't mean it.

I know this doesn't help you but I just thought I would say that I can understand why you are upset.

Take care

Karen x

[BarryandCaron]

Thanks Karen

Joshy's Psych. tried to tell us he couldn't be having teenage moods as he was so severely mentally developed but we know how he is and how he is changing.

I hope you find some help for your DD and how to cope with the usual teenage problems.

take care
Caron xx

[Sean_and_Sue]

Joshy's Psych. tried to tell us he couldn't be having teenage moods as he was so severely mentally developed but we know how he is and how he is changing.

Caron - my sisters son has severe learning dissabilities - and I agree with you totally. Once Adam hit around 13/14, everyone who knew him could see a change in his behaviour, and it was all obviously down to puberty. It was a tough time for my sister and dealing with the attitude that young adults with LD dont go through this, the same as everyone else, was very frustrating for her:(

KarenS - I would approach the school and discus your concerns. Anyone involved with dealing with learning and physical dissabilities has to be prepared to offer the support your DD will need - its part and parcel of the whole care package, and I bet staff there have already experienced this - if you speak to them, I hope they will be able to reassure you. I have worked with a lot of ladies with learning dissabilities over the years, and I have to say that pmt is a very common problem:( I am not one for suggesting medical intervention at any opportunity, but when your DD does start her periods, if the moods you describe now transform into bad pmt, please don't hestitate to consider using something like one of the pills available to help alleviate the symptoms - the lady we had living with us really suffered, and it was tough at first - when we eventually asked the gp for assistance the attitude was for her to have a hysterectomy, because it wasn't as if she would ever have children:omg: We felt this was a ridiculously drastic approach, talked with another GP in the practise who was far more realistic and sympathetic, and he prescribed a pill which not only helped the pmt, but made the periods lighter and shorter, which was really beneficial to her. It is hard for youngsters with disabilities to cope with situations like puberty, periods, pmt - the thing that annoys me is that often the same things that would help young adults without the dissability are just not offered:(

Love Suexx

[KarenS]

Thanks Sue,

I spoke to her class teacher a while ago about the behaviour issues but she assured me there were no problems at school. It is difficult to know what to do -I think part of the problem is that she just doesn't understand what is happening to her and her language is not good enough for her to express herself in that way so I think what we see is complete frustration. DD1 attends a moderate school which covers quite a wide range of learning disability and unfortunately she is at the lower range - we don't get a lot of support from the school for these kinds of things. When the time comes I will definitely speak to my GP about medication because I really think we will need to know when her period is coming to help us cope with it. My friend who's own DD is in Rebecca's class had a very unsympathetic GP when her period came and she was very distressed and wouldn't offer any medication. Luckily she managed to find a more sympathetic GP.

I am actually quite worried about our forthcoming holiday because she is so difficult to manage at the moment. Hopefully the magic will take over!!!

Thanks again

Karenx

[loadsapixiedust]

I am reading this thread with interest as we are also fast approaching that day with DS (almost 14). I feel there is so little help with 'growing up' issues for kids with disabilities, especially learning difficulties. It is almost a taboo subject and not acknowledged that they are becoming adults with all that entails both physically and emotionally.
I really don't know whether shaving will be an issue for us, Ben does not have problems with touching his skin, he loves tactile sensations, the problem will be keeping him still.
Just now we are having a huge battle with teeth brushing as he is very oral-defensive anyway and is getting quite a few of his last adult teeth just now. I suppose this is making his mouth more sensitive, it's a nightmare!
Good luck with introducing the razor, Caron, let us all know how you get on. {{{hugs}}}

[BarryandCaron]

I am reading this thread with interest as we are also fast approaching that day with DS (almost 14). I feel there is so little help with 'growing up' issues for kids with disabilities, especially learning difficulties. It is almost a taboo subject and not acknowledged that they are becoming adults with all that entails both physically and emotionally.
I really don't know whether shaving will be an issue for us, Ben does not have problems with touching his skin, he loves tactile sensations, the problem will be keeping him still.
Just now we are having a huge battle with teeth brushing as he is very oral-defensive anyway and is getting quite a few of his last adult teeth just now. I suppose this is making his mouth more sensitive, it's a nightmare!
Good luck with introducing the razor, Caron, let us all know how you get on. {{{hugs}}}

I totally agree with you Lynn about there being no advice available for our kids and puberty issues. :angry:

Joshy is bad with his teeth every day, he can't lift his lip for us to do the top teeth and it is a fight every time (he can't be still either). Luckily so far he hasn't had to have any dental treatment which will be an admittance to hospital if he does.

We have put off shaving Joshy as long as possible but we can't any longer.

Caron

[TinkTatoo]

I totally agree with you Lynn about there being no advice available for our kids and puberty issues. :angry:..............

Caron - I volunteer at a parent support group for parents of children with special needs and we have an extensive library. One of the books we have is called Taking Care of Myself (http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/1885477945/qid=1145377693/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl/202-1999190-5355010#product-details) by Mary Wrobel. ISBN 1-885477-94-5-52495

It is a fantastic book written for children with Autism to cover all aspects of health, hygiene and puberty by using easy to understand social stories and activities. It has a section on shaving and I photocopied it for you. I still have your address so I will post it tomorrow.

For KarenS and Lynn - it also covers the onset of puberty in boys and girls so might be helpful. I found it great to help explain to DS why he needs to wash regularly (he is only 9 but BO is a big problem :confused2 )

Good luck and let us know how you get on

[spider]

Thought there was summat up earlier, lucky I cut and pasted to save it, so here goes for a second time...........................


I too have been wondering how we will approach this subject as, even though Ben isn't 11 yet, I do think that puberty may not be that too far off :erm:

He really doesn't like beards already, he tells DH to have a shave and he even has a thing about a 2 day growth from under my arms - he calls it "ruskles" for some unknown reason, I think it may be like whiskers and stubble that has got mixed up!!!!:d: :d: :d: He has been taking alot of notice of by eldest DS too when he has abit of fluff and getting concerned about it!!!

So even though he seems to be used to the notion of shaving, actually doing the act may prove difficult as he has only just accepted me clipping his hair after about 9 years!!!!! I think we will have a few "episodes" where we will have to be very patient with him and perhaps let him try and do it himself with an electric shaver, though I do have visions of him becoming obsessive and wanting to shave every 5 minutes and making his face sore:(

As for that Psych who said LD children wouldn't go through teenage moods, what a load of old toffee - hormones are hormones, they will affect anybody regardless of mental capacity - my friends autistic DD is nearly 12 and the mood swings are a sight to behold, no different to any other teenage girl, and mostly as regular as clockwork, each month!!!! And that's before she has even started her periods, though I think that may not be far off if the pre-pmt is anything to go by lately, bless her:(

I wish I could give some advice but I have yet to experience the joys of Ben's puberty yet, but I do think that Sue has given some brilliant advice which I'm sure I will put into good use in the not to distance future!!!

I'm sure though we will all deal with it in our usual way, head on and sharing with friends our ups and downs along the way!!!!:pgig: :pgig:

[BarryandCaron]

Thanks Jakki :thumbs-up

Caron xx

[Miss Poodles]

Hi Caron and Barry ,although its been some days since your original post i have just come accross it and must admit it brings tears to my eyes
My son Jordan is 11 and has autism and epilepsy and i suppose we had dared not to think of dealing with such things yet (im still trying to get my head around the idea of sending him to respite ,which gives me shudders !) i know we will have to
It is so good to see all the lovely and helpful replies you have recieved already and helps to know there are others facing the same challenges as us
Lots of love and kisses xxx
ps is that joshy in the picure ? its such a lovely snap !

[BarryandCaron]

Hi Laura, yes that is Joshy in the pic but 4 years ago when we first went to WDW.

I think alot of parents like us don't like to think too much about the future, I know we don't as we just take each day as it comes. We would be nervous wrecks otherwise :omg:

Caron

[evieg1983]

i look afeter teenagers who are autistic and we seem to have a method for introducing them to shaving (most of the time!!) It is similar to what Sue suggested but we also have one of the male carers shave each morning along side them gradually getting closer and interacting more. They then get the boys to help (if able) shave the male carer whilst getting them in a similar way to sue to gradually get used to tolorating touch on there face, we use a small hard sponge before swapping it for the razor. Hope this is helpful to you and good luck!!

[BarryandCaron]

Thanks Eve, DS1 was shaving last night and we got Joshy to watch him. I've started putting moisturizer on his face to get him used to something apart from soap and water.

Caron

[evieg1983]

thats a good idea, maybe try that exfoliating stuff with the bits in as a next step, because its slightly rougher it could be a good progression when you feel the time is right.

[BarryandCaron]

thats a good idea, maybe try that exfoliating stuff with the bits in as a next step, because its slightly rougher it could be a good progression when you feel the time is right.

Thanks Eve, I'll try that tonight at bath time.

Caron

[Miss Poodles]

thanks evie that sounds like good advice x

[evieg1983]

its a pleasure laura and caron, we have tried and tested methods for most things to do with those fantastic children and teenagers with autism so i cant claim to know everything but if you ever want some suggestions on anything i may be able to help, just let me know. :) :) :)

[BarryandCaron]

UPDATE

Barry got fed up of me faffing and worrying about shaving Joshy tonight. After his bath tonight he got Ben's electric shaver and gave it to Joshy to hold. He then switched it on and held it to his face. Joshy seemed to like it and had his first shave tonight no problem. So far all my worries have been for nothing. I can't believe my little boy has had his first shave :cry:

Thank you to everyone for all your helpful advise. :thumbs-up

Caron

[Miss Poodles]

gosh im all teary reading this as my ds 11 Jordan is autistic too .WEL DONE JOSHY !!! xxxxxxxx HOPE YOU HAD A BRILL B DAY XX

[TinkTatoo]

Awww - great news Caron :thumb:

[Sean_and_Sue]

Thats brilliant Caron - so pleased it went well:D

Love Suexx

[loadsapixiedust]

Awww Caron, just read your update. Isn't that typical of our special kids that the things we get all worried about don't bother them at all. Well done to Joshy! He really is getting all grown up now, hope he had a great birthday.