Feeling really overwhelmed today (asd related) opinions please

[Dory15]

Right I'm a very level headed down to earth person.

These last few weeks we have had loads of meetings with school local authority about my eldest son and what to do for the best.

But I'm finding it hard to know where to drawer a line between making things easier and 'wrapping him in cotton wool' as the school so kindly put it.

I suppose I am doubting myself because let's face it they have a great ability when they are failing a child to turn it around.

But silly things like I started a thread about separating money for the children.

But then I thought I can because neither of my boys understand a) money concepts and b) if my daughter gets and my eldest doesn't you have a meltdowns straight away.

Then I had the thought that the wonderful head teacher said was actually we will have to learn eventually so maybe I should do it arrggghhhhh

End of term tiredness no doubt but feel like a bit of a lost lamb lol

[ali-s]

Hi, I'm not sure what you mean about the separating money, but DS18 has Aspergers, was diagnosed at 4yrs . I've always done things that keep it easy for me ( or as easy as they can be) while trying to teach him to cope with as much as possible in day to day life. I always assume it's going to take a few months and alot of repetition before he gets into a new routine or way of behaviour. Some things he's never going to get to grips with , I still take him to/from college because the our bus schedule is all over the place, different pick up points and times each day, I know he wouldn't cope with that and I'd end up collecting him , so it's easier for me if I just forget the bus and collect him every day. But I give him a time I expect him to be in the carpark waiting for me and if he's going to be late he has to phone me- this sort of works, I usually get a phone call as I'm waiting in the car park but it's taken months to get to that stage, before I'd just be waiting in the car park with no idea of when he was coming out.
Money he sort of understands, he doesn't like spending it - he refers to it as wasting it , but he will pay £1.50 for a cookie from the college canteen and not understand that's expensive, so we have an arrangement where he keeps a certain amount in his money box , available to spend by him anytime on whatever he wants, but anything over that amount goes into his bank account. He has an account with a cash card but show no interest in it, and it had a limit on what he can draw out - I keep the card as he doesn't understand it's importance.
Try and decide what your son needs to know, what you'd like him to know and what really doesn't matter ( same with behaviours) and concentrate on them in that order. And it's really not worth stressing over, unless he's harming anybody else then ignore those who criticise or expect better.
As I say, DS is 18 now and if you'd told me 14yrs ago how he'd be now I'd have been so happy - the future back then really didn't look good

[nadya]

Oh I know the feeling.ds 9 has asd and dyslexia the school report (thankfully this teacher is leaving) said he needed to listen to the teachers advice and work on his social and team skills!.oh and his spelling!.The school have not been very helpful at all -teacher advised me I shouldn't use his diagnosis as an excuse!,the same teacher who had no idea he had asd until I informed him! ..I encourage him always to try his best and he does but some things are going to take a lot of work.we have 2 other children who are being monitored for asd and the meltdowns when things are 'not fair' in someones eyes are fun! .

[Sunny Florida]

We have all had times when we have doubted if what we are doing is right or are we rapping them up in cotton wool.Its the hardest thing of all making decisions for someone that are unable to do it them selves.Just remember that you out of everybody will have his best interest at heart,if your unsure have you got a good friend that knows your situation will listen and help you make a formed choice this does not mean you want her opinion but that they will help you make the decision you need to come too.Don't be to hard on yourself you sound like a lovely careing mum just trying to do her best for her son.
X

[Dory15]

Thank you just had a really bad week couple of smacks but up we get on wards and up wards :-)

[Ming]

When DS was at junior school it was a nightmare. They accused us of being over protective and using his diagnosis as an excuse. The truth was there was no-one there that we trusted. One year into secondary school and it is like a whole new life. They have a great learning support department and basically asked us at the beginning of the year to trust them. There were times when we felt they were pushing him too hard and not allowing enough for his condition but you know what it has done him the world of good. He even manged a 5 day camp without any major problems.
It is hard but when you have professionals who know what they are doing it makes a world of difference. Our stress levels have gone right down and we can now send him to school without worrying about what will happen when he comes homes.
I think what I am saying is that sometimes pushing the boundaries in the right circumstances can be a good thing but in the wrong circumstances could be a disaster. It is a tough one but stick to your instincts and don't let anyone push you about. You know him best.

[Dory15]

Thing is school have blamed them not being able to cope with my son on teachers consistency for the last 2 years. What they expect from my son is ridiculous his targets are just not reachable!

My son makes a really high pitched noise when anxious his first target is to stop making the noises :-/ butmy argument is he isn't self harming so I'd rather he made the noises as his release rather than biting hineself headbutting things or drawing blood with his nails.

Target two he needs to spot when he is about to get angry tell a teacher and then explain why he feels like that.
Well point one my son will say he has two emotions happy angry that's it and that actually sums him up to a tee no in between. Point two my son does not discuss anything with his teachers they see this as refusal rather than he can't. And quite frankly Lewis can not always pinpoint why he is feeling anxious.

I requested that he had an area so he can have a safe place to meltdown and make noises so he doesn't disrupt others and they have set the area up the other side of the school.

Another target is not to disrupt class.
Not to get angry.
Not to refuse to take part.

If he does any of those he misses his break times which actually my son hates break time anyway :-/

So as you can see feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle and I'm sending him into the lions den come September. I've contacted his peadiatrican who is livid and is writing to the school and asking a psychotherapist to go into school.

Local authority are saying that actually maybe I should start looking at autism specific schools but one he isn't statemented and two with the correct support there is no reason (at this point in time) why he shouldn't stay in mainstream :-/

[ali-s]

Can you not get him statemented ? with a proper plan and input from a senco who knows what they are talking about you should be able to reassess his targets. It was a few years ago that DS18 was at primary school, but I always took part in a meeting with his t.a, senco, DS himself and often his teacher or head, and we'd all discuss what behaviours we'd like to change and how best to go about it and set out the targets from there. They weren't just decided behind closed doors with no discussion.

[DIBBadmin]

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