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Old 24 Oct 11, 09:12 PM  
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Team Jeans
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Feeling a bit low.

I just need to let off a bit of steam - hope it's okay? My little guy is 7, and we have been told he has ASD/Aspergers since he was 4 (declined official diagnosis due to his age, but SALT, Education Psychologist & Paediatrician all agree), told not to send him to mainstream, but we did- the school we chose embraced him and he has thrived, doing great academically and not bad socially-happy to go to school. He has been appointed a Leading Boy at Anchor Boys and we are so proud of his achievements. He was recently discharged from SALT (with some lovely comments about his behaviour, kindness and consideration to others) and this was followed by discharge from Educational Psychologist, although the school still have him attend a SULP and movement class, to help improve his understanding of social situations and stop fidgeting etc.

All looking great really, and it is, but I am struggling to control my lack of patience at certain situations. How he needs to give kids major rows in the street if they are doing anything he deems to be naughty - I mean big full-on finger wagging shouting and then finding their parents to tell them everything That in itself wouldn't be a big deal, but watching them laughing kills me as does watching Ethan's frustrations mount - instead of comforting him, I am trying to tell him (sometimes to bluntly) this is wrong and silly behaviour. Today at the park he was lying on the floor of the roundabout - I repeatedly have told him not too - I walked over to push Hannah on the swings & the next thing I heard him screaming, walking over to see what it was, he had his shoes off, crying, ranting. Apparently he wouldn't move for the other kids and 2 of the boys (younger than him) pulled him off, pulling off his shoes. A lady was trying to calm him down and I was starting to snap as he wouldn't put his shoes on - she was being nice and she asked if he had issues & I burst into tears . Within a few minutes shoes were back on and he was playing fine, all forgotten.

Things are coming more frequently at school too - insisting on taking toys to school again, 2 weeks ago a prized Lego Lightning McQueen was "taken" from the teachers desk in class. Tonight he announces he is allowed to take his DSi to school, sparks another row (more like my ranting).

I don't feel like myself anymore, I don't feel llike I am supporting my child when I should be and I just don't know what to do for the best for him - am I trying to push a square peg into a round hole. Can you help them understand that somethings are inappropriate-how do you get through? Thinking all the problems stem from me and really feeling a failure today.
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Old 24 Oct 11, 09:39 PM  
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I wanted to send you a great big HUG! I DO understand what you're saying as my 7 year old son (dx with dyspraxia although we feel there's more) is quite similar. I think it's a combination of his needs, his obsessions, and being bloody pig minded as a 7 year old finding their authority! Everything is done by bribe at the moment in this house, we've even had to resort going back to sticker charts for behaviour, I thought those days had long gone.

Nothing I can say to inspire you I'm afraid, but I wanted you to know you aren't alone.
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Old 24 Oct 11, 09:57 PM  
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A huge hug being sent your way Kirsten.

First of all you are a fantastic Mum to your 2 beautiful kids so please don't every doubt that. My youngest Logan has ADHD (same as Ethan too young to be officially diagnosed but specialists and phscholoigst have all agreed it is this). Some days I feel I am in control and get through the day with my usual bribes etc but other days I just want to cry as can't understand why my 5 year old still lies kicking and screaming on the supermarket floor or for no reason lashes out at his big brother or even myself! At the end of these days I just have to remind myself that Logan didn't choose to be like this and it is as hard for him as it is for everyone round about him. Living with a special needs child is a challenge every minute of the day but with that you feel even prouder when they do acheive something that you usually take for granted with your other children. Don't beat yourself up when you do have a bad day because tommorow will be better and just keep reminding yourself what an amazing, kind, loving and special mum you are. xxxx
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Old 24 Oct 11, 10:09 PM  
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Oh Kirsten honey - don't beat yourself up. I know that everything you do you do it for your kids! I relate to frustration if not in the same circumstances! These are tough issues you are dealing with, it doesn't all come with a magic wand or a manual, your doing your darn best and through our wee chats I know your doing a brilliant job.

I can't begin to understand how hard it must be, for all of you. Remember we're here for you when you feel like a rant. Kick, scream, let off steam- we all need to sometime.
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Old 25 Oct 11, 02:21 PM  
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Hi Kirsten,

Firstly, big hugs to you, I know exactly what your going through and know how tough it is. Our DS was diagnosed ASD at age 4 and we also insisted on keeping him in mainstream school, initially it was within an ASD unit attached to a mainstream school, but he is now fully integrated into the mainstream. At 11 he is now in first year of secondary school, academically he is doing brilliant, socially and emotionally he is suffering massively.

I can so identify with the situations you are dealing with, with your son Ethan and although I wish I could offer advise to say things get better, in reality they don't, they just change, and you will find that you begin to accept things more and adapt to everything. People can be cruel, kids too, they are ignorant of the difficulties you all are experiencing and this is hurtful I know.

The only advice I can say is keep strong, embrace all the positive things your son does, and learn to accept that for all of your son's differences, there are so many things that make him better than the rest.

I hope this helps.

Ruth
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Edited at 02:23 PM.
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Old 25 Oct 11, 03:25 PM  
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I have an 11 year old with Aspergers and the first thing to realise is it is not your fault and secondly no 2 days are the same. You are doing a great job - you can't always get it right and it is always a learning curve. You have to tell them some things are inappropriate. My boy gets into shocking rages over homework - sometimes an hour hiding under the table before he will attempt any - I still have to challenge him to do it every night and he has to realise again that kicking off is not appropriate. It is a tough journey - don't be hard on yourself.
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Old 25 Oct 11, 04:57 PM  
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Thank you all so much for your replies - it's true what they say about a problem shared being halved! I don't feel better to know that you guys are having your endurances, but it reminds me that this too shall pass I have been suffering really badly from PMS - Tommy said to me last night that he has noticed my day or two a month being a bit irritable (more than usual) has increased to about a week feel awful about that, but maybe time to speak to the Doctor about it. Also the lady at the park was so nice and then told me about her Mum having Huntingtons - made me feel even more pathetic-what hope does she have, she said she was 46 & her Mum first had it at 52 I had a good bubble about that last night. I was telling the guys at work and they were laughing about it (ribbing me), so really gave me perspective.

But today has been another day, last day of work until 5 November. I had to deal with someone particularly detestable, who made me remember that while I am not perfect, I am not awful and I am the Mum they have and each day is a new opportunity to show the kids how much I love and value them. I grew up always trying to be individual and now I have my own two little individuals I want them to blend in!

Grizabella-you did inspire me, to remind me that sometimes it's not the condition - it's just also part of being 7 (or whatever age our children are).

Emmsy - when we met you, your gorgeous kids were perfectly behaved and an absolute credit to you. I know I forget that the meltdowns really are just a tiny percentage of the day/week and that usually they are coping fantastic! The tantrums aren't what defines our kids.

Sharon - Thank you for your lovely words.

McPlod - I have read so many of your posts and have been inspired by you.

Dramamama69 - We have the homework issues too, not tonight funnily. Everything you said resounded with me - even your Username!lol.
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Old 25 Oct 11, 05:42 PM  
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Firstly sending hugs to you. My little boy has lots of problems as well and sometimes we mums of our special children have to remember that we are only human and are trying to do the best we can. I sometimes have really brilliant days that float by in a drift of happy contentedness. Other days are truly awful and I do sometimes shed a few tears but then you pick yourself up and get on with it.

It's good to let things off your chest and also for you to remember that you are a great mum.
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Old 25 Oct 11, 06:06 PM  
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Team Jeans

Just want to send you my big hug...

I know how you feel same as I do with my dyparaxia son too...

Remember nobody is perfect...

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Old 25 Oct 11, 08:30 PM  
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just checking back in on your thread Kirsten and glad to see that you seem a lot more upbeat with your last post. It is so true that a problem shared is a problem halved. My dad used to say to me that if we could all put our problems in a great big jar and take an equal share we would gladly take back our own, cheesy I know, but I find that when things get rough if I remember that thought then it helps a little.

Just thought I'd share something that our son used to do with the neighbour which reminded me so much of your son doing his finger wagging thing at the kids, when our neighbours were at work they would leave their cat out and this really used to upset Thomas that he always would pull the neighbours about it, words to the effect of "you really need to take better care of your cat"

Diplomacy may not be a strong point, but on the plus side you have to respect the honesty, and thankfully we can smile about it.

I'm sure there are so many memories that you have that make you smile too.

Also, thankyou so much for saying my posts have inspired you, that really touched me and means a lot.
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