Asphergers/autism help

[lorrie36]

Hi,
I'm an old hand (or thought I was) at the autism thing. My eldest is on the spectrum. My youngest is definitely on there somewhere. But, has totally different difficulties, he's very clever,gets on much better with older kids(he's 9) cannot cope with the social side of life(esp break times at school) and the only way he sees he can deal with things is to get violent with other kids.
Of course I don't condone this,but he's getting into lots of trouble,he also has to defend himself a lot, then when he's telling teachers why,the other kids always stick up for each other(been the same 5 kids for about 2 years) so he gets into lots of bother.
Yes on paper it reads he is a trouble maker,but he's very ,black and white,right or wrong and a stickler for rules.
He's finding it harder to deal with since his sister left his school. When you have your 9 yr old sitting crying saying he hates going into school and has no friends,it's heartbreaking.
Anyone else had this kind of difficulty,he's a very very sensitive little guy, but finds it hard to deal with the social side of things.

[plutofan1]

Speak to the school senco
They should be able to put something in place for break and lunchtime
Our school has a "fun club" which is somewhere to go which is quieter for those that need support at lunch - its manned by a member of staff and Is by invitation only to keep the numbers small

[ali-s]

DS19 has never been violent but also struggles with certain social situations. Throughout school and college there was always an area or room ( learning support room at college) where he could go at break times or just if he needed to be somewhere quiet. Your school should have similar in place for your DS. Would it be possible to drum a new 'rule' into your DS that if these kids start bothering him/ teasing him etc he is allowed to say one sentence ( something along the lines of ' I am not talking/arguing with you as it will end in trouble) and then head immediately for the area/ room where he can calm down ?. Obviously his teachers would have to be onboard and supportive but it's not a big ask for someone on the autistic spectrum to be able to remove themselves from a situation they know is going to escalate.

[lorrie36]

Yea thanks for that,my eldest had his own safe space,but not really put into place until he went to big school.
They don't seem to have anything like that, but here's to working with them on it.
We are trying a red card, it's harder when there's 5 or 6 kids around, to use things that don't draw attention to him.
It's harder when there's no diagnosis , but here's to hoping things get in place.

[Hils18]

I can totally relate to what you have written. I have a 9yr old son, who is on the spectrum, he also finds school and social life very hard. He totally hates playtime and Dinner time...he just cannot handle the hall and the amount of ppl and noise. I think some schools, can relate to our kids, where others cant... hope you can work something out, for him.

[suejo177]

Hi can totally relate to your experience my ds is 17 now but when he was at Primary school was a total nightmare. He was diagnosed with Aspergers and a host of other problems when he was 6. Initially, school were sympathetic, he went to a small independent school and upset the headmaster when he started by refusing to do what he was told! He was just the same as your son and he still is! Everything is black and white and he struggles to be empathetic. He was gradually ostracised by the children in school, they would taunt him and when he reacted they would blame him and he would get into trouble. I can't tell you the number of times I would have to go to see the headmaster. It got so bad we were asked to take him out of school. DH told them we were going nowhere! DS is very clever passed 11+ and went to Grammar School. They were fantastic! He still suffered in years 7&8 but school put lot of things in place to help him. The Senco, who was great told me in year 7 that he would struggle until Lower 6th. I wanted to post to tell you that things do get better DS is now "comfortable in his own skin" he has a small group of friends, he is doing well in A levels, hopes to go to Uni next year. He still has the odd flare up usually with his DS! But he has learnt to cope with his Aspergers, he even has a sense of humour.
If someone had told me how DS would be at 17 when he was 9 I would not have believed them. I know what you are going through and how stressful and upsetting it is but hang in there it does get better

[lorrie36]

Thank you so much for posting, it feels like im just waiting for the phone to ring or for him to tell me how bad a day he's had. My eldest has come through a rough time,but he had/has learning difficulties,I thought that was hard enough. But it seems difficulties or not,same type of experience can be had. I shall battle on, diagnosis or not lol. Thanks again,it really helps knowing im not imagining it.

[Guest]

Hi! Reading through these posts has made me realise how little has changed over the years. My son is almost 26, but we managed to get him diagnosed at 3 years, and found a wonderful school for autistic children. He stayed there till he was 19, and he had the best education he could have had. I heard so many stories from other Mums who were struggling for help and diagnosis, and I must say, I think things are worse now. And don't start me on when he became an adult with autism!
I really feel for you and your family. Hope you find some comfort here.

xxMel

[angelbaby29871]

I am finding the same thing but it's my DD that is struggling. She really struggles with social side of school. She has a group of 3 friends at school but does not socialise with them after school. She can't cope with large groups or even her class size. She is now going to start nurture class soon. They will be observing her and helping her to find coping strategies when she struggles. She often says inappropriate things and has no idea that what she says is hurtful in anyway. But if you point it out to her that she shouldn't have said what she did and it was hurtful she will burst into tears at the thought she's upset anyone as she doesn't realise it was hurtful. She will not approach a group of peers to interact with them at all and she has always been like that. From what I've discussed with the school they will be using some sort of grading system so I'm thinking are they checking for aspergers. I have no idea what they are looking for but its heart breaking to watch your child walk to and from school on their own with their arms wrapped around them looking so lonely and sad. She doesn't interact with any other child after school and it's just her. She copes with her school work and will talk when the contact is initiated by the other person but won't do it herself. I don't know if I'm seeing more than is actually there.

[DIBBadmin]

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