101 Palpitations Day 10 Plight of the Navigators

**rummy63** · 19 Nov 10, 01:33 AM

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We were up and off at 7.00 am this morning.

To be honest if I could have foreseen what lay ahead I would have stayed in bed.

We were awarded our complimentary cup of coffee in reception.

I thought the stuff in Ludlow was bad this stuff tasted like Carnation cream infused with a hint of nail polish remover.

Fortunately there were vending machines so we bought plenty of bottled water.

Yesterday we used the Bing map and directions, we didn't put a foot wrong.

However Dumb and Dumber think there is a quicker way to Bakersfield .

I don't see how because it is one long straight road.

Damien is back in pride of place on Dumbers knee again.

We drove on a back road passing vineyards and dairy farms and vineyards and dairy farms.

We were travelling at 10 miles an hour because more often than not we were behind trucks carrying manure or cattle.

I really, really enjoyed the trip through someones farm yard and getting chased by a load of mexicans in a 4 by 4.

Straight up.!

We ran out of road and finished up on a farm.

Well I say farm there was about a thousand cattle pens there and no road.

In the distance we could see a white truck hurtling across the field coming towards us. There was a load of Mexicans on the back.

That meant either the inhabitants of the pens were returning home or the Mexicans thought we were cattle rustlers.

There was only one course of action

TURN AROUND AND LEG IT!

We passed more Vineyards and dairy farms.

The few places we did pass that sold food had all foreclosed.

I'm not surprised there is no way anybody would want to eat in this stink.

I really wish I could photograph smell.

Its a mixture of stale wine and sour milk coupled with a bouquet of cow crap.

As it is getting cooler we are driving with the windows open.

Apparently using the air con doubles fuel usage.

I don't know who Dumb and Dumber think they are kidding.

It's got nothing to do with eco-friendly or eco-nomics.

It's because they are suffering from C.D.D.

Clue Defecit Disorder.

Haven't a clue where we are.

Haven't a clue where the next gas station is.

I hid my bag of Werthers Originals and a bottle of water as if we carry on much longer the food and water will be rationed as well.

Finally two hours later we hit the freeway.

The next place we see that sells food we are stopping

It turned out to be an I HOP.

It was totally empty the staff were really happy to see us and really eager to serve,

There was a distinct stampede of lips directed at our backsides.

The waitress that took our order really did my head in.

After each order she announced really loudly

You Gardit.

We ordered breakfast samplers?

Pancakes arrived.

Now do you eat them or wait for the sampler?

We were hungry so we chose to eat.

Next thing a bus or something must have pulled up.

All you could hear was YOU GARDIT, YOU GARDIT, YOU GARDIT.

The food was good though.

Christine went to the bathroom, Dumb and Dumber went for petrol I was left to pay.

Yes Christine relinquished the kitty purse

The bill came to $65.00 so I worked it out to roughly $80.00.

I was on my way to the till with the folder the waitress offered to take it.

"Do you need change"?

"No".

At that point she tapped me on the head with the folder and cheered,

"You gardit liddle lady".

Cheek!

I snatched the folder took out $10.00 dollars. Then I tapped her on the arm (I couldn't reach her head) with the folder.

"You haven't sweetie".

I just marched out cheeky cow.

We carried on driving and eh they have swapped Dumber is driving and Dumb is in charge of Damien.

We're on a freeway what can go wrong?

The freeway split.

Dumb not being ready for it sent Dumber the wrong way.

Realising his mistake he said we had to watch out for a sign to Watsonville.

So Dumber was driving down this really steep hill at ten miles an hour in case we missed the sign.

The cars that managed to pass us were braying on the horn and waving in a most unfriendly manner.

I think some of the waves were indicating that Dumber was really good at sex without a partner.

Some of the wavers were only using one finger.

Next thing there was this huge truck behind us.

He was having to brake so hard there was smoke coming off his wheels.

I turned round I could see the whites of the truckers eyes.

I swear it was the grim reaper sat laughing on his shoulder.

Mine and Christine's relationship has transcended to a new level we are holding hands in the back and praying.

"Dear Lord I am sorry for being such a mardi cow with the waitress in I hop".
"I promise I will share the Werthers Originals".

We were coming to the bottom of the hill

A sign!

Watsonville left! .

Dumber couldn't pull to the centre because a car was coming the other way so he just stopped.

The truck had to pull on the inside of us his wheels left the road his load twisted a bit but he managed to keep it in check.

I bet he was mad.

We turned left there was only one thing to do.

LEG IT!

We came to the end of the road

I made a suggestion, "Why don't we pull in catch our breath, pop a few valium and crack open the vodka.

A woman pulled in and asked if we needed help.

She put Dumb on the right road to Santa Cruz.

Dumber is back in the passenger seat with Damien on his knee.

I now have Bing on mine.

The sign said Santa Cruz next four exits.

I announced that the Bing said exit Morrisey Boulevard.

Dumber after consulting Damien said we should come off at Capitola and follow the coast road.

What did Dumb do?

Take notice of me his anchor for the last fifteen years? .

Or did he take notice of his mate who quite frankly couldn't find his arrrs with two hands and a periscope? .

Yes he took Capitola.

Then Dumb was demanding which way now.

Duhh!

If you are taking the coast road head for the beach.

Santa Cruz was a lot bigger than I imagined and it proved impossible to follow the coast.

So hey ho we are lost again.

I rang Lauren the lady who owns the house we are renting even she didn't know where we were.

We came to a little garage.

A little man came out he was only about 4 foot tall he had a long beard and a triangular pointy hat.

Aww bless he just looked like Rumplestiltskin.

I remembered the house was near the Boardwalk we asked if he knew where it was.

He told us we wanted to be in Seabright and we should have come off at Morrisey. We were in Capitola.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOH I could have kissed him.

He put us on the Seabright Road and we parked at the boardwalk waiting for Lauren to take us there.

The house was great

It was good because there was a suite of rooms downstairs as well.

We went for a meal to the Old Brewery which was within walking distance.

We had meatball panninis I expected a small oblong.

No they were the size of a medium pizza.

Way too much.

We finished off the night drinking vodka on the balcony.

Tomorrow we are going to Monteray and Pebble Beach.

I made the Chuckle Brothers promise to not use Damien again.

Lets face it that Damiens about as much use as rubber lips on a wood pecker.