Another Trip For The Cod Couple Travel Day

[rummy63]

DAY 2 TRAVEL DAY

I was awake every hour until 6.00am came then I felt like I could sleep.

I’m pretty sure I had altitude sickness.

I looked out of the window it was really foggy and according to some smug presenter on Good Morning Britain a host of flights had been cancelled.

Anyway we got ready into our identical clothing and set off for the airport, about a five-minute drive in dense fog.

As always I used the Meet & Greet and paid with fat vouchers.

We met the barrier and pressed a button and were greeted by a voice coming through the speaker.

“Well Hellooooo Fat Man Proceed to row J drive all the way to the end, drive all the way down now”.

Aww that meant we had a lot further to walk in the crap wet weather in our new pumps.

At Disney all the way down means stop in the middle but Al chickened out and drove all the way down.

We made a quick note of the mileage (just in case “Des” decided to take the grandkids to Blackpool) then we were on our way.

Delta check in was empty.

Before checking in a charming man asked us all sorts of really weird questions and tapped the answers into his Apple.

He resembled an amiable grandad but I had his measure he was probably some kind of agent that pulled toe nails out and electrocuted testicles for a living.

Let’s face it anyone who says "good morning" on a fog bound Monday has got to be some kind of sociopath.

I think we set off his alarm bells due to our identical clothing.

Had we ever been involved with the media?

Uh?

We said no and thankfully it turned out to be the right answer.

I did wonder if he thought we were the bloody Krankies.

Disturbing questions over we were given the nod to proceed to the empty check in.

Mollie greeted us with a very cheery good morning.

Aww no not “another one” soddin hell they are living amongst us and most of them are functioning at the airport.

All went smoothly but I warned Al to try to remember we are normal people they probably had cameras and monitors measuring pulse rates and sweat levels.

Security although busy was moving swiftly. I also detected a slight change in attitude they were all quite civil.

They can do absolutely anything to me in the name of security so long as they don’t bawl.

I hate being bawled at there is no reason for it.

There wasn’t a hint of a good morning so at least “they” haven’t managed to infiltrate security.

The truth is out there.

Our first stop was The Burgher King because they do make a most agreeable cup of tea.

They were run off their feet I’m guessing with the terrible fog some of the staff hadn’t made it to work.

Having ascertained that our stomachs were awake we set off to find breakfast.

There’s a new place opened next door to the Burgher King (The Spinning Jenny) but we went to Frankie and Benny’s because we had a voucher.

We just had the simple bacon, eggs and toast.

Well, I had eggs on toast because I don’t eat bacon unless I have cooked it myself.

The bacon was ok and there wasn’t any white stuff on it but it still wasn’t quite there for me so I passed it on to Al.

I don’t know why I order bacon; I think it is so I can whinge.

I like to start off the day with a good gripe and get it over with.

I can’t remember how much it came to but I didn’t leave a tip because I noticed that our meals were ready and sitting on top of the counter for about six minutes before they were served. They weren’t even overly busy.

I asked Anchovy or whatever his name was if the counter top was heated and he acted like he didn’t understand me.

Watch out Franky and Benny there’s a new kid on the block called Jenny I will definitely give her a try next time.

Boarding started at ten oh happy days everything appeared to be on time.

There was plenty of leg room in our £29.17 seats.

Then came the dreaded this is your captain speaking

“I am going to speak in a really quiet crackly voice so you can’t really hear what I am saying but every so often I will accentuate a word so that you get the gist of it”.

Mumble, stutter PROBLEM, gabble, slur, BAGGAGE drone, intone MISSED SLOT.

Well Whoopi do for us effin, jeffin PROBLEM, MISSED, soddin CONNECTION.

Departure was 10.55 we departed at 12.00 we had been sitting on the plane for two hours.

We were barely in the air and the drinks, pretzels and nuts were on the way round.

Yes!

Nuts on an aeroplane I haven’t seen nuts on an aeroplane for years (well not the edible variety).

Actually there are two nuts on this flight resplendent in identical clothing.

The lunch was beef salad, sweet and sour chicken or pasta and tomato sauce. I chose the beef salad and I can whole heartedly say it was rank.

Not just rank unbelievably rank.

My intuition told me that the beef salad had already flown once over the pond. I know this because there were 2 slices of cucumber lying on a bunch of wilted dandelion leaves. The cucumber was slightly different and I have noticed before American cucumber has a creamier texture on the inside.

The beef was definitely American style it was a huge hunk of flesh, maroon in the middle. I’m pretty sure there were teeth mark in it as well so it was possibly somebodies left over dinner. I made a note to try and get a look at all the cabin staff to see if anyone had a gap between the upper central and lateral incisor.

That beef contained enough Salmonella to kill an African Bush Elephant.

More drinks came round and basically you could have whatever you wanted.

It was a tad early for us but Hamish next to me was sampling all sorts of different whiskies.

I got the feeling Hamish was quite shy and reticent but after a few of those malts he got really fired up. Apparently he was under the impression that premium comfort was entitled to free WI fi but it was 46 dollars.
Well he huffed and puffed practically blew the bloody house down but he still had to pay the 46.00 dollars. He banged his card down on the tray and told the stewardess he was never going to fly Delta again.

Card back in wallet he gave me a triumphant stare happy that he had given her what for.

Two ways of looking at that Hamish, she’s either quivering on the naughty step somewhere or she’s knocking up some coffee and has spit in your cup.

It’s never wise to be mardy with somebody that is serving you food and drink.

Then he had an e-mail telling him he had been transferred on the 9.30pm to Washington and Delta had blamed the fog.

I had one as well telling us we were on the 7.30 to Orlando but I saw it a lot later because there was no way I was going to cough up 46.00 dollars.

They are liars!

He was telling anyone that would listen.

It wasn’t the fog it was a baggage problem.

I tried to explain to him that the baggage handlers probably hadn’t made it into work so it was technically the fog.

He wouldn’t heed he was furiously tweeting.

Apparently his colleagues at Heathrow hadn’t got off the ground.

That meant the two-day meeting in Washington would be put back a day and he was supposed to be meeting the missus off the plane for a couple of days in New York before they went home.

He wouldn’t be able to meet the missus off the plane he would be still in the meeting she would have to make her own way.

His flight back to New York would have to be re-scheduled it could mean he would only get one day in New York with Mrs Hamish.

Bonus time for Mrs. Hamish me thinks.

He was somewhat anxious and started to comfort eat on my Fox’s Glacier Fruits.

When I said I’ll leave them there just help yourself I didn’t mean pig out on the whole soddin bag.

I did start to wonder whether in his befuddled state he had mistaken me for his therapist or something so I threw in a bit of counselling and told him the fact that nobody understood him didn’t make him an artist and maybe he would be better off on a ledge somewhere.

We got a second meal a turkey roll. I ate mine and Al’s. Al had all the junk that accompanied both meals.

We finally landed and walked about 50 miles to customs Hamish actually ran, maybe it was the whisky but his gait was marginally off kilter.

I wondered why he was running he already knew he had six and a half hours to wait for his connection. I hoped he wasn’t searching for that ledge.

He probably needed to part with all that whisky and my Fox’s Glacier Fruits.

They live amongst us.

We cleared security quickly it was all self-service and after my last carry on I did not look up to the camera. This one was different you had to adjust it yourself till your head fit in the picture.

Try as I might I just couldn’t get my head into that picture my head was too big.

As for the photo that came out?

Well, all I can say is that I have seen better looking Pit Bulls.

I really hoped they would ask us if we were involved with the media

Yes, One Man and His Dog.

No problem we were clear to go the officer was affable there again it’s New York and the New Yorkers are a species on their own.

On to baggage claim, cleared customs and baggage drop was around the corner.

The Orlando flight we were originally due to be on was still loading but there were about 20 people to check in and they just put us all on the 7.20 which was delayed until 8.10 happy days.

Everybody was carrying on.

Me?

I just took it all in my stride because as you know I am a very calm person.

We had to get on a shuttle to another terminal but it was all very easy.

Had we landed on time it would have been a doddle really. I am just mentioning that in case anybody else decides to book that flight.

Plus, it’s a two-hour layover and during those two hours you do all the customs stuff saves doing it in Orlando.

Had everything gone to plan we would have only put an hour on the journey.

We spent our four hour layover eating and drinking a load of crap.

The flight down to Orlando was supposed to take 3 hours it only took 2 and we both slept all the way I have no idea if they brought any drinks or snacks.

Our cases arrived within minutes, because there was no security to clear it was straight down stairs to collect the car.

We did Alamo skip and it was all very straight forward this time. I showed the paperwork to the woman in the garage. She gave us a free upgrade I think it was because that was all they had left. We chose a seven seater Dodge Caravan just in case we had to sleep in it.

It took twenty minutes to get to the Westgate Blue Tree Resort.

The night porter checked us in and I was delighted with the unit it was a two bedroom so it had a washer and a dryer in it.

I had only booked and paid for a one bedroom and the one bedroom apartments don’t have a washer in them.

Because we had slept for two hours we were alert sorted out our stuff and went to Walmart for some essentials by this time it was about 11.30.

We had a few drinks and went to bed at 2.00am. Yes 2.00am we had been up 20 hours.

[ely3857]

Hamish sounds just delightful!

[Cinderella]

Love your new friend Hamish 👍

[KarenG]

And there I was, hoping for a photo of Hamish and his new friends, the Krankies...

[mrmoo123]

Wonderfully descriptive

Look forward to more

[daftmum]

Fantastic! Love your style Dh keeps looking at me wondering what I'm chuckling at can't wait to read the rest!

[Brock]

We used Jenny's In November last year happy to eat there again

[mariechez]

Ha ha like your style

[Jockey]

Great day!

[mick]

Joan