Dyspraxia/dyslexia and Aggression

[Guest]

Hi All - just looking for a little advice here, please.

DS, Ben (11), has dysprax/dyslex, as most of you know. Over the last 3 to 5 months, we have seen some quite worrying changes in his behaviour, and are not sure if this is jusat typical 'growing up' symptoms, or if its linked to the conditions he has.

We are getting very quick mood swings - from laughing and joking to quite pronounced aggression, at the drop of a hat, particularly directed at his Dad - one minute they are goofing about, the next, Ben will suddenly take offence at something said and will get very physical - smacking, thumping, kicking, and very abusive/aggressive in his speech and tone. His ability to realise when he is taking a joke to far seems to be getting worse, and he is also getting increasingly likely to settle an argument with his siblings by resorting to his fists He has been verbally abusive towards me, but so far, nothing physical. Although we haven't had any complaints of physical aggression towards friends, we know from what he is saying to us that he is getting into quite a few verbal dust ups, and for the most part, it seems its Ben over-reacting to remarks made - though he really can't see this, at all.

On one day, on holiday, he was so bad, that I had to take Ben out of Pirates Golf and it really spoiled the day for everyone He was rude, aggressive, in everyone's face, physically interfering with the others playing, loud, totally hyped - we talked quietly, talked firmly, we threatened, we explained - and there was just no getting through to him.

So - is this typical of 11 yr old lads? We haven't seen/heard any of his same aged mates parents saying that they are having this problem. All my nephews have conditions that fall into the spectrum of disorders that include dyspraxia/dyslexia, and all have from a young age, been on medication to control/subdue hyper and aggressive behaviour - we have never had to use regular meds before, and are really reluctant to do so - but reading this back dosn't come close to describing how badly he can behave at the moment, or how - to be honest - how scary it can be when he blows.

Any advice very much appreciated

Love Suexx

[Guest]

Sorry Sue, I don't have any personal experience in this field but wanted to offer {{{hugs}}} it must be very difficult and frustrating for you all.

Teenage boys certainly do go through phases where the hormones are coursing through their veins and the net result is verbal or more often uncontrolled physical aggression. Its as if they don't know their own strength and think nothing of putting a fist through a door or even pulling it off the hinges!

Ordinarily I would suggest channelling some of that pent-up energy by encouraging DS to take up a new hobby or sport to find an outlet for it, but I would think in Ben's case you certainly need to establish whether this is just those pre-pubescent hormones doing their thing or if it is a symptom of his condition. I'm thinking it sounds like a combination of the two but as I said earlier I am certainly no expert. Would you be able to get some help and support from his GP/Health Visitor or School over this?

Best of luck, it doesn't sound easy for you

Diane x

[Guest]

i have dislexya me self and know that some peple with get agngry and lash out becsase they cant do thing as well as others.

hope that helps

[ceri]

Sue, these boys are driving us nuts aren't they? As you know DD 14 has dyslexia, and DS 12 doesn't. Jen is quite even tempered really, although when she does blow she can get quite physical, esp with her brother. However, as I too was like this as a teenager I put it down mainly to her personality (and pmt lol ) rather than to her dyslexia. The only time that feel that her dyslexia is really having an effect on her behaviour is when she is frustrated over homework etc and then she will take it out on the rest of us.
Cenydd who does not have dyslexia is going through the 'attitude' stage, and has to argue every point with yeah but... , He also doesn't know when to stop, either when play fighting with Mike or more often when teasing his sister.cen used to over react to remarks made by others, but think that he was totally justified in his reaction (thankfully we seem to have outgrown that one now) we haven't experienced anything like the situation that you describe at pirates however.
Don't know if this is helpful at all.

[Snowdop]

Sue,

I suffer from dyspraxia and I am in my early 40's. Although I am a fairly even tempered sort of person, by the time I have dropped the same thing 15 times, I get very frustrated, and can blow a gasket...In my case the anger is directed at me rather than anyone else.

It is worse for me when I get tired - I find regular rests when in WDW do wonders for both my benefit and the benefit of others around me, who probably get fed up with me keep dropping things and walking into things time after time.

Good luck - I know how frustrating the condition can be - It doesn't get better with age I am afraid, but it also doesn't stop you doing anything, as I have a senior management role in a large Bank in the City of London.

[Guest]

My DS (14) does not have dyslexia but some of the issues you have raised certainly apply to him and I think are just 'normal' teenage reactions to situations. When play fighting with DH ( quite funny really to see 2 six footers scrabbling over the floor) but DS often gets carried away and can at times hurt DH which means the whole thing gets called to a halt..then he gets the 'attitude' he knows best..has to have the last word... I hope you are able to sort out the teenage issues from others that you are experiencing. Good luck and stay strong... its not easy I am sure.

[Guest]

Thank you for all the replies, everyone

Frustration with general clumsiness or struggling with homework has been the norm for a long while - but he gets angry with himself, then cross with others - he is loud but not usually aggressive. The aggressive behaviour I am talking about can be discribed in a situation from yesterday - Ben was asked to feed the fish, Kate decided to help (she is 5, he is 11). Ben said 'No' to her, and told her to go away - very loudly and instantly very angry - when Kate refused, he thumped her on top of her head - I walked in, having heard the 'Go away', seconds later, just in time to see the thump, and its a wonder Kate didn't end up out cold, on the floor. Whether its a situation like this, or during joking with his Dad, he suddenly takes offence and tries to kick Sean viciously and swear and say completely aggressive, rude and unpleasant things, nothing you can say to Ben will convince him that right isn't on his side. He dosn't seem to grasp that allowances have to be made for a child of 5, that a physical response to a spoken comment is totally over the top and wrong, that poor behaviour from anyone is no justification for even worse behaviour from him. When calm, he will apologise for upsetting someone, but will still hold onto the view that his behaviour wasn't so bad and is totally justifiable. He often seems perplexed that we feel he has gone too far -and this applies to innapropriate behaviour in general, certain things he will say/do that are unsuitable to be said in certain social settings.

The aggression is more likely to surface when he is excited/tired - probably why we struggled on several occasions whilst on holiday - but it isn't just restricted to that particular criteria - it can come from nowhere - one minute he is watching TV, the next, he has jumped up and smacked his sister(s) or is screaming at them, because they have walked in front of the telly

I think from your responses that I definately have to have a word with the GP, and ask for advice/referrals to get this sorted. Its certainly got a lot worse over the last few months, and I am seriously worried about a further escalation of aggression - he isn't a small kid, and he could potentially hurt someone

Thanx again for the replies, everyone.

Love Suexx

[Guest]

Hi Sue,

You mnay remeber I've been having this problem with Zach as well - He actually went for me in the street and I was really panicky and angry.

He's exactly the same with Danny as well -Zach's 11 and Danny's 6. Lately Danny's had a bad throat and keeps clearing it - Zach gets annoyed so 'Whallop'! I'm atually on a waiting list as I've been referred to see the Child Psych - they agreed in June(?) that he has definietly got an anger problem - not necessarily due to his cindition, and they want to go through some stuff with us to see how we can resolve the issues.

All it takes is a mild telling off at the minute for him to storm off upstairs, ususally tipping the chairs over in the kitchen or swiping the table clear in the process! Then I hear banging and crashing as he thropws stuff around in his room - he still does try to whack me but I'm still just a bit taller than him so I put my hand on his head and let him swipe away - I usually end up crying with laughter at this stage cos it's like a cartoon so he either skulks off humiliated or joins in with the giggles!

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