holland, i need a tissue

[Guest]

it's been a long time now since my first child was diagnosed with autism and i've met some wonderful supportive people because of my child being disabled and i'm still meeting and connecting with more mums just like me as my children grow

so i'd just like to share this with others on here who also have a "special child" or two

some may have seen these two poems before and some may have not

Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Celebrating Holland- I'm Home
By Cathy Anthony
(my follow-up to the original \Welcome to Holland\ by Emily Perl Kingsley)


I have been in Holland for over a decade now. It has become home. I have had time to catch my breath, to settle and adjust, to accept something different than I'd planned.I reflect back on those years of past when I had first landed in Holland. I remember clearly my shock, my fear, my anger, the pain and uncertainty. Inthose first few years, I tried to get back to Italy as planned, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can say how far I have come on this unexpected journey. I have learned so much more. But, this too has been a journey of time.

I worked hard. I bought new guidebooks. I learned a new language and I slowly found my way around this new land. I have met others whose plans had changed like mine, and who could share my experience. We supported one another and some have become very special friends.

Some of these fellow travelers had been in Holland longer than I and were seasoned guides, assisting me along the way. Many have encouraged me. Many have taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and gifts to behold in this new land. I have discovered a community of caring. Holland wasn't so bad.

I think that Holland is used to wayward travelers like me and grew to become a land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, to assist and to support newcomers like me in this new land. Over the years, I've wondered what life would have been like if I'd landed in Italy as planned. Would life have been easier? Would it have been as rewarding? Would I have learned some of the important lessons I hold today?

Sure, this journey has been more challenging and at times I would (and still do) stomp my feet and cry out in frustration and protest. And, yes, Holland is slower paced than Italy and less flashy than Italy, but this too has been an unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down in ways too and look closer at things, with a new appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland with its tulips, windmills and Rembrandts.

I have come to love Holland and call it Home.

I have become a world traveler and discovered that it doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special, the very lovely, things that Holland, or any land, has to offer.

Yes, over a decade ago I landed in a place I hadn't planned. Yet I am thankful, for this destination has been richer than I could have imagined!

[bella]

I'm a little lost for words and started typing this a few times but not knowing what to say. Just that your post is very touching and thought provoking.
Jill

[Guest]

Seen this before. It is very true and heart renching poem. It certainly say's it all to me for DD.

[Guest]

it sums up the past 12yrs of my life, there's been tears from shock, denial, grieving but there's also been lots of lots of laughter

it's life for me i know nothing else

my nan always said "we make plans and life takes over"

my children are healthy and happy and i celebrate that just like any other mum out there would

growing up's the scary part and that's still to come

mazz

[Guest]

We've officially been in Holland for 12 months now. I'm beginning to really like the place.

[Big Geo]

I am a Father and I thank God he his free from any disabilities But my Best friend also has a son of the same age who is autistic and these poems touch me very deeply because I sometimes catch my friend looking at both kids and he smiles. nothing is ever said between us we just sit quitely for a while but after reading these things make sense they are very beatiful and though provoking
P.S. I have never posted a more difficult reply and it probably make no sense but I felt compeled to post sorry

[Guest]

I have seen these before and they are so simply profound. I found myself 'in Holland' 15 years ago when our second child was born severely brain damaged and can absolutely relate to the sentiments expressed here.

Another parent once decribed having a disabled child as 'worse than a bereavement'. She felt that in order to move on you had to first mourn for the child you'd hoped for and expected, the one who'd been lost, before you could come to accept and cope with the one who'd taken their place. That also made a lot of sense to me.

[Guest]

How beautiful and truly heart warming. The way I feel is that I was in Italy for a while, but I woke up one morning and realised I was in Holland. It's different, but just as beautiful, if not more so.

xxMel

[Guest]

Originally Posted by Big Geo

I am a Father and I thank God he his free from any disabilities But my Best friend also has a son of the same age who is autistic and these poems touch me very deeply because I sometimes catch my friend looking at both kids and he smiles. nothing is ever said between us we just sit quitely for a while but after reading these things make sense they are very beatiful and though provoking
P.S. I have never posted a more difficult reply and it probably make no sense but I felt compeled to post sorry

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the best thing you can do for your friend is just be there, sadly all mine went when they realised how different things where for us, sadly i think it was because they didn't know what to say anymore

i'm celebrating being in Holland now, but there are still the odd days when the grief is under the surface of my smile and for a few hours i'd give anything to get to Holland, even for a mini break

[Guest]

I'm glad I landed in Holland. Now I have been here for 17 years I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. That is a good analogy.