Families and my panicking

[Guest]

Here it starts...after deciding we were having a total of 6 guests for a total of 8 in our Escape wedding party we now have family members asking if they can come and even one who is 19 and wants to bring their BOYFRIEND! So now my elegant intimate getaway wedding is now turning into a travelling freakshow. I am at risk of losing my temper and becoming a bridezilla, please can someone stop me? LOL

[pennycrayon]

We went through this at the beginning too. It started it to get out of hand! We announced that we were getting married a year ago and at the time it looked like we were going to have 20 guests and were looking to pay the extra $500 to have up to 23 guests. Since we started booking the holiday people have started to drop out, due to cost and changes in circumstance. We now have 11 booked so far and I think we will be up to 15 maximum.

I was just honest with people and said we had limits over who we could invite, were also planning a reception at home so there was no pressure for people to "have" to come if you know what I mean?

Hope this helps!

[BevS97]

it's your wedding, so you have to say what you want. If you want the Escape wedding then you have a perfect 'excuse' to say this is the max number of guests we are allowed, very sorry.

[Guest]

If you'd rather it just be the 8 of you, can't you just tell others that's the max you can have?

My family (well, OH's family actually) is doing my head in about the wedding as well so I know how you feel!

[Guest]

i actually disagree, if these people are paying A LOT of money to come away and see you get married then I think they have the right to bring whoever they like BUT you have every right to say you can only have a few people there in the day so they will have to amuse themselves for the few hours that the wedding is taking place.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by RobynPrincess

i actually disagree, if these people are paying A LOT of money to come away and see you get married then I think they have the right to bring whoever they like BUT you have every right to say you can only have a few people there in the day so they will have to amuse themselves for the few hours that the wedding is taking place.

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But surely you need to be invited first before deciding you're going away to see someone get married? I now have a 19year old future SIL in tears and her father isn't very happy as apparantly they are a couple and he should be able to go. I've been told that they have been togather just as long as we have and so they are the same as us. Ok, I can sort of understand where people are coming from in some way, but theres no commitment with them at all, they don't even live together and i seem to be expected to allow someone to me (AND my OH) who is a stranger at our wedding rather than other family members. The whole point us having so few guests was to have immediate family only to avoid problems like these! *sigh* Going to have a hot bath and take a few deep breaths methinks.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by iGareth

But surely you need to be invited first before deciding you're going away to see someone get married? I now have a 19year old future SIL in tears and her father isn't very happy as apparantly they are a couple and he should be able to go. I've been told that they have been togather just as long as we have and so they are the same as us. Ok, I can sort of understand where people are coming from in some way, but theres no commitment with them at all, they don't even live together and i seem to be expected to allow someone to me (AND my OH) who is a stranger at our wedding rather than other family members. The whole point us having so few guests was to have immediate family only to avoid problems like these! *sigh* Going to have a hot bath and take a few deep breaths methinks.

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Ok, put yourself in her position. Would you want to go away and spend a lot of money on a once in a lifetime holiday and not take your fiance? Also how can you say they have no commitment? You have no idea whether they will get married in the future! Just because they choose not to now doesnt make them any less serious about each other than you and your fiance are, they're young!

Like I said, can you ask that he finds something to do while the actual ceremony takes place? TBH the damage it will do to your relationship with your SIL in the long run, is it worth it for one person?

Unless I am missing the point and you mean you havent invited SIL either?

[Guest]

just to add, we had SIL as my bridesmaid and her boyfriend (that they dont live together) as an usher so he didnt feel left out. I wouldnt have chosent to have her as a bridesmaid really but she was very touched that i asked her, i think it went a long way to start a friendship with her. Sometimes you do things you wouldnt normally choose to do to start off well as you join families, kinda pave the way for the future.

[°o°-Hannah-°o°]

i understand where you are coming from not wanting strangers at your wedding but also as others have said it will damage all future relations with these people... if they are willing to foot all extra costs then what harm can it do?

[Guest]

Originally Posted by RobynPrincess

Ok, put yourself in her position. Would you want to go away and spend a lot of money on a once in a lifetime holiday and not take your fiance? Also how can you say they have no commitment? You have no idea whether they will get married in the future! Just because they choose not to now doesnt make them any less serious about each other than you and your fiance are, they're young!

Like I said, can you ask that he finds something to do while the actual ceremony takes place? TBH the damage it will do to your relationship with your SIL in the long run, is it worth it for one person?

Unless I am missing the point and you mean you havent invited SIL either?

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he's not her fiance, just a boyfriend. And no, only parents were going to be invited initially. The reason I say there is no commitment is because they have split up umpteen times but I put this down to them being young and good candidates for jeremy kyle show. I also say this in comparison to me and OH i.e. at her age we had bought a house (and if we couldn't have afforded that we would have rented just to be with each other!) there is nothing stopping one of them from just saying "I hate you, you're dumped" (which HAS happened before) which is far from mine and OH's relationship, so I really do not think anyone can compare the two! I'm quite happy for him to come to the reception but I simply cannot turn away real family who want to come for someone I hardly know for the ceremony. I don't want to be in the position where 10 years down the line we are looking at our wedding album and pointing at him saying "who's that? I dunno, but I recall nan not being able to come because he came instead!" (this is just an example!) Everyone has jumped on the bandwagon with this wedding, its not just him, i'm just trying to say (probably not very well) that family gets priority at the ceremony. I really cannot afford a Wishes package, if I could then of course he could come.