Divorced Family - inviting partners?

[crofty]

Basically my mum and dad split 5 years ago and had a very messy divorce that only became finalised last year. Since then my dad has introduced me to his new partner who it turns out he was seeing more or less straight after he split with my mum, we dont know if there was any cross over and I dont want to know.

My dad originally said he didn't think it was right to invite her to our wedding which I was glad about as I was worrying about how to bring it up with him, anyway a few days later I had an email from him saying he now wants her to come, I'm going to assume she said something to him.

I dont feel at all comfortable with this for a start I have only met her once and the other reason is I think if my mum saw her she would kill her! She has always thought they were seeing each other and it turned out she was right. I have told him no but he has put me on a massive guilt trip.

I just dont think I should be stressed about this on my wedding day, my mum was already panicking she would be there and I think its a day my mum should enjoy as well and not worry about. On top of all this my brother and dad are not speaking so its all a disaster.

Sigh.

[Guest]

I had exactly the same problem when I got married

My Mum left my Dad for another man and there was a lot of animosity that went on for years. When I announced I was getting married my Mum demanded that not only was her Partner to be invited to the wedding but he would also be needing a place at the top table!
I think her exact words were "if he doesn't come then neither do I" :angry:

I am afraid I don't respond well to threats so I simply replied "as you wish" and put the phone down on her.

After a few weeks of not speaking she rung me up and backed down over the whole thing and she came to the wedding & reception on her own but declined to attend the evening party.

She could not understand why I did not want my Dad's nose rubbed in it on what should have been a happy day for the whole family!

Go with your gut instinct on this...its YOUR day and it should be up to you to decide what is right for you and your fiance.

I do sympathise, I really do (((hugs))) its very hard isn't it?

Diane x

[Chilly80]

It is YOUR day, do what makes you happy.

[staceyb]

I would be inclined to stick with the original plan and not invite her. It is your day and upsetting immediate family would ruin the mood i think if she were to come. Your Dad should appreciate this and not make you feel guilty for it.

I really feel for you being put in this situation but stand your ground it's your day not theirs x

[Guest]

My mother has had more marraiges than Liz Taylor (well it feels like it) so I feel your pain and have been in a very similar situation. I also had a problem with one of the bridesmaids (my aunt) wanting her new partner there but telling me that my uncle could not bring his.

After agonising over it all for ages I basically decided - do you know what, it's MY day. So I told all of them the way I (we) wanted it, and said - in not so many words- it's just one day, and if you love and respect me enough then you will respect my decision. If you disagree with it, and choose not to come because of it, then that is your decision but I think that its a very sad one.

[Guest]

I def agree with you she should not be there. Maybe a compromise could be that he takes her on holiday with him but she doesnt come to the wedding or meal afterwards and you dont spend time with them when you're with your mum? Its not ideal but it might be a compromise?

[debidee]

You poor thing...You should do whatever you want - it is YOUR special day...and TBH go with what your heart tells you and your dad will come round. Best of luck xxx

[Guest]

Originally Posted by RobynPrincess

I def agree with you she should not be there. Maybe a compromise could be that he takes her on holiday with him but she doesnt come to the wedding or meal afterwards and you dont spend time with them when you're with your mum? Its not ideal but it might be a compromise?

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I was thinking along the same lines. I think I'd be doing this if it were me.

Good grief, planning your wedding is supposed to be happy, not stressful, do what you feel is best and what will make YOU happy

[crofty]

Thanks everyone. He is taking her on holiday and I have offered to meet them both the day after with our daughter and either go to the parks or go for lunch which he ignored. He replied this afternoon and said he understood why I didn't want her their but he was disappointed.

We dont see each other very much but we are meeting both of them in May and I have a feeling he is going to bring it up again then infront of her.

This wedding has been so stressful so far.

[kingofhonour]

DW here. So sorry you have been put in this position hunni, its not nice. But as others have said its YOUR day, don't let them spoil it or control it! Be honest with them and tell them, like others have said 'its one day, if you love me you will respect what I want for MY special day' its not about them, its about you 2 love birds getting hitched!
Me and the DH ended up just me and him in FLorida doing the deed without any of the family as none of the parents (and there are several, step etc) who can't be in a room with each other and we refused to play referee to them at our cost and allow them to ruin our day and the lead up to it with the worry of what the parents would do (next! )
Good luck hunni and great big hugs!