[buryboy]

Originally Posted by Goofy3

Hi, I have read your posts about your daughter, but have never commented until now. I can see many similarities between your DD and mine. (Age,duration of problems etc.) Apart from the major difference being your DD has anorexia. Mine does not, but has diagnoses of ASD, Conversion disorder, anxiety, etc.
The thing I wanted to comment on was you mentioned her not wanting to have periods. My DD does not enjoy this aspect of growing up. Periods, ‘adult’ behaviours (s**), even conversation around smoking and drugs are abhorrent to her. She has told us on many occasions she doesn’t want to grow up. She looks, dresses, sounds much younger than her 21 years. She has followed a fashion movement for years, called Japanese Lolita (girls wear frilly over the top dresses with petticoats, long socks etc). I’ve come to realise this is also her way of psychologically trying to stay childlike.
Could this be why your daughter is controlling her body shape and size?
I’m sure you may have already considered this, so apologies for stating the blimming obvious, but didn’t have time to go back and reread all your posts.
I also wanted to say,you sound an awful lot like my DH. He has invested so much of himself over the last 6 years, trying to help our DD, (research into alternative medicines, books, podcasts, vitamins, diet etc), that in the process has neglected his own self mentally. The impact on the whole family is immense. (And must be more so in your case. Mealtimes to the degree you have described sounds utterly exhausting!).
I have 2 younger children. My younger DD is 17, and finds it hard to understand why her having a boyfriend, going out, meeting friends etc. is such a problem to her sister!
I can feel the fear and frustration in your last post. We too feel the same when there’s a step backwards. (Anger too I’m ashamed to say). Stick with it, hopefully when routine is restored things will get easier. Could you encourage your DD to think of her longer term future. Maybe start looking at local universities for interesting courses? My DD is now in her 2nd year of a creative writing degree. She’s doing really well, lives at home, but most importantly she has found her place where she fits in. Best wishes.

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What a really helpful post goofy thank you so much.
The similarities are striking .
When she was going through her hospital phase a few years ago , the only thing she could say was that she had a fear of ‘ the future ‘ - basically what you say becoming an adult and having responsibilities etc.
Emma too has never really grown up , she would love to live at a permanently young age . She volunteers at a rainbows group . Sums it up for me . She ideally would like to be a primary school teacher for the same reasons I think . She relates to that kind of age much better than her real age .

With regard to your younger DD that’s exactly how our DD relates to our 16 year old DS . Doesn’t want him going anywhere. Wants him all to herself . I think she feels that long term he is going to be the only one left to look after her . DWs parents both died relatively young and I think DD thinks we may do too and is scared.

Ref university etc . Emma has a place in September ready to accept. The think now is whether she is ‘ ready ‘ for it . It was always questionable ( Emma has doubts herself ) but this latest setback makes it harder still , especially if the teaching is going to be online etc
She loves her job at M&S , I really think that has been a life saver for her and it may be too much for her to risk

Thank you again