So I told my girlfriend

[Wazza68]

Mountains aren’t just funny,
They’re Hill areas!

[Gezzs]

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a ...case of Miller Lite and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife. 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans', he replies. 'Put them back, it's a waste of money', demands the wife, and so he does and they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along, the woman picks up a $20 jar of ...face cream and puts it in the basket.

What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband... "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Miller Lite and it's half the price... '

HUSBAND DOWN, AISLE 7 !

[cartoonp]

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They’re relentless

[cartoonp]

man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Then he notices there are pieces of meat nailed to the ceiling of the bar so he asks the barman what they are for. The barman replies, "If you can jump up and pull one of them down you get free beer all night. If you fail, you have to pay the bar Ł100. Do you want to have a go?"

The man thinks about it for a minute before saying, "Nah, the steaks are too high!"

[cartoonp]

Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that bar and get something to drink." The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed." The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Doberman pinscher?" The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good." The bouncer said, "Come on in." The buddy with the Chihuahua figured what the heck, so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. He knew his would be more unbelievable. Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed." The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog." The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?" The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua? They gave me a €$Ą_[[]{…~$ Chihuahua

[cartoonp]

it's so hot chickens are laying hard boiled eggs

[Mr Tom Morrow]

SENIOR RIDDLE

Here is the situation:
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop-off
On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation



See answer below...














Tom, get off the merry-go-round and go home you old fart,
you've had enough excitement for one day!

[cartoonp]

Originally Posted by Mr Tom Morrow

SENIOR RIDDLE

Here is the situation:
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop-off
On your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo.

What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation



See answer below...














Tom, get off the merry-go-round and go home you old fart,
you've had enough excitement for one day!

See more...

[Mr Tom Morrow]

Welsh Wedding

At the Welsh wedding reception the D.J. yelled...
"Would all married men please stand next to the one
person who has made your life worth living.”
The bartender was almost crushed to death.

SEX
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore ...
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was
shot by the woman’s husband.

New Book
I went into a bookshop and asked the young lady assistant,
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?”
She replied, "I'm not sure if it's in yet.”
"I said that's the one; I'll take a copy..."

Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week.
He didn’t take my TV, just the remote
Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sicko!

[cartoonp]

After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.

He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”

The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”