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24 Jan 20, 12:05 AM |
#91
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Imagineer
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24 Jan 20, 12:18 AM |
#92
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Imagineer
Join Date: Nov 14
Location: West Midlands
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“I’m going up the Asda” is a common phrase in the part of the West Midlands I’m from. Occasionally with Asda pronounced as “Asda’s”. My Nan had a broad Black Country accent and she’d say “I’m going up the Kwik” when she was going shopping at Kwik Save.
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24 Jan 20, 02:10 AM |
#93
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Trainee Dibber
Join Date: Jun 15
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I loved my job before I had kids and had thought about going back to work pt when I found out I was pregnant. My parents both worked full time and lived about 50 mins away, mil and fil were older and fil partially sighted so knew that childminder /nursery was only option for childcare. Decision was made easy though when we found out we were having twins and by me working we would be about £80 a month worse off than if I didn't work after all costs. I have now been a SAHM (I suppose a "housewife") for 9 years and have mostly enjoyed it and can't imagine any different. Again had planned on returning to work once the kids stayed school at 5 however ds was diagnosed with autism. Although in a mainstream school ds would never cope with before and after school childcare and mornings are a real struggle.. It takes 2 of us to get him ready and out to school! It's also always a constant fight with appointments, meetings, phonecalls etc etc. We are in the fortunate position where we can just afford for me to stay at home and it makes day to day life so much easier... we were older when we had the children, already had a fairly small mortgage and had both already worked about 35 years between us so had some savings. I am never bored, although I do sometimes miss adult company. I now volunteer 1.5 days in the school helping out running the library and library open evenings and helping in a specific class doing anything from group reading, general working with the children, baking, laminating and cutting, photocopying... Really whatever needs doing to make things easier. I love it and it's great to have the experience for when I finally retrain and return to work. It's also been good to be able to build up a rapport with the school which makes it easier to deal with any issues with ds.
It should be whatever suits each family... What suits us may not suit others and vice versa however what I can't stand is being put down for being a SAHM. I often hear about how I'm not giving back to society, I'm not paying tax, I'm not setting a good example of working hard to the children, I'm relying on my dh etc etc. Total rubbish dh wouldn't be paying as much tax if he couldn't work the hours around me be at home with the children, the children know how hard I worked in the past to get where we are today and how hard dh works, however they also know that we have to tighten our belt for me to stay at home and that money isn't the be all and end all, happiness is. Edited at 02:12 AM. |
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24 Jan 20, 08:10 AM |
#94
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Apprentice Imagineer
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I’m a “trad wife” but I didn’t set out to be one! I had a great job before having ds 15 years ago but our childcare options were limited so we took the decision for me to have a career break and be a stay at home mum. We looked at part time work for me but dh didn’t want me to work at weekends as that would limit our family time and he could earn 5 times per hour doing over time than I could doing an evening job so it seemed stupid for him to have to rush home for me to go out in the evenings.
When ds went to school full time I got a job working school hours but a week before I was due to start ds was rushed to hospital and diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The head at his school,was particularly unhelpful and refused to have staff doing his injections at lunchtime therefore I spent the next year going into school at lunchtime to do them and also being on call if ever they tested him and his blood sugars were high ( luckily we lived just round the corner from the school) I also became pregnant with dd! Luckily the head retired and on the new heads first day I went and asked if there was any way a member if staff could be trained as coming into a school to do ds’s injections with a baby every lunchtime was going to be very difficult. An hour later she phoned me to say she had 4 volunteers to be trained and to get the nurses in ASAP. So now ds is 15 and dd is 9 and dh has been promoted several times and now a partner in his firm as he has been able to concentrate on his career, he’s never had to stay at home because one of the kids is sick or leave early to collect the kids from childcare or take them to an appointment. My Dh is very thankful to me and says he wouldn’t be where he is now without me doing what I do. I do all the cleaning, tidying, washing, small diy jobs and decorating, ds’s hospital visits ( last years count was 22 as he’s also got problems with his eyes and digestive system) I arrange our social diary’s, holidays and any hotels or flights he needs for work trips. I do all the home paperwork and arrange for the boiler to be serviced and the guttered to be cleaned hedges to be trimmed etc. At home the only things dh does is iron his shirts ( I’m still rubbish at ironing😉 mow the lawn and he does like to cook at weekends as he’s a real foodie! I’m never bored and quite often find there aren’t enough hours in the day so I’ve no idea how those of you that work with kids do it. I no longer say I’m a stay at home mum as I’m fed up with people looking at me as if I have 2 heads and I say I work for my dh!
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24 Jan 20, 09:52 AM |
#95
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VIP Dibber
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I don't think being a stay at home mum/dad is necessarily the same thing as this TradWife fad. Lots of people do that, and if that's what works for you, great. I think the TradWife thing is as much to do with seeing your role as subservient to the man and only existing to serve his needs.
I would say that in any relationship, roles should be equal. What that means in practice - who goes out to work and for how long, who does most of the cooking, who looks after the money etc - are going to be different for every couple, depending on what works for them. The idea of 'putting the other person's needs first' is written into the traditional wedding vows, and is a great basis for a relationship - but it works best if you both do that! When it's a one-sided thing ... not so good.
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24 Jan 20, 09:55 AM |
#96
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Thread Starter
Imagineer
Join Date: Jul 19
Location: Wessex
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24 Jan 20, 10:10 AM |
#97
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Imagineer
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The other danger of this being looked at as some new fad is that all women who stay home will, yet again, be considered subservient and foolish. It’s the labelling that causes the problems.
I’m no longer a SAHM as our youngest is 19 and in uni. I’m also not a trad wife, as I’m not here to just please my husband and follow his orders. I’m just a wife and a mum who stays at home. It’s not weird, I’m not inferior to others (or superior), I’m not stupid or lazy, or controlled by anyone. However, I have often been made to feel I’m all of the list above due to the stereotyping of a SAHM or trad wife. |
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24 Jan 20, 10:11 AM |
#98
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Imagineer
Join Date: Apr 16
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Yes I think this thread is turning into a stay at home versus working mum discussion. Trad wifes seem to be an extreme view on marriage. I'd hope most women on this thread were not treated like that or saw themselves as that.
Me and my husband our quite traditional even though we both work. I cook and clean and he handles the finances and dirty jobs. But if I ask him to do something then he would, I just prefer to do it. And I have access to all our money. But I'm not subservient or below him in the relationship. We have equal roles and equal say in everything.
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Back to the Mouse 2022! |
24 Jan 20, 10:15 AM |
#99
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Thread Starter
Imagineer
Join Date: Jul 19
Location: Wessex
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