Are you happy? Update page 6

[Coca]

I’ve created a new account for this. I’m a regular dibber but don’t feel confident posting as myself.

On the outside to the rest of the world I appear happy. Married, kids, ok house, financially comfortable, nice cars, holidays, etc.

On the inside I’m not happy. My husband is a little older than me. I’m a real social outgoing person. He’s the opposite. I don’t necessarily enjoy his company at all. We rarely talk a lot. He had gone back to work after being furloughed for around 6 weeks and I actually felt relieved I could get the house back to myself. During that time we spent as much time as we could in opposite rooms.

Am I living in a dream world where I want to share my life with someone who wants to have a laugh and do things together? Someone who I really get on with and want to spend time with? Or is this just how married life goes? We’ve been together for 13 years.
I honestly don’t think he knows I’m unhappy, he’s far too invested in his job.

Is life too short to be unhappy or is this the way marriages are?

[Dinglebert]

This is only my opinion but the audience for this conversation is not anonymous dibb members but instead should be your husband.

[PoohBears#1fan]

Originally Posted by Chair1519

This is only my opinion but the audience for this conversation is not anonymous dibb members but instead should be your husband.

See more...

I agree with this. Yes, I'm happy, I've also been in unhappy relationships, when DH and I got together the biggest lesson that I'd taken from my unhappy relationships was about communication. I used to keep quiet for fear of upsetting my ex, now if I'm unhappy about something, we talk about it. It doesn't have to be about blame, just an adult conversation about what's upsetting you about his behaviour and vice versa.

Good luck xx

[Floridatilly]

This is very sad. I do think you need to be open and honest with your husband, let him know how you feel.
If he works so many hours mo wonder he is boring when he is home, probably shattered. Marriage is a two way street and not always exciting or fun.
Try to remember why you married him, can you rekindle those feelings?
It is easy to fall into a rut but if you both work at it then maybe it could be the best thing ever?
Sending my love x

[Disney Dreaming]

Life is far too short to be unhappy, you need to be honest with your husband, then at least you have tried together to make it work and if you walk away you will have done all you can and it won’t be a shock. Take it from someone who has had the world ripped from under them.

[Pookie3101]

I could have written that a few years back, that was my life. I was a single parent ( but married) and I spent a lot of time on my own or with the kids. He didn’t want to spend any time with me and worked away during the week.

He felt the same, in fact worse than me and left me. At the time I was absolutely devastated as I was willing to put up with it as I thought that’s what I should do. I would never have left him.

2 years down the line I am happy. I spent a long time grieving for what I thought I had and what I thought we would have, but realised that I was better and happier on my own.

I have just met someone. It’s very early days and lockdown has meant lots of video chats, text, phone calls etc, but it’s exciting. I have no idea if it will go anywhere, but has opened my eyes to the fact that it will happen for me.

It hasn’t been easy, it knocked my self esteem, self confidence etc but they are coming back. Divorce is horrible though. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions.

You are not meant to be unhappy in a marriage. Your husband should still desire you and want to spend time with you. If you are that unhappy, you have to say something. Try and save your marriage if you can. Talk about how you feel, try counselling. He may feel the same and you may be able to work it out.

If not divorce is not pleasant but there is happiness at the end of it. You learn to be happy with yourself and we never know who is going to come into our lives down the road.

The first step though is to talk to your husband about how you are feeling.

[mickey house]

The question is has your hubby always been the way you describe, or has he changed.

Only you know if you are prepared to tolerate and continue with how things are. Talking to your hubby will be a good start, but it sounds like you're not happy with him or his personality, so talking won't likely make him into the person you want him to be.

The problem is even if you were to seperate/divorce your hubby, you might (or realistically will) struggle to find your ideal man.

Good luck what ever you decide.

[Floridarules]

Depends what would make you ‘happy’ It’s easy when in a comfortable situation that you describe, to imagine things that you don’t have such as “happiness” which itself is hard to define.
Instead of looking at the negatives, focus on the positives? you have children. Maybe plan family time together with the 1 day off per week?- do you work/have a hobby? Sometimes free time manifests itself in negativity ?
As others have posted, speak with your husband, if he doesn’t know, he can’t help.👍

[EssexSue]

To be honest as he is out of the house 15 hours a day, 6 days a week, presumably working his life doesn't sound much fun either.

[munmun]

Originally Posted by Coca

I’ve created a new account for this. I’m a regular dibber but don’t feel confident posting as myself.

On the outside to the rest of the world I appear happy. Married, kids, ok house, financially comfortable, nice cars, holidays, etc.

On the inside I’m not happy. My husband is a little older than me. I’m a real social outgoing person. He’s the opposite. I don’t necessarily enjoy his company at all. We rarely talk a lot. He had gone back to work after being furloughed for around 6 weeks and I actually felt relieved I could get the house back to myself. During that time we spent as much time as we could in opposite rooms.

Am I living in a dream world where I want to share my life with someone who wants to have a laugh and do things together? Someone who I really get on with and want to spend time with? Or is this just how married life goes? We’ve been together for 13 years.
I honestly don’t think he knows I’m unhappy, he’s far too invested in his job.

Is life too short to be unhappy or is this the way marriages are?

See more...

My question to you would be why are you still there. Is it for the financial security, is it for your children. There must be a reason?

Reflect on what bought you into this relationship, why it is as it is now and is it equally about how you are as about how he is.

I think to be fair to both of you it is time to sit down and talk about how you have got where you are and what both of you can do to change things before you just decide to walk away or stay feeling dissatisfied.

There is hard work to do on both sides.