To surprise or not? ASC child

TC Devon · 29 Jul 19, 09:05 AM

So quick background, daughter is autistic, and 8, son is almost 6. We’ve been to Florida before with in-laws. The children know we will go back (not with in-laws as we pretty much broke them last time!) The children think we will return when my daughter is ten so 2021, if they are lucky as it’s so expensive! We are actually booked to go next August, five nights pofq (first time on site and we have ddp) villa and two nights at RPR. So three weeks in total. The children don’t know. I’ve drip fed things, like showed them two villas a friend liked and they chose one they liked- I booked it. The dibb villa we had last time was booked up and it was too big for us so out of budget, although it was lovely. Now my daughter loved this villa, properly fell in love with it, she does struggle with some changes, others she breezes through. So I knew I had to prepare her for a different villa. They ve ‘caught’ me watching pofq vlog.
We were going to reveal at Xmas but I told her other day that my friend is taking her daughter to Disney this week and it’s a big surprise now my daughter jumped on this and said she’d love it if we did that and surprised her that day? She even gave me the fake we’re going to Spain scenario!
So do we surprise them or do we tell them? I was going to make a scrap book/photobook with everything in anyway.

Lemmonie · 29 Jul 19, 09:39 AM

Only you know the answer to the question.

My sone might tell me he likes things/wants things/doesnt want to do things all the time (also ASD)

However, I know best.

Dont ask strangers about whats best for you kid. You are literally the only person thats knows. Go with your gut

babywebb · 29 Jul 19, 09:56 AM

My ds 11 is asd he always says to me I wish you would not tell us a year in advance as it takes ages to come round , and that he’d rather I’d surprise him on the day , however I know if I did that there’s no way he’d cope he thinks he would but I know he wouldn’t x

TC Devon · 29 Jul 19, 10:12 AM

I’m thinking I might do it on her birthday in May. Time to get used to it, won’t feel a lifetime away and then she gets her surprise.
I don’t in my gut think an airport surprise would work for her but a earlier surprise/reveal would.
I think maybe she likes the idea but reality might be different.
Thanks everyone.

Wizz · 30 Jul 19, 04:22 PM

My son is autistic and just turned 10yrs. We are holding off telling til Christmas (partly because it’ll be a nice Christmas surprise) but also because I know he will need to time to adjust to it all. He’ll want to watch videos on YouTube and looking at pictures of the villa/hotel. He hasn’t flown since he was 3yrs so will need preparing for the airport/flight scenarios.
We go beginning April so he’ll have 3 months to prepare without becoming overly anxious (in theory) with too long a wait.
Good luck with your decision and have an amazing holiday 😁

Lemmonie · 31 Jul 19, 08:14 AM

Originally Posted by Wizz

My son is autistic and just turned 10yrs. We are holding off telling til Christmas (partly because it’ll be a nice Christmas surprise) but also because I know he will need to time to adjust to it all. He’ll want to watch videos on YouTube and looking at pictures of the villa/hotel. He hasn’t flown since he was 3yrs so will need preparing for the airport/flight scenarios.
We go beginning April so he’ll have 3 months to prepare without becoming overly anxious (in theory) with too long a wait.
Good luck with your decision and have an amazing holiday 😁

We did that actually. We booked it August but told kids by giving them a card with an American flag on it (moon pig) then I printed out a ticket to wonder works I had also bought and popped it inside. That way they had the enjoyment of a surprise at Christmas(another gift! ) and 8 months to enjoy looking forward to it and watching YouTube

duchy · 31 Jul 19, 01:24 PM

My Aspergers son hated surprises , he needed time to absorb and consider and ask questions. Unexpected changes of any kind (good or bad) would cause upset or meltdown.
You know your daughter best but as a general rule surprises don't usually go well with kids on the spectrum (based on my own and working with other ASD kids too ) but think about how she reacts to change or surprises in general (regardless of what she says) and work out what is right for her , the Spectrum is broad !

**mandco** · 2 Aug 19, 08:11 PM

Sounds like you've made a decision which hopefully will work well for you both.

Personally I know there is no way ds would cope with having a surprise reveal esp last minute so he already knows we are going next year. Yes we do have days he gets mad is so far away but with all the changes going on at disney I know he will need plenty of time to let it all sink in. We check out the daily updates so he can see the progress and watch youtube videos of things that are new.

29 Jul 19, 09:05 AM	#1
	29 Jul 19, 09:05 AM TC Devon Imagineer
TC Devon Imagineer Join Date: Aug 15	To surprise or not? ASC child So quick background, daughter is autistic, and 8, son is almost 6. We’ve been to Florida before with in-laws. The children know we will go back (not with in-laws as we pretty much broke them last time!) The children think we will return when my daughter is ten so 2021, if they are lucky as it’s so expensive! We are actually booked to go next August, five nights pofq (first time on site and we have ddp) villa and two nights at RPR. So three weeks in total. The children don’t know. I’ve drip fed things, like showed them two villas a friend liked and they chose one they liked- I booked it. The dibb villa we had last time was booked up and it was too big for us so out of budget, although it was lovely. Now my daughter loved this villa, properly fell in love with it, she does struggle with some changes, others she breezes through. So I knew I had to prepare her for a different villa. They ve ‘caught’ me watching pofq vlog. We were going to reveal at Xmas but I told her other day that my friend is taking her daughter to Disney this week and it’s a big surprise now my daughter jumped on this and said she’d love it if we did that and surprised her that day? She even gave me the fake we’re going to Spain scenario! So do we surprise them or do we tell them? I was going to make a scrap book/photobook with everything in anyway.

29 Jul 19, 10:12 AM	#4
	29 Jul 19, 10:12 AM TC Devon Imagineer Thread Starter
TC Devon Thread Starter Imagineer Join Date: Aug 15	I’m thinking I might do it on her birthday in May. Time to get used to it, won’t feel a lifetime away and then she gets her surprise. I don’t in my gut think an airport surprise would work for her but a earlier surprise/reveal would. I think maybe she likes the idea but reality might be different. Thanks everyone.

31 Jul 19, 01:24 PM	#7
	31 Jul 19, 01:24 PM duchy Imagineer
duchy Imagineer Join Date: May 04 Location: Kent	My Aspergers son hated surprises , he needed time to absorb and consider and ask questions. Unexpected changes of any kind (good or bad) would cause upset or meltdown. You know your daughter best but as a general rule surprises don't usually go well with kids on the spectrum (based on my own and working with other ASD kids too ) but think about how she reacts to change or surprises in general (regardless of what she says) and work out what is right for her , the Spectrum is broad !

2 Aug 19, 08:11 PM	#8
	2 Aug 19, 08:11 PM mandco VIP Dibber ✓Premium Member
mandco VIP Dibber Join Date: Mar 08	Sounds like you've made a decision which hopefully will work well for you both. Personally I know there is no way ds would cope with having a surprise reveal esp last minute so he already knows we are going next year. Yes we do have days he gets mad is so far away but with all the changes going on at disney I know he will need plenty of time to let it all sink in. We check out the daily updates so he can see the progress and watch youtube videos of things that are new.