Was I in the right?

[sarah82]

I know all you dibbers will help me put this into some sort of logic!
I went to visit a friend last night who I haven't seen since Easter- and she only lives 1hr away!
Now some quick background- we have been really good friends for a loooooong time. When we were at uni, we saw each other regular and if she was ever upset I would go running even up to last year! She got herself a serious boyfriend just over a year ago and as ever began to change. The fact that none of us like him is nothing to do with it, as she is happy we have all grinned and got on with it. I spoke to her a few weeks ago, when I was having a bad day and did the usual slagging off men thing. In the past she would have laughed at me and told me that I was right (like you want when you are sick of men and having a bad week!), but on this occassion she says that if i found myself a boyfriend everything would be ok and i wouldnt feel half as bad. then went onto suggest she sets me up with some of her bf's friends. Well i told her no, and I would get over the mood!
Last week i called her and asked what she was doing this week as I was free (a miracle after the last 4 weeks)! She said that would be great. She began to mention that she would see if mr x or mr y were free and I said i didnt want setting up and i was going over to see her. She called me on Tuesday night to confirm times and give me her new address. She asked if i was ok, and I said i would talk to her when I saw her, she said she couldnt wait to see me to have a long chat and catch up. Great! So last night after a dreadful day at work (which is another long post!) I went off to see her. Picked her up from work, with another 2 girls who i was asked to give a lift to. Anyway we get back to her house and the other 2 come in, then I am told they are having a girly night in and about 11 of us will be there.
Normally I wouldnt mind but a) I wasnt in the mood to be sociable and all giggly and b) I had gone over to see my friend and catch up with her not a whole load of people I dont know.
Maybe it's beacause I really needed to talk to her about some other stuff, maybe i am just sick of making the effort with her and never getting anything back.
So I left after 2 hours as the girls who were there were so loud and in your face (literally). My friend asked if i was ok, for the 100th time and I said no but I wasnt about to start talking about it in front of strangers.

Do you think I was harsh? Feeling a bit bad as I didnt want to spoil the rest of the night, and in the past I have got on with her friends but I really neeeded some 'friend time'... i know you lot will be honest with me!

[Bartswife]

No I don't hink you were harsh, after all you stayed a couple of hours longer than I would have done. Its hard to put on a smiley face when you feel rotten inside, its a pity your friend didn't pick up on this. Girly nights are ok when you know about them not when they are sprung on you, after all she could have let you know in advance. Don't give yourself grief over this.

[Jan]

I think I would have been very disappointed and hurt if I had been in your shoes. She might have had the decency to tell you and give you the option of going or not. Perhaps there was a subliminal message there!

[Emi]

Just to play devils advocate, maybe she though that a really girlie night with chatting with people would cheer you up? When you mentioned you were in a bit of a funk, she might have thought you would feel better forgetting about your problems rather than talking about them. Personally I'd rather talk but some people like to just think about something else. I don't think she will have done it deliberately to be nasty, she maybe was just being a little dismissive. Maybe she didn't realise how much you just needed to talk?

[loll1511]

I had a similar experience to you. I moved away and finding the time to have a girly chat with an old friend became increasingly difficult but whenever I went, the new friends she had made were there all the time - she never came up to me!

Subsequently I never saw her but sent her an invitation to my wedding - she never came, never sent a card or made any contact. I feel extremely bitter about this but I just decided to leave her to her own devices and we haven't spoken for 5 years now.

I feel like you do that I was doing all the running but I had decided enough was enough and sadly cut ties completely.

I wouldn't put yourself through the guilt trip because it wasn't all your fault.

[Guest]

Maybe she just thought it would be better with a few other girlies around to cheer you up.

I have a friend who I have known for nearly 20 years and unless I do all the running/visiting/phoning/texting I'm sure we would never keep in touch. I must admit I am starting to get fed up of her and wonder if its worth the hassle of keeping a one-sided friendship. Dont get me wrong when we do get together we have loads to talk about and have a great laugh but its always such a struggle organising it.

Hope you get it sorted out soon.

[Sally42]

I think it was unfair of her to arrange this 'girlie' event.
Not everyone wants to chat to total strangers, and if you did, you'd have gone into a chat room! Kidding, but in reality, I think you were right to leave, I'm surprised you stuck it our for 2 hours!

Sally xxx

[Guest]

I have many friendships like the one Janice is describing! It really does get you down, but after a while of not chatting I have to give them a call and try to organise to get together!

Sarah, I think it was rude of her to organise this when you had made the effort to go to see her. If I were her, I would have at least asked if it was OK when organising the weekend. However, some people do just get moments of thoughtlessness (even if that's not a real word! ) and they do not mean to be nasty with it. It is more than likely that she didn't realise that you really needed to talk and have a good old chat.

She's probably feeling quite hurt at the moment, thinking that you didn't make an effort to get to know her new friends, But I would definately call her and try and explain how you feel and that you'd had a bad day and just wanted a chat. If she's a friend at all, she'll hopefully see what you're going through, understand and be on the next train to visit you!

Hope that you're OK - you know where I am if you want a chat
Love
S-Jxxxx

[NurseHelen]

This is a tough situation. Call her and have a long 'girlie' chat on the phone. I hope you get it sorted soon.

[ScottishSweety]

Hiya Sarah..she doesn't sound like much of a friend..if I were you I'd cut contact with her and see how long it took her to get in touch with you. It seems like now she's settled with a man she cant be bothered with anyone elses problems..but I bet if her n her man split up she'd be over at you like a shot, and expect you to be her shoulder to cry on. If I'd been in your position, once I'd found out she ahd invited other ppl I'd have said bye..she knew you needed to talk and if shes known you this long she should know you wouldnt wanna tlak inf ront of strangers. Seems to me like she invited the other ppl int he hope that you wouldnt be able to talk. You've got nothing to feel bad about..if the shoe had been on the other foot would YOU have invited a load of folk she doesn't know? hope your feeling better, take care