Teenage Son

[Taffy1959]

Originally Posted by Minnie18

Hi all, we ended up going away for 2 nights and it done us good to get a break and recharge. I am deff going to have a chat with ds on his day off next week. I have had a chat with dd and explained to her that she needs to be more helpful and I stuck with it today. She moaned at first but eventually by tonight she was getting her own drinks and put her dirty washing in the basket without beeing asked.

I think what I've learned from this thread is that I have over spoiled my kids and in turn thats all they know. In the long run thats no good for them learning life skills or becoming more independent and its no good on me and dh. Thanks so much everyone for all your views and opinions it really does mean a lot to me I really do appreciate it.

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I'm pleased you managed to get a couple of nights away and hope things improve for you.
It's really hard with a teenager who is selfish but you need to stand your ground with him.
Good luck with everything.

[Fairysparkled]

Sorry but the only person to blame for this is yourself. If you dont do something about him soon he is going to be trouble as an adult.

[judy22]

You are honestly doing him no favours being so nice. Time for a change of attitude on his side or else he needs to move out.

[ERICSMUM]

Has his Dad spoken to him about all this ? Might be easier ‘man to man’.

[Lisaw1971]

Originally Posted by macadoo

Because he didn’t pay housekeeping or help round the house?

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I’m confused you put an 18 yr old In homeless accommodation because he doesn’t pay rent it fo housework? I’m obviously missing some of the replies? Because that is rather harsh!
My two are 23 (yesterday) & 18 (next month) don’t pay rent (I don’t need or want it) or helpmaround the house!

Isn’t 18/19/20 the age where ‘the majority’ of teenagers live for free at home when they decide who they are going to become?

[mushumadness]

Time for paying rent to you etc and learning what the real world is actually like!

[Dougie]

Originally Posted by Lisaw1971

I’m confused you put an 18 yr old In homeless accommodation because he doesn’t pay rent it fo housework? I’m obviously missing some of the replies? Because that is rather harsh!
My two are 23 (yesterday) & 18 (next month) don’t pay rent (I don’t need or want it) or helpmaround the house!

Isn’t 18/19/20 the age where ‘the majority’ of teenagers live for free at home when they decide who they are going to become?

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As a parent , it is your right to let your children pay/not pay - help/not help around the house. The OP choose different to you.

At 16 I was on a YTS scheme so didn't pay rent but certainly helped around the house. As soon as I got a job I paid my parents rent and continued to pay rent. You are lucky to be in a position where you don't need It, but adults are not cheap and millions of families are in a different position.

Again, everyone is different but I agree with the OP. Her son is an adult and therefore should pay his way.

[sammykitten]

Originally Posted by Minnie18

No there was other things going on at that time thankfully he's settled down now.

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Originally Posted by Lisaw1971

I’m confused you put an 18 yr old In homeless accommodation because he doesn’t pay rent it fo housework? I’m obviously missing some of the replies? Because that is rather harsh!
My two are 23 (yesterday) & 18 (next month) don’t pay rent (I don’t need or want it) or helpmaround the house!

Isn’t 18/19/20 the age where ‘the majority’ of teenagers live for free at home when they decide who they are going to become?

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the OP replied (post 45) that it wasn't for those reasons that her son had left home before.

[AlisonB]

OP - I hope things pick up for you and everything at home improves.

We never asked for financial contributions/housekeeping etc until DDs worked full time. They were expected to keep their rooms tidy (I had to learn to shut the doors sometimes!), change the beds etc and also help out with emptying the dishwasher etc.

Now they are both in full time employment things are a bit different - there’s 4 adults in the house all working full time so IMHO we all share the jobs. So we all pitch in with cooking, washing up, dishwasher duties, getting washing going and hung out etc, not just their own but everyone’s (each bedroom has a washbin), putting bins out etc. They don’t proactively do housework but if I asked one of them to put the hoover round they would. They don’t pay a lot of housekeeping but it’s the principle!

I do remember when they went to secondary school they both would occasionally forget to take a book or homework in and I’d get a request to drop it in to school at lunchtime - if I did that then they had to pay me back by doing all the lunchboxes for all 4 of us the following day - which tended to concentrate the mind somewhat!
Then around the ages of 13-14 they started complaining about lunchbox contents. Fine by me - not done any lunches for anyone since! 😂

Sorry for the essay - but like others have said it’s about setting some rules/boundaries, explaining the reasons and then following through. But pick your battles - if you have a list of rules a mile long you are less likely to get them followed.

[Fairysparkled]

I dont think this is about paying rent, not paying rent. Doing dishes not doing dishes. Its about teaching them about standing on there own two feet. Its a big hard world out there when you havent got mummy wiping your bottom any more.