Custody of children and other fun matters.

[Blue nose]

Originally Posted by duchy

A while after we’d split up my ex came to me and explained he was in a new but what he thought was going to be an important relationship and they wanted to go on holiday with our son and her daughter.
I told him in theory I was OK with it but before our son spent a week with a stranger to me I’d like to have at least met her. His reply was that , that’s what his new girlfriend had suggested.
I actually liked her immensely and both my son and I were sorry when she dumped him six months later.

He wasn’t asking permission as such but was respectful of me as a parent and that’s what coparenting should be. Between the parents though, not needing Granny as a veto. I can just imagine what MY mother would have said to him (and me) if told she had to vet partners of either of us. She’d have told us to grow up.

See more...

Think they mean the OP and her ex. Not.the in-laws.

[Blue nose]

Originally Posted by Mrs_O

The lawyer has been engaged to deal with the whole thing. This is just part of it, I didn’t actually ask her to write a letter. I just asked if legally he could tell me who’s allowed in the house as he paid half the mortgage. She still hasn’t actually given me a straight answer.

See more...

You need clarity on the point of who comes into the home. I never did.


My experience, with my ex (an ex policeman). They can come in whenever they want as they are named on the mortgage/house deeds.

My ex came in and smashed the place up. I called the Police. Nothing they could do as it was his property and hadn't hurt me or threatened to hurt me. They suggested one of us leave. I locked myself in a bedroom and refused.

He came back whenever he wanted for months. Let himself in. Made me aware he'd been there. NOTHING I could do until it.was my home when I changed the locks.

I'm glad you've a solicitor on board. If you can agree on somethings it will save you money in long run.

[Pookie3101]

introduce a new partner to our daughter that we must have a meeting where both of our parents are involved. - what!

Totally controlling and the only way this could even become legal is if either of you apply to the court for Child Arrangements and I can’t see this being agreed to anyway.

It does seem that you may need to take him to Court for child arrangement to be made as all his demands so far have been very controlling. You do not need a solicitor to do this and can represent yourself - my partner is going through this at the moment to get access to his children.
You need to try mediation first (or have your MIAM) and so does the other party - if they refuse or you cannot agree you can take it to Court.

I really feel for you. Divorce is bad enough but far worse when the other party is trying to control the situation. So do not agree to anything. Unless it’s in an order of the Court it is not enforceable but don’t get yourself in a situation that you agree to something that you can’t change - he is taking advantage of your vulnerability. Delay decisions until you are stronger if you have too.

[JessBlu]

Is this behaviour new ?

I assume as he was the one who stated the separation then you have not seen him behave like this before ?

Was he controlling when you were together?

[BevS97]

8/6 seems like a long stretch of time to be away from each home, would 4/3 work - it’s the same amount of time but would give your daughter consistency. Eg. Every Sun-Wed is with mum, every thur - Sat is with dad.

[fefifoe]

Having read this out to my hubby who is a cop ... what your ex did by staying in the house and refusing to leave until you agreed with him is actually classed as domestic abuse in Scotland - controlling and coercive behaviour. Do not allow him to keep doing this to you , if need be speak to your local police for advice

[allycat228]

I actually don’t find any problem with any grandparents picking up the child from school, I’m sure people would be complaining if he stopped work and then stopped paying the mortgage etc.

Obviously I don’t agree with him saying who you can be friends with etc

[Guest]

Originally Posted by allycat228

I actually don’t find any problem with any grandparents picking up the child from school, I’m sure people would be complaining if he stopped work and then stopped paying the mortgage etc.

Obviously I don’t agree with him saying who you can be friends with etc

See more...

It was more the fact that when I’m capable of picking up my daughter I would like to do it. But I understand now that when she is with him, it’s down to him to collects her.

I have been my daughters principle care giver for 11 years. I am finding it very hard to now have to “let go” for 40% of the time.

He has been leaving me “alone” since our chat but warned me that he would like another one in September. Better believe that will be in his house and not mine. Stopping me leaving would probably be a line he’d not cross.

[FlorayG]

Wow you are so well out of that relationship. I have a friend who went through almost exactly the same thing with a daughter the same age. She decided to let the child do that as the child was happy with the arrangement. The ex, who is very well off, even engaged a barrister to try to get full custody of the child and couldn't get it.
One thing to watch is that my friend's ex tried to turn the child against her mother by 'telling stories' about her but the mother and child had such a good relationship she would go back to mum and say "Dad said you..." and it could be explained. Also my friend never said ANYTHING bad about the father; in fact she tells me she very rarely said anything about him at all.
That child is now in her 20's and has a very good relationship with both parents - who haven't spoken to each other for over ten years. So it can work and be good for all parties

[JessBlu]

Originally Posted by FlorayG

Wow you are so well out of that relationship. I have a friend who went through almost exactly the same thing with a daughter the same age. She decided to let the child do that as the child was happy with the arrangement. The ex, who is very well off, even engaged a barrister to try to get full custody of the child and couldn't get it.
One thing to watch is that my friend's ex tried to turn the child against her mother by 'telling stories' about her but the mother and child had such a good relationship she would go back to mum and say "Dad said you..." and it could be explained. Also my friend never said ANYTHING bad about the father; in fact she tells me she very rarely said anything about him at all.
That child is now in her 20's and has a very good relationship with both parents - who haven't spoken to each other for over ten years. So it can work and be good for all parties

See more...

Perfect example of co parenting from the mother. The kids needs go first over your own.