Love my daughter but really dislike her behaviour right now!

[Snowball24]

Originally Posted by bluedave

As a teacher we often find those parents who we need to see most are the parents who don’t turn up - so no, not a swipe at teachers. Just an acknowledgement that there are people in life who need help, but for whatever reason they are the ones who are least likely to look for help.

Low blow? Hmm! I’m not sure entirely what axe you have to grind with me but I find it very bizarre (and perhaps not the kindest of actions but hey ho I’m sure I’ll survive)

There are people in life who struggle for whatever reason. There are people who feel their family relationships have more negative aspects than positives. Do you just reckon people should get on with it, struggling on but taking comfort from the fact that there are other people online who also struggle. They can all struggle and be miserable together! Yea -what a life!

Or maybe, just maybe they can realise that theirrelationships should be and could be better. They don’t have to take the misery route - they can do something about it. If it’s not a book, then health visitors, GPs, counsellors can all offer advice.

Why is this such a contentious issue? If you break your leg or washing machine you get help. If your family relationships are broken why is it so UNKIND to suggest you get help for that.

As my grandma used to say ,there’s nowt so queer as folk’.

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I fully support you! The book reference is good as its a shame to not enjoy every stage and yes its hard!

[CheshireCaty]

Originally Posted by Sandra & co

My son is 21 and had about 15 lessons at 18, he then gave up and said he would start again after uni. I kept £500 for him to learn to drive for his 21st, he has his theory test in 12 days. He hasn't even looked at the practice cd, he has said hes not bothered about learning to drive now! I dont know what to do, I never learnt and always said my kids would. Oldest ds 26 had passed his test by 18, at this rate dd 15 will be learning first. Should I push him to do it, I was going to try and get an intensive course booked for him. Kids eh!

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You can’t do anything unfortunately, although he’ll be the one that’s sorry when he can’t drive whilst all of his mates can and he’s having to spend his own hard earned money later in life rather than spending it on himself.

I know from experience after learning at 17, but pausing lessons whilst I went to uni. I then went travelling, started work and didn’t pick it up until 14 years later. It’s taken me just over 6 months at roughly a 2 hour lesson each week, but I passed last month. Gosh did I regret not sticking with it at 17!

I’ll bet he won’t be told though, neither would I at his age

[Guest]

My twins both want to drive 16 but i will let them get their license at 18 as here in the states need 60 hours of driving and at the moment i dont feel they are ready for it plus its so expensive to insure them .

[Guest]

I am mad at my eldest son he is at school in Japan and i visited him last month .While i was there told him did not want him travelling far so what does he do book a trip with 8 girls 4 boys to Tokyo few hours bus ride from his school staying at a house few days. I texted him 2 days ago to tell him leave credit card behind told him there is a block on its use outside school area. I told him he will need to use cash i gave him I think he had it planned its not the trip its self but that he went behind my back never asked also worry some of the kids drink he doesnt we have had issues in the family with alcohol abuse so hope he doesnt get with wrong kids its hard when so far away.

[WindwoodBay]

Have been here too. My eldest daughter was a nightmare at 16/17 she even walked out a couple of times. We bought her a brand new car at 17 which she treated like a skip but to her credit went to uni, git a very well paying job at the end of it, is over 2 years into a 25 year mortgage and this April paid for my flight to Florida. She also loaned money £8500 to her middle sister this year to get on housing ladder (sadly in her case 35 years for a 25% ownership). She will be 25 in February. My middle daughter has been really rude this year (her cats damaged eldest daughters home when she & her girlfriend were living there - waiting for the shared ownership house and paid her minimal rent) hoping now in her own place she grows up - she will be 22 in March & my youngest daughter at uni went ff the rails at 14. She settled down for a while and started misbehaving at 16. We warned her you are 16 now our way or the highway. She did rein it in, she is now in her 1nd year at uni, really sensible, rarely drinks and is very anti drugs. They do get there but all at different ages but I think with a good home life and education behind them they do settle back down & appreciate.

[Squidgyness]

I always try and see both sides on an issue like this.

On the one hand you are being very generous (I am saving to get my own car - certainly wouldn't expect a handout to do so from my parents though would be very appreciative.) I think it's only right to hope for some appreciation for what you are doing, and I know it can be frustrating when it doesn't come. How many of us have given something to someone, anyone, and been annoyed when that person doesn't seem to care? Or worse, seems actively put out about it.

On the other hand, I remember the great expectation of having something provided - you feel obligated to be so very grateful and that isn't always a pleasant feeling, especially at teenage years with all the emotion and hormones. Without tooting my own horn too much, I wasn't a bad child, far from it compared to some of my peers but even I had feelings of resentment towards people who had the attitude "I am paying for it, therefore you will XYZ..."

I can certainly tell you in my later teenage years we went to Florida in 2009. I was not happy at the time and was tired, stressed and overweight, scared of big rides and so wanted to relax and not do certain things. Instead I was told "I've paid for this, you are ruining this trip, you are selfish, you are this, you are that." I can tell you with 100% certainty that this does not work on most teenagers. From personal experience all it does is amplify your feelings. If the teenager was angsty/angry/sad/upset/stressed, it will just make it worse.

Honestly, I would say that I understood things were happening that they might not feel in control of, or they have certain feelings, however unwarranted, but unless they showed appreciation I would be reducing my support. It's a tough period of time. Good luck to all on here with kids that age, I certainly wouldn't like dealing with it full time.