Really need positive stories right now

[missmydisneyday]

Long term Dibb user but can’t bring myself to post under my normal name.

I really need some positive stories from people’s experiences.

I have just been abruptly left by my partner of five years. When I say “out of the blue”, I really feel that this has come out of nowhere. I’m not someone who lives in denial- there were no signs, I thought we were completely happy. He was completely himself until one day last week he just got up and decided he was done. Until this point he was still writing me little love letters, still making plans with me and discussing the future. We planned on getting a mortgage this year and he was always very upfront about wanting children with me and getting married. I haven’t been given an explanation- right now I have given up on ever getting one and have decided to throw myself into moving on.

The thing is I am struggling to know how to go forward when I believed my future was set out on a certain path. I am 29 now and feel aggrieved that my chosen future has been taken away from me. I have invested so much into being half a couple, I don’t know how to be a whole person and can’t see a future.

I have very supportive friends and family and my mental health is over all good so I am not worried about myself as such. I just need to know other people's experiences of moving on and that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and how they dealt with a situation such as this.

So has anyone got any advice or experiences of how they dealt with a situation such as this and still had a happy ending?

[Guest]

I've only got the obvious to say, no real experience myself.

Firstly really sorry to hear your news, but you will get over it, time really does fix most things.

Secondly, concentrate on doing things with your friends and family, keep busy and have fun, it helps to distract rather than keep trying to dissect "what-ifs"

And finally, whilst it's no consultation right now, it's better that this occurred before mortgage, kids and marriage as those three would have tied you together financially and emotionally for years (even if you had still split up)

Chin up! If they left without an explanation that's a ≈≈≈≈ty thing to do, but you can't make other people behave considerately, so throw yourself into making the second half of 2019 your best 6 months ever...

[galaxy101]

Hi I'm pleased you seem to be in a good state of mind a break up of any description is hard yet alone one you didn't see coming!

Me & my fiancee have been together for 14 years, have a daughter, 2 businesses, house 2 dogs everything you expect from a long term relationship, I'm 45 hes 54, we had planned the rest of our days really, we've had some really rough patches over the years mainly money worries due to being self-employed but we have always got through it & seemed stronger for it. Over the last year we started to become more like friends the fun & laughter stopped, one day I got up & decided I didn't want it anymore, do I regret it... I don't think so. Its been very hard the last 7 months, I gave my business up in Feb, the realisation of I probably can't keep our home is staring to hit, but I have just been offered a job so that could change. I've put all my time & energy into creating a new future for me & my daughter.

I feel like you a bit aggrieved that I've invested so much into our relationship & all our plans & dreams have gone, that hurt more than him moving out!

Your young, you sound like you have great family & friends, take some time out, give yourself a break & when you feel ready start making plans for your future. I promise its not all bad being single again, at least you get to be in control of the tv remote lol xx

[Th1nkT1nk]

Hi. How awful for it to be such a complete shock - I’m really sorry to hear that you are going through this.
My situation was different, but I was with someone for 9 years, desperately in love, on our second mortgage and very much had our life mapped out. He then confessed that he didn’t ever want chn. He had always been wobbly about it but put it down to being too young etc. For me, it was a non-negotiable and I felt completely devastated. Just after my 30th birthday i took a good look at what our relationship really was and I suddenly saw it with fresh eyes. I ended the relationship and the next 18 months were tough but also some of my happiest months- I enjoyed finding myself again. I rediscovered music and a social life. And then I met my soul mate - dh is perfect for me and we are so close, but most importantly I appreciate him and his love more than anything. And we are very happy to have our special little girl.
Whatever reason your partner did this, you deserve better. My advice would be to use this as an opportunity to reassess what it is that you want from life - put yourself first, rediscover things in your life that you love doing for you. Get out. Be sociable. And feel excited about the endless possibilities for your future.

[sam_b]

Hi OP
Sorry to hear about your situation. I am happy to share that things WILL get better! 😀
When I split with my partner of almost 20 years (at age 40) I remember well the awful feeling that my past counted for nothing and my planned future was in ruins. Added to that, we had just sold our house and not found another place so I was homeless, and I didn’t have a clue where or how I wanted to live. I felt so ... adrift... like there was nothing firm or secure.
I moved in with my sister for about 8 weeks whilst I moped and mourned. We went on a quick holiday (which helped) and then I started to crave my own space. ( I was living out of a suitcase with all of my things in storage).
I found a place to rent, moved back to where I had been living and slowly rebuilt my life. I contacted people so hadn’t seen in ages, I got fit (cycling or walking in local forest every day to combat loneliness!), I went out to cinema and theatre (on my own). After 6 months, I joined a dating site (terrifying!) and 8 weeks later I met my DH. (At ripe old age of 41).
I can’t tell you how amazing the last 7 years have been, he is truly the love of my life and I feel so grateful that life brought us together.
There is no fast forward button, and life is scary and uncertain now... but be kind to yourself, take your time and a new pathway will begin for you at some point when you are ready.
Best of luck! 😀

[goodevans]

So sorry to read your post.
It must be devastating when it came out of the blue like that without any explanation.
All it proves is he wasn't worth a lifetime's commitment or wasting any more of your time on !
You deserve better than this spineless **** !

No advice to give as have not been in this situation I will leave that to the many Dibbers who over the years have had similar done and then there lives have changed completely for the better with their soul mate showing up !
I remember so many posts of this nature where someone just couldn't believe their luck at a failed relationship turning into something so good

Hope to read a post from you sometime down the line in a similar vein

Chin up and onwards you go

[Ciano]

So sorry op that is a really rotten thing to do...shame on him. Either way it is a new beginning for you. Give yourself time to adjust but if I was a betting woman I'd say you will look back and say he did you a favour x

[Miss_Tangled]

Such great advice and positivity in these replies, you’ll be writing your own positive story before you know it.

[Loobylou_82]

Just want to send you positive vibes and hugs. You will get through this. Some very positive stories by other dibbers. We are all here for you .

[stormflm595]

So sorry to hear this OP.

I went through the same thing last year. Together 3.5 years, looking to the future, had holidays booked etc.

We went through a horrible experience together in 2016 which resulted in me developing depression. He promised he would stay by my side no matter what to help me through the other side, kept telling me nothing could pull us apart when one day, a week before going on holiday with him and his family, we had a talk and he broke up with me. I was gutted understandably and I still have days where I am still not fully moved on.

However if we didn't break up, my life wouldn't be how it is now. I have a lovely flat, I've been to WDW finally and booked to go again next year, a new job, new friends, new car etc. I sometimes still have days where I think "what-if" but I highly doubt I would have half of what I have now if we were still together. Have I moved on? Not completely but I am getting there and each day is much easier than the last.

From my experience, you'll still be wearing those rose-tinted glasses about the relationship but once you are able to take these off, you'll see things weren't as right as you thought they were. A year and a half later I can now see the behaviours that upset me, words that in hindsight are actually quite cruel and hurtful ("You're not the same person I fell in love with." Of course I'm not, I have a mental health illness! ).

Take time for yourself, do the things you love, do the things that scare you and try and embrace your new life. Here if you need to chat!