WWYD? - Been informed estranged father is ill.

[JudyC]

If it was me I'd have to ring. You could say something along the lines of you are thinking of him, which is true . Only you can decide though

[sam_b]

No advice at all, I just wanted to send my best wishes for what must be a horrible decision.

[DisneyDaffodil]

As others have said, there is no right or wrong and whatever you decide, you should not feel bad about it. If you contact him and he is unrepentant then you shouldn’t let him hurt you again, it’s not your fault. If you don’t contact him, again, you have your reasons and he could have got in touch before now to make his peace if he wanted to.

As Omega said earlier, I would probably get in touch just to see if he was going to apologise but also to be the better person. If you contact him, you have yet again tried to reach out, it’s up to him then but you have a clear conscience. I hope I’ve explained that in an understandable way 😀 Good luck to you with your difficult decision

[Sunnydays]

Myself and my sister have not spoken to my Dad in 18 years. We both decided should he die we would not go to his funeral. I had not thought until this post what would I do If he got in touch if ill. I would probably ignore him as it is just to make him feel better.

[Posiesmum]

I’m estranged from my mother (by her choice). I won’t go into too many details, but I feel nothing more for her than I would for any little old lady. We arrange care for her (she is 88 and still lives in her own home) but she won’t allow me to visit her. Oddly, she does like my husband so he keeps an eye on her and has LPA for her finances and health. Should she become ill, I’d have no interest in seeing her, but I wish her no ill will.

OP, blood really isn’t thicker than water - do what you think is best for you and your own mental health.

[LadyDebs86]

Thanks so much for all the responses. I have to say I am surprised and slightly comforted by the variety of responses received, I expected it to go all one way so it really has helped to read everyone’s thoughts along with the PMs I’ve received too.

Really appreciate anyone that took the time to share thoughts. I’ve still not totally made up my mind but I’m getting there.

[Omega1]

When faced with death, people very often reflect on their lives and that frequently involves the poor choices they made when they were younger. Telling others is a common valedictory act.

[LadyDebs86]

Originally Posted by Rebelrebel

ladyDebs you usually know your own mind so perhaps that you are asking for advice a sign that you may be ready to 'sort things out'?

I've been estranged from my father for 18+ years, it is very long and complicated but he was wicked to me growing up, he had a chance about 12 years ago to sort it but he refused to apologise for all the stuff that had happened. If he died I would feel nothing, I don't hate him I feel nothing for him but if he became unwell so be it I would not be in touch, just because someone is unwell doesn't mean their personality has changed.

You need to decide what it right for you as everyone has different experiences, good luck in what you decide.

See more...

Absolutely not wanting to sort things out. That ship has sailed.

I know my own mind when it comes to politics but emotional matters are a whole different thing 😂

[Donna McG]

My mum and her sister were estranged, even though they lived on the same street. My mum was alway there if my cousins needed a lift or loan of money etc however I would never have dreamt of knocking on my aunts door even in an emergency, I would never have been welcomed, even as a child. A few years ago my mum heard from the neighbours that her sister only had days left to live so my mum thought enough is enough and reached out. She was verbally assaulted for it and it broke her heart. She was told in no uncertain terms not to contact again and not to go to the funeral. My mum was devastated. It took my mum some time to get over it. So, please be prepared for him to maybe reject your call. As much as his wife has said to contact she may be doing so without his knowledge. Do what is right for you and not what you think is right for him.

[Guest]

Phone him, he wants and needs to make his peace with you.

He's asked for you, he can't do more than that ...