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Old 19 Jun 20, 08:10 AM  
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#21
munmun
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Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy View Post
We were at an all inclusive carribean resort in 2002 and couples where getting married there during our stay. It seemed to be production line stuff but I do get the appeal of it (and my SD got to be in the photos because there weren't many in the wedding party.
I think this can happen. At my daughters wedding we stayed for 10 days and theirs was the only wedding.

I think it depends on the hotel, this hotel was small and fairly exclusive, only about 50 rooms but I get your point.

I would say they need to do what they want to do but gently point out the negatives.
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Old 19 Jun 20, 08:11 AM  
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I try not to say no, or that’s a bad idea. But I’ll say how can you make that happen. What is involved? Cost wise. People wise. Agenda for the day etc.

I’d suggest she makes a full plan with costings and realistic guesses at a guest list. Then she can look at the figures, what and who she can get for her money and make a decision.

I would be suggesting she doesn't put down a deposit until she’s got a clear idea of the overall costs involved and what sort of wedding that will be.

Edited at 08:13 AM.
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Old 19 Jun 20, 08:13 AM  
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Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy View Post
They are paying for most of it - i completely agree its their choice and my DW and I will be there no matter where it is.

My ex is changing her mind about whever she is going or not. My daughter is desperate to have her there which I completely understand.
I think you can gently raise if certain family members will struggle to attend, it’s up to her how that’ll impact it. The problem is at that age, and I was guilty of this too, is it’s easy to lose sight of other people and think quite internally. But then it’s their wedding and not everyone has to do it the same way.

Why might your ex not go? (If you don’t mind me asking) that could impact things surely?
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Old 19 Jun 20, 08:21 AM  
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Originally Posted by BevS97 View Post
I try not to say no, or that’s a bad idea. But I’ll say how can you make that happen. What is involved? Cost wise. People wise. Agenda for the day etc.

I’d suggest she makes a full plan with costings and realistic guesses at a guest list. Then she can look at the figures, what and who she can get for her money and make a decision.

I would be suggesting she doesn't put down a deposit until she’s got a clear idea of the overall costs involved and what sort of wedding that will be.
Bev- i completely agree with everything you have said. At no point since they started this process have I told them what to do...my approach (as in lots of walks of life when talking to people) is to say "have you thought about this option / possibility"
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Old 18 Aug 20, 01:14 PM  
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I got married in Florida (not Cyprus) and I have absolutely no regrets. The cost that we paid was minimal (I think the actual wedding was £600 and then an extra $300 for the wedding photos.) This was in 2003 so I do realise the cost will have risen since then but at the time in the U.K. weddings were thousands and thousands of pounds more than this and I imagine they still are. I do think there are more options now as to the different places you can get married that weren’t available then in the U.K. Anyway by getting married abroad, this meant that we weren’t starting married life with thousands of pounds of debt. We also just didn’t want to have to invite people who we rarely ever saw or who never sent a birthday card who I would have felt that we’d have to invite because they were family. Does that make sense?

We did have a large party upon our return and invited about 130 friends and family and we wore our wedding attire and cut the cake etc.

Congratulations to your DD on her engagement, I wish her well with the planning and her wedding. I’m sure whatever she decides will be lovely.
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Old 18 Aug 20, 01:24 PM  
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Originally Posted by Rac20 View Post
I got married in Florida (not Cyprus) and I have absolutely no regrets. The cost that we paid was minimal (I think the actual wedding was £600 and then an extra $300 for the wedding photos.) This was in 2003 so I do realise the cost will have risen since then but at the time in the U.K. weddings were thousands and thousands of pounds more than this and I imagine they still are. I do think there are more options now as to the different places you can get married that weren’t available then in the U.K. Anyway by getting married abroad, this meant that we weren’t starting married life with thousands of pounds of debt. We also just didn’t want to have to invite people who we rarely ever saw or who never sent a birthday card who I would have felt that we’d have to invite because they were family. Does that make sense?

We did have a large party upon our return and invited about 130 friends and family and we wore our wedding attire and cut the cake etc.

Congratulations to your DD on her engagement, I wish her well with the planning and her wedding. I’m sure whatever she decides will be lovely.
So just to bring anyone left reading this up to date. My ex has given my DD her blessing to get married in Cyprus but she won't be there. In fact non one from my daughters maternal side will be present for various reasons.

My ex recently went out for a girls curry night where the subject of the wedding impasse came up. Allegedly my ex stated that "she didn't want our daughter dictating where she (my ex) went on holiday (to be at the wedding). One of her friends retorted with "but its OK for you to dictate where your daughter gets married?"

Ouch. 1 all I believe
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Old 18 Aug 20, 01:43 PM  
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Rac20
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Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy View Post
So just to bring anyone left reading this up to date. My ex has given my DD her blessing to get married in Cyprus but she won't be there. In fact non one from my daughters maternal side will be present for various reasons.

My ex recently went out for a girls curry night where the subject of the wedding impasse came up. Allegedly my ex stated that "she didn't want our daughter dictating where she (my ex) went on holiday (to be at the wedding). One of her friends retorted with "but its OK for you to dictate where your daughter gets married?"

Ouch. 1 all I believe
Aww... what a shame for your DD.😢
How does she feel about not having her mum there? Has it altered her decision or not?

Personally, it would make me be more determined to have the wedding I wanted but that’s just me and I know everyone is different.
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Old 18 Aug 20, 01:54 PM  
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Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy View Post
So just to bring anyone left reading this up to date. My ex has given my DD her blessing to get married in Cyprus but she won't be there. In fact non one from my daughters maternal side will be present for various reasons.

My ex recently went out for a girls curry night where the subject of the wedding impasse came up. Allegedly my ex stated that "she didn't want our daughter dictating where she (my ex) went on holiday (to be at the wedding). One of her friends retorted with "but its OK for you to dictate where your daughter gets married?"

Ouch. 1 all I believe
She should definitely have the wedding in Cyprus if that’s what she wants, we got married In St Lucia many years ago and my mil wasn’t happy but we did it anyway! When we discussed my sons wedding in Toronto she said well I didn’t come to yours 28 years later! We were off to Toronto next month for my sons wedding and to see the sights but now have to wait for next year for Wedding 2 the sequel
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Old 18 Aug 20, 03:27 PM  
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Originally Posted by Rac20 View Post
Aww... what a shame for your DD.😢
How does she feel about not having her mum there? Has it altered her decision or not?

Personally, it would make me be more determined to have the wedding I wanted but that’s just me and I know everyone is different.
I think my DD is very sad that her mum is not going to be there and I completely understand that. The wedding photos are going to be imbalanced to say the least. My ex does occasionally "encourage" DD to move it to the UK but this is my daughters dream and she isn't going to let go lightly.

Believe it or not I would like my ex to be there to celebrate our daughters big day as she was key to bringing her into the world (i did have a small part to play admittedly). I think my ex thought our daughter to cave in to pressure sooner.
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Old 18 Aug 20, 03:28 PM  
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Originally Posted by Sandra & co View Post
She should definitely have the wedding in Cyprus if that’s what she wants, we got married In St Lucia many years ago and my mil wasn’t happy but we did it anyway! When we discussed my sons wedding in Toronto she said well I didn’t come to yours 28 years later! We were off to Toronto next month for my sons wedding and to see the sights but now have to wait for next year for Wedding 2 the sequel
At the end of the day I agree - my DD should have the wedding where she wants to but I know it will (has already) upset a lot lot of family members.
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