The "Dee Don't Do Disney Doh Do Dee" Tour 2011 Day Seventeen

[mkingdon]

Previously on this tour...

The Pre ramble

Day One

Day Two

Day Three
Day Four

Day Five

Day Six

Day Seven

Day Eight

Day Nine

Day Ten

Day Eleven

Day Twelve

Day Thirteen

Day Fourteen

Day Fifteen

Day Sixteen

Day Seventeen - Friday 12th August 2011

It’s been a long old journey, in more ways than one, but here we are. As sure as night follows day, and a pair of larger pants follow holidays, the dreaded day has arrived when we have to return to reality and rubbish weather.

I usually spend most of these last days trying not to weep uncontrollably, and wishing I hadn’t had as many desserts! So at 7am, I am alarmed awake, with nothing to look forward to other than packing and airline food. All holiday we had been kidding ourselves that we absolutely wouldn’t need to do what we always do, and buy another case.

After about an hour of collecting clothes and stuff from all four corners of the villa, for a fleeting second I thought we’d done it. Then, I remembered I had a second daughter, and went into Rebecca’s room to see a full case, and a still half full wardrobe.

With the girls now just waking up, I set out on the hunt for a cheap case to get us home. Walmart did the trick, and for a stupidly small sum of cash, I returned to the villa with this.

Louise and I then spent the best part of an hour locked in our bedroom stuffing and cramming things in. Impressive for a man of my age I know.

So at 9.15, we leave the villa. Of course it is inevitable that we cannot simply go straight to the airport. No, it seems Emily still has one present that she needs to get. She promised one of her friends some Red Vines, which it seems are not something that you see on the legs of women of a certain age. These sweets have been sought by Emily for most of the holiday with no success. The belief that you can only get them in the US was looking incorrect, so we headed for Publix.

They too had none. It would appear that had we had a quick look on Amazon before we left the UK, we could have secured some quite easily! Having told Emily she will have to buy her friend some useless tat, just like all the gifts we’ve bought, we head off in the direction of Orlando airport.

An uneventful half hour brought us into the car drop off area, which is a very simple procedure. We are even handed a complimentary bottle of iced water, which I think was some vain attempt to compensate for the thousands of dollars we’ve had to spend on fuel!

It is a fair trek from the car drop off to Terminal A, made all the more difficult by the huge amounts of luggage, and Louise, who is suffering with a recurring ankle problem, that is proving to be very painful today.

Once we’d found the Air Canada check in desks we join the small queue. As we’re waiting an Air Canada lady asks if she can check us in at the self-serve kiosks, so we wander over to them. As it was at Heathrow on the way out, it just won’t work, and we admit defeat and go back to the main desks, thankfully not having lost our place in line, or else I would have had to inflict physical harm upon her.

Soon enough. We’re served, and soon enough, once again, as we had at Heathrow, I am flagged as needing a security check, and our “server” wanders off behind the scenes….for about fifteen minutes.
Louise, unable to stand on her dodgy ankle finds a seat nearby.

Not being in the best of humour, my comment of “I want that one” did not go down very well, and it was only her lack of mobility that allowed me to board the plane under my own steam.

Our main case was too heavy apparently, even though our overall luggage weight was well within the limits. They say this is to protect the poor souls loading our bags. Well, I’ve just dragged it half a mile from the car hire place which did not seem to concern anyone!

So we had to pull some stuff out, and either re-house it in the other cases, or shove some stuff into Ryan, which of course I’d have to carry all the way through the airport.

Security was absolutely stupidly busy, but it didn’t take that long to be processed. This included a full body x-ray, so whoever was viewing those had a real treat. Luckily I had put on my Wonder Underpants, which were pretty much clean too.

We shuttled out to the gate. I do feel the use of the monorail should be banned for journeys home at this airport. It is just another kick in the teeth, reminding you that your monorail journeys are over for far too long!

After we all restroomed, naturally food was high on the agenda, as you may have noticed the lack of any breakfast this morning.

Personally I would have loved to have had a nice sit down meal in an Outback or similar, but out here at the gate the dining choices were rubbish. Burger King won what was a poor contest, and we struggled to find anywhere to sit to eat them.

As we ate, I made the school boy error of switching on my phone, and catching up on a few emails from work. I have vowed never to do that again, as the endless stream of crap-o-grams and problems just made me feel even worse, if that were possible.

After eating we just sat and waited. Emily’s mood matched mine.

We picked up some sort of Hello Kitty present for Emily’s friend. I’m sure you’ll all be able to relax now.

At around 12.45 we walked down to the departure gate and boarding was just starting. We were in rows 26 and 27. I know this next fact may not be a surprise to many of you, but it was to me. The plane was packed with French people! All the announcements were made first in French also. Of course we were headed to Montreal, which I was quickly realising was very much French Canadian.

In our row of three were Louise and I, and a French chap on the aisle seat. Not to reinforce any stereotypes, but he was a right miserable git. I mean, Louise only disturbed him about seven times to go the loo!

I have to say this was one of the worst flights we have ever been on. It was bumpy and rough more or less constantly. Add to that the lack of free headphones on this leg of the trip and I had to resort to watching Rebecca’s TV through the gap in the seats. Now, every cloud has a silver lining, as she was watching the Justin Bieber film, so I couldn’t complain too much about the lack of audio.

Then between Louise’s TV, and Rebecca’s I watched the same part of the same film twice, which makes three in total as Rebecca watched it on the way out too. Soul Surfer is a film I would not choose to watch once, never mind three times.

Then, in addition to French people, no headphones and entertainment which is probably used as an alternative to water boarding, when I asked for a red wine for Louise it was $6!

Very glad to be making our descent into Montreal (although had we known what this airport was like we may not have been), it then seemed to take about four hours just to land. Every flight this trip has seen any predictions on landing times to be absolute nonsense. This was the worst by far. As we started our descent the pilot said we’d be at the gate in 45 minutes. It took nearer to 90!

The city itself looked amazing from the air.

We landed at 4.05pm and let everyone get off before we made our way off as we were in no rush. As usual, at least two females need the first loo we see, so Emily and I sit and wait for a considerable amount of time.

Eventually they emerge.

We wander to the connections desk and they direct us to immigration. This consists of one desk, but luckily we were behind just one other party. Once we’d been stamped, we were told to walk on to another desk. This other desk was literally about thirty yards from the first, and indeed could be seen from the first very easily.

Still, we had to go to it, and have all our stamps checked!

Finally we are directed to the departure lounge area. You may be getting the impression that I am not very keen on this airport? The lounge was really just one long walkway, with a few shops on either side.

All of these shops were French. No good can come from this situation. Airports are required (in my book) to have at least a Starbucks, a McDonalds (or Burger King if you must) and at least two or three nice and simple fast food places. I’m travelling with two teenagers, not those two clowns off of MasterChef!

It had none of the above. We walked up and down for a bit, and with no suitable place to eat, sit or drink, I resorted to going to the loo. Without going into too much detail, this was also ridiculous. The “stalls” were a nonsense too. The walls and door had such high gaps at the bottom that whilst seated you could have a decent chat with the person next door!

At the very least you couldn’t help but check out their underwear and shoes. Add to that the fact that your neighbour was probably French, and Montreal was fast becoming a Gaelic Hades.

Having left a piece of me in Montreal, we had to find somewhere to eat, and settled on a café style place which made pizza to order. The “chef” was French, and it took quite some time to order one pizza for us all to share. Queuing was an unknown concept, and the whole episode was a shambles.

Finally having food, we then tried to find a table, which was filthy, but it may have been better to eat the table, as the pizza was bobbins. Had we wanted to buy sunglasses that cost more than my car, or a rather sleek silk neckerchief, then we would have been spoilt for choice. However, if you fancied a chicken burger and a decent coffee then you’d be waiting to get to a proper country in a few hours time.

The only positive I could think of at this point was that my Dad wasn’t with me, as that would not have been pretty.

One of the shops we came across after this excuse for food was a massage shop. You sat sort of face down with your face in a hole, whilst someone rubbed at your back. If I had paid whatever ridiculous sum was being requested for that the only result would have been an embarrassing escape of gas that would have done nothing for the Entente Cordial.

We found something like a newsagents and bought some of the most expensive bags of sweets known to man and then went to gate 52 where we were due to depart from.

It is at this point that my notes end, but we must have boarded as I have this photo, and we are now back in the UK.

From memory this flight was better. Frankly I was just glad to see that we were leaving Montreal behind us.

Alas, I did not feel as if I were fulfilling my T shirt’s statement.

So with no notes to help me at this stage, and it being some months after the event, I shall glide across the surface of events.

I watched a few films, but I remember not what they were. The food was OK to be honest, and we landed pretty much when we should have.

I do remember the bus journey from Heathrow to the car park feeling like it was taking about four weeks in itself, but we found the car where we left it, dragged the duvet and pillows out of the boot, and let the girls fall immediately to sleep.

I set up the sat nav, and headed north. Then followed about four hours where every forty five seconds Louise would say…

“Are you awake?”

Having not slept of course, I was tired, which meant that my tolerance for this relentless line of questioning was less than it might have been. Somehow I managed to stay both on the right side of the road, and awake.

Somewhere in Staffordshire I stopped at a service station and bought the strongest coffee available and an energy drink, which really did help, and the last hour was perhaps the easiest of the whole journey.

Beyond the constant questions about my state of alertness, the thing that really helped me cope with the endless motorway more than anything was when Louise fell asleep, only then to wake up a few minutes later, in a panic at the sight if brake lights in front of us. A full blown scream and grab of the dashboard would make me jump out of my skin, and take the Mondeo across three lanes of traffic!

Oh how we enjoyed that drive home.

Once home, we went to bed, but I restricted myself to just two hours to get myself back into UK time asap.

So we’re done. It has been a different kind of holiday for us, and we’ve learnt a lot. Primarily, not to fly from Heathrow when you live in Bolton! Secondly, not to fly indirect. However, I reserve the right to go back on that if that is the only viable method to get us over the water.

Primarily, we’ve learnt that we missed Disney. The fact that Louise was the first one to own up to this was a little surprising, but we know what we like, and to some extent we like what we know.

All of our hotels and destinations on this trip were delightful, and we enjoyed all of them enormously. Naples is spectacular, and we would go back there for sure. Overall though I think we did too much travelling. I love driving in the US so it was no hardship in that respect, but it was more the time we spent in the car, rather than being somewhere, and doing whatever there was to do.

We wouldn’t do as much in future.

I feel that over the ten or so years we’ve been doing these trips, we’ve also completed a bit of a circle now, with the early years being all about Disney, and then including Universal, Sea World and Busch. As we became more familiar and knowledgeable we started to go further afield, including Vero, Daytona and now the Keys and Naples.

Now, having come full circle, I feel that our next trip may well be a more settled affair in Orlando, maybe even just in the one place. The idea of choosing a really nice villa, in an ideal location, for the entire trip, appeals. An on-site stay at Universal may be an option, but having not done Disney this year, our appetite is certainly refreshed for it.

I’m not even going to bother saying that it looks unlikely that we’ll be going next year. At this stage of the year it always does, as we’re skint from having just returned. Most of you know well enough that every year for the past ten or eleven, I’ve said the same, and somehow we’ve managed to get there again.

Doing so is important to us. I know that sounds obvious, but the drive back from Busch Gardens this year, with my ever so cool sixteen year old in tears at the thought of having to leave should give you some clue as to how important. It is only my wish to at least appear like a grown up that I did not spend the entire journey home bawling like a baby.

Florida is “our place”, and it always will be. It is a legacy that started with my Mum & Dad, and I have forced that legacy onto Louise and the girls, but I don’t think they mind all that much. It is more than a holiday, it is a state of mind, and state of happiness that cannot be described or over estimated. It won’t be too long before the next generation of this legacy enter the fray, with a niece of 20, a nephew of 18, and my two at 16 and 14, all too soon, I will be the one sat in the back seat of the car with my big neb on, forgetting my tickets to whichever theme park I am being taken to.

At the risk of this becoming a little “Paltrow”, I need to thank Louise, Emily and Rebecca for allowing me to blow whatever meagre wealth we manage to collect on these trips. Living with an obsessive Florida maniac can be difficult at times, but the upside is they get great holidays! It is really lovely to be able to spend "quality time" with the people I usually just rush past every morning on my way to work.

The girls are at the age where unless I am picking up, dropping off or paying up, I am not number one on their list of folks to hang around with, but when I have them captive in a foreign country, they are all mine for the duration, and I feel privileged to be able to spend time with them, and to say they are my daughters.

They are smart, polite, witty, caring and of course stunningly beautiful. How, I don’t know. They are of course also, untidy, lippy, selfish and moody, but I’d be worried if they were not!

For now, I need to really dig deep into my bank of memories to get me through what is proving to be a horrific time at work. As the cold dark fingers of winter start to envelope the UK, I’ll close my eyes and think back to one of the hundreds of special times that I have stashed away, when it was warm, relaxed and sprinkled with magic.

Thanks to all you readers too. This report has taken forever to complete, so I appreciate those of you who have stuck with it, and for all the comments left. Every one of these may be the last one, either for some time, or forever. It lies with the Gods of our bank account.

Whenever we do get back to our favourite place, it will just add to the large and growing list of special memories it has given us, and I can’t wait!

Till the next time……

[Swoody]

Really enjoyed the reports Craig now go book the flights for next year before the prices go up

[BriarRose]

I've really enjoyed reading your trippie Craig, hopefully it won't be too long before you let us know you've booked again!

[Cal and Dave]

Thanks Craig for yet another entertaining trip report. I have loved every day!

We drove back to Liverpool fro Gatwick once and said never again. If you have to again look at the ba flights we find they can be quite reasonable and compare well to the cost of car parking

[duffman240177]

Fantastic! I feel sad its all come to an end! I will miss your fantastic humour, our girls feel as if they know your girls as they have read all your trippies over the years, we love the customery photo at the door! ( we do that with our girls!)

Looking forward to next years installment!

[SunshineValley]

Really enjoyed it, as indeed I have every one of your reports over the last x years!

We're so similar in some respects, as everything revolves around our next trip - even if we just can't seem to afford it, we do manage to go.

This year it's a split Disney/Villa holiday for the first time, and next year we're already planning...

'till next time...

[DisneyNikki]

I have loved this report as I do your blog. You are my holiday role-model, a true family man and I thank you for sharing.

P.S I am also loving the writing you are doing for Disney dads! Keep it coming!

Nikki

[pennycrayon]

Really enjoyed your trippie Craig and I have my fingers crossed that you and the family can make it back to disney next year

[i love jack]

A brilliant trip report once again, I have loved reading them all Florida's 'our place' too

[Pussycat Doll]

Great reports, read them all from start to finish! You sound like me Craig! Florida is 'our place' too and we're lucky enough to own a little bit of it now, can't see that ever changing - oh yes and we love Naples too! I agree that you need to get some flights booked ASAP! Pussycat