Concerned about DS

[ali-s]

Sorry for the huge post, this has turned into a bit of a saga! DS22 and has Asperger's. He was statemented at 5, primary school and high school were brilliant and apart from the usual meltdowns he was happy and chatty up until three years ago. He failed his English GCSE and resat exams at a different sixth form, which was ok, he failed English again and applied for a level 2 engineering course at local tech college, they looked at his grades and accepted him at level 3 his first year was great, he was happy and seemed to be doing well, though there was no one to one support. Then he was told that due to amount of written work in the second year they didn't think he'd cope and he should do a year of level 2 to build his points up, or something like that.
Then it all went downhill fast. He was in with a group of younger students , none of whom he knew, there was a lot of immature behaviour and horseplay bordering on bullying that he really didn't know how to react to. He was unhappy, his grades nosedived and he was often in tears and I was pleased when after he was told he couldn't do the second year of level 3 he left and found work within walking distance of home.
That was three years ago but I don't think he's ever really recovered from that year, he's not the same boy he was at highschool, he's very quiet , spends almost all his day off in bed and occasionally bursts into tears for no apparent reason. He says he's constantly thinking about what his highschool friends might be saying about him ( he lost touch with them, doesn't use social media) he gets annoyed with himself for getting upset over silly things ( his words) then feels angry that he's annoyed etc etc he says he's had a crap year, but can't tell me why he feels like that.
He works split shifts five days out of seven with random days off, he doesn't drive and we live rural , so he is dependent on me for entertainment and I'm usually working when he is off and vice versa, he has no social life and no friends, though he is very well thought of at work.
Just to add to the mix , DH has been off work with anxiety and depression for almost two years now, I'm sure this isn't the cause of DS s behaviour, but it's definitely not helping, the atmosphere at home is not at all pleasant and I feel very much like a single parent.
Youngest DS is off at Uni, his second year, having a whale of a time and staying away from home cos of said atmosphere. DS22 hasn't mentioned it, but knowing how much fun his brother is having can't help matters.

I'm concerned if I take him to the doctor's he'll just be given tablets, I really don't think tablets are going to help him. I think he needs to talk to someone who understands Asperger's and can help him understand his feelings.
I'm not really sure what I'm hoping to get from posting this, I have a phone number for a counselor who may possibly be able to help, I'll phone tomorrow,. Think I'm just hoping someone out there has experienced similar and come through it ok.

[Bella1]

I have nothing to help but didn't want to read and run. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, everyone warms you how hard babies are but it's easy compared to the anxiety when your older children are unhappy or stressed as it is so difficult to help, sending hugs and hope the counsellor can help.

[Megandllsmum]

Didn't want to read and run either, my little girl has aspergers but is a lot younger than your son, a while ago she had art therapy organised by camhs now I know yout son is too old to access camhs but the therapy course my daughter did was run by mental health charity mind and whilst I used to wait for her in their waiting room there were lots of posters on walls for social groups and other things for various age groups maybe they might be worth a phonecall or a look on website to see if there's anything that might appeal to your son, also your local NAS branch might know of groups for your sons age group, my daughter does some activities with NAS and I know they also do outings for adults every so often, like cinema or pub.
Hope things work out for your son and family x

[Goofy3]

Hi, I really can empathise with you over your situation. My DD is 20 and also has Aspergers. She has very similar problems to your son. She has been through long periods of anxiety and depression, and really struggles to make friends.
Currently she has just started a university degree in Creative writing at our local university. She’s enjoying it after realising she is more than capable of the work, but she’s not really making friends. (Thinks everyone dislikes her, and everyone is just there to party!) so that side of things not going so well.
You say your son doesn’t use social media? My DD has made various ‘friends’ on instagram etc. Some good, some bad, but finds internet chat a lot easier than face to face chat.
I guess what I am saying is you need to help him find something he’s interested in. What are his interests? Even obscure interests have like minded people. (In my DDs case it’s Victoriana era stuff at the moment!)
Would he be interested in learning to drive? Opens up a lot of options if he’s more independent. Joining a gym, slimming club? Rambling group? You may have to get involved in something together to kickstart his social life. If your DH won’t or can’t help you, then make a life where you and your DS find a hobby together. I know it’s not ideal, but you might discover something that you both love! (I have lost count of the amount of NT properties I have been to!)
I have a brother who I also believe has Aspergers. He joined my mum’s walking club, and it’s the highlight of his week. Everyone loves him, taking him extra food, and he has really made a lot of friends.
I also have a younger child (DD age 15) who is a popular social butterfly, and unfortunately that just highlights the failings of the older one, who struggles in this area. Causes a lot of resentment.
I really sympathise.