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Old 23 Feb 19, 03:58 PM  
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TC Devon
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Autistic daughter socially excluded suffering mentally

I don’t know what to do. My daughters 7, a parent at the school has labelled my daughter a prolific horrible bully. Shes complained so much about her- so many silly complaints. Typical 6/7 yo stuff eg my daughter looked at her daughter funny, stuck her tongue out. She’s telling other parents my daughter is s bully. They are telling others. She’s even saying my youngest is also a bully (he barely talks he is so shy) The school have investigated. It’s simply not true. My daughter can be honest (she’s not intentionally unkind) , a bit clumsy in her social skills, but as she has autism this is to be expected.wd are working with her on this. Now she’s not getting invited to parties or play dates. Even by those she considers a good friend.
She is a lovely, kind girl. A bit loud at times and possibly not every ones cup of tea but she’s most certainly not a bully. Now she’s struggling thinks no one likes her, that’s she a bad person, says what’s the point in living, hurts herself. Even said she wants to die.
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Old 23 Feb 19, 04:08 PM  
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tigerfee
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I'm sorry to hear your daughter is feeling this

I have no first hand experience of autism. Maybe you can arrange a playdate at your house and invite some friends. Maybe speak to the mum's first, tell them how she's feeling and ask if it's ok to have her classmates over.

Hope things get better for her soon
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Old 23 Feb 19, 04:11 PM  
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TC Devon
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I ve tried arranging play dates. Most of the time my messsges are ignored or simply put off. One parent gave me so many excuses.
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Old 23 Feb 19, 04:36 PM  
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carolmc
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You need to arrange to meet the friends Mums and explain re your daughter's challenges, how you are working on them and I think you may be surprised at how supportive they will be. When folks understand that she is not just a "bold child" they will feel very differently.
A cup of coffee at your house perhaps?
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Old 23 Feb 19, 04:42 PM  
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TC Devon
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Original parent who started all the rumours knows she’s asd. It’s like she’s made it a personal mission/vendetta against her. We ve only recently told our daughter. She does nt want anyone to know.
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Old 23 Feb 19, 04:53 PM  
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Vinniecat
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It sounds to me like the parent who is telling other parents that your child is a bully is exhibiting bullying behaviour herself albeit probably without realising. Could the school not offer any help? What is the schools bullying policy. Could it be seen that your daughter is being bullied by exclusion? Obviously they can't control things outside of school but I assume children exclude her from things whilst at school. Sometimes we find it hard to see that there are at least two sides to a story. If the other parents and children could be made aware of this maybe you could all work together.
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Old 23 Feb 19, 04:55 PM  
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carolmc
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Knowing it's ASD and exactly how it impacts your daughter are two different things. I would still say to sit down with this lady, explain how your daughters life is impacted by her condition and most importantly explain, in a nice way, how you feel her actions/ chat have impacted your daughter.
I hate to say this, as someone working in this specific area for the last thirty years, but the recent rush to call/excuse mis-behaving children as being ASD or some similar label has caused some dismiss kids who've been diagnosed as being on the Spectrum as just unruly kids.
Sad I know but this lady may just be in that category. You really must try.
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Old 23 Feb 19, 04:57 PM  
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JessBlu
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I can’t think that all the parents have been manipulated by this person. I know someone telling me not to let my child play with someone else would not make me do that.

Maybe it’s time to widen her social circle, brownies, etc then she may find new friends to play with.
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Old 23 Feb 19, 04:58 PM  
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Tc Devon it’s ironic really that the parent causing all of this upset is being behaving like a bully. The exact same way that she is accusing your daughter of behaving.
How awful for your daughter. My DD has autistic trates and when she was your daughters age she would never get invited to parties. Her social skills were terrible, she would say exactly what she thought and as long as she felt it was the truth she would not see an issue with it, very matter of fact. Seeing as this has now escalated around the playground, (honestly parents are worse that the children) I would now be asking the school to deal with the situation and call a meeting. They might need to put additional support in for your DD as it has affected her confidence and self esteem .
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Old 23 Feb 19, 05:10 PM  
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TC Devon
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Sadly the other parent knows what effect asd has on social skills. It’s her job to know, it’s her profession. I never want to sit down and talk to her. Thanks to her my child wants to kill herself. I loathe her. The school are supporting. Tahms are supporting and sending DD on a course for children with low self esteem and anxiety. This does nt stop the damage that’s been down.
She’s just started Brownies, loves it.
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