Jilly and Willy's First. Meemee's 6th Day 11

[rummy63]

The cast

Me:52 years Been to Disney 10 times slightly OCD that tight I only breathe in.

Al: my OH driver and pathfinder

Meemee: Me mother 75 years ailments too many to mention. Uses an ECV we call it the COC (Chariot of Carnage)

Our Willy: Me brother, 50 years, a Disney first timer, is large.

Jilly. Willies other half, 50 years, another Disney first timer.


We are now up to 30 lengths of the pool.

I did mine early before me brain woke up and realised what I was doing.

I showered and changed, came out on to the patio to find the others hadn't gone in.

I had a bit of a go with our Willy because I don't think he has done any lengths.

With all this eating he's getting fatter.

Even the hire car's developing stretch marks:

Jilly I forgive she may not be well enough.

Then I noticed Al who was looking really, really rattled.

Finally he's clocked Willy's spider.

"Here Shazz there's summat under that tarpaulin", he was whispering.

I had to admire the acting skills of Willy and Jilly they looked equally as ansty.

"It looks like a cat", I said.

"Thats no cat, it's got 4 legs at the front, that means there are 4 at the back and those legs are hairy."
He now denies it , but he definately had the jitters.

"Well it could be a cat because cats don't shave there legs, so why
don't you just get a brush and poke it"? I suggested.

Ever the hero my Al still whispering, "I'm not poking if you want it poking, poke it yerself".

I mangaged to get a photo while I went in search of a brush to do the poking.



Look at the concern on Jillys face!

What an actress!

Mental note "a woman not to be trusted".

I gingerly lifted the tarpaulin.

Then I explained it would be ok cos it was only a Black Widder in the process of laying 1000s of eggs.

It had already eaten its mate.

It wouldn't be hungry cos there was the carcass of a half eaten dog under there as well.

I think that's when Al realised.

Maybe it was because Jilly was wetting herself laughing.


Today the plan is Gatorland and back to Island of Adventure.

I told Meemee there was no way she was on the COC today.

I didn't fancy her doing one of her 3 point turns and finishing up some gators rrrrrrrrrs.

So it was a quick bacon and eggs (had to have it with toast).

The bread has gone stale and there is no way I am going to Walmart today.

We arrived for opening 9.00am.

We had bought 5 packs of Gatorade in Walmart because thay had half price tickets for Gatorland on them.

We wont be drinking the stuff cos we're not athletes.

If you don't burn it off it turns to fat.

Funny thing that.

People like me (has the fat gene) know everything about diet.

So we'll leave the gatorade in the villa for the cleaner along with the 5 gallon of ice cream we haven't touched.

We managed to save 55 dollars on the admission.

Minus the 20 dollars on the Gatorade 35 dollars profit.

HOWEVER!

After we had paid up etc. a guy approached us and enquired whether we wanted to go on his REALLY SPECIAL tour.

This involved a trip to the PRIVATE BEACH area.

Getting up close and personal with the gators, feeding the gators and a short lecture.

All for an extra 10 dollars! .

As me and Al had seen the shows before we opted for the SPECIAL.

Jilly, Willy and Meemee went off to see the shows, me and Al went to meet the rest of the THE SPECIAL TOUR.

We had to meet in the middle of the park opposite the train stopping area.

I was a bit upset.

If I had known we were going to THE BEACH I would have worn flip flops.

When we got there there were 9 other mugs waiting.

Eventually 3 guys turned up.
Two of them carrying buckets and one had a camera.

I wondered where the bus was to take us to the PRIVATE BEACH.

One of the guys unchained a double gate and there it was THE BEACH.

A bit of scrubland about the size of my kitchen.


We all filed in.

No sand.

Mud.

Parasols?

A bush.

Flip Flops?

I needed wellies.



They opened the buckets. No picnic.

They were full of the mankiest offal it was ever my misfortune to get a nose full of!

Our names were read out.

As each name was read, one had to step forward and recieve a rubber glove.

After the giving of the rubber glove ceremony, we had the health and safety lecture.

This consisted of a line being drawn in the mud and an instruction not to cross it.

Then all 3 of the men moved towards the waters edge and did some gator mating calls.

I presume they were mating calls because no self respecting gator was gonna turn up to eat the remains of his relatives that were stored in those buckets.

About 5 gators eventually turned up.

We were then instructed to go to the bucket and select a piece of crap and then chuck it at the gator of your choice.

It was a sort of sequence dance.

Take your lump of crap.

Step towards the line to position your chuck.

Smile for the camera

Chuck.

Move along staying behind the line and rejoin the queue.

To maximise time and efficiency, one had to select the crap whilst the person in front was chucking.

We were allowed 3 chucks each.

Since me and Al were the first mugs to be caught our names were at the top of the list.

I led the dance.

I selected my crap.

Stepped to the line for the chuck.

Smiled for the camera

Then a little Mexican guard positioned hisself at my side.

He was carrying a Vileda mop!

What was he gonna do with that?

Clean the gators bloody teeth afterwards? .

Now because this lump of offal stunk.

I was really trying to hold my breathe.

Eventually I just had to exhale and breathe.

Big mistake!

I got down wind of the little Mexican.

Lets just say it was really obvious.

Me and this little guy just came from different worlds.

My world has soap and toothpaste.

Anyway I digress.

My first chuck hit this poor gator right between the eyes.

I just hoped it would get mad and grab the Vileda.

It didn't, it just turned round and swam off.

Poor thing it had come up looking for sex and all it got was a smack between the eyes with a lump of minging remains of its dear dead grandad.

After the ritual of the chucking we were all given a ticket and instructions where to buy our photographs from.

( NO I DIDN'T BUY THEM).

We were all then filed out.

There was the same little Mexican at the gate with a bucket marked TIPS!

Want a tip mate? .

Lifebouys on B.O.G.O.F. at Walmart! .

I will finish this day another time.
Then I have to do my last day which will be quick.

I really want to get on to my travel home day to let you know what happened with Servisaires Rick.

I've solved the photos and I will try to do more

[Sandieb]

Absolutely hilarious.

[Guest]

Don't think I will be rushing off to Gatorland again. I doubt its changed much in the last 20 years.

[sotagals]

Thanks for the hilarious trip report - Would have liked to see the spider photos - my dad once put a plastic snake on the pool deck and fooled us - another time I was swimming in the pool and thought he'd done it again but it was a real one ! swimming away from me fortunately - I had to rescue it with the cleaning net !

[Irishrover]

Brilliant just brilliant writing,

Your photos still arent working, wanted sooooo much to see Jillys acting.

Very funny stuff, made my morning

Bren

[Guest]

Just have to say that i've enjoyed reading your exploits so much. Sounds like you had a great holiday. Wish I was going back soon.

[Ilovesnowwhite]

i would love to see the pic of his face

did he get you back ?
xx

[Guest]

That made me laugh sooooooooo much, I frightened our cat!

Please continue sending reports

[Guest]

I will be so sorry when your trip reports are over, but now I am bursting for you to get to the travel home day too. A cliffhanger worthy of 24 or Lost! You really could have your own TV show!

[voddygirl]

Absolutely luvin these !