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Old 26 Feb 19, 09:26 PM  
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#221
3disneykids
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You can choose your friends but not your family unfortunately.
I am sorry to read what you have gone through with your son. I have read both your updates in addition to the original post and feel pleased that you are happy and living life.
You are doing the right things and the fact that him and your family are seemingly manipulating you emotionally is wrong.
Stay strong you are doing great. Don't let any of them bring you down
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Old 26 Feb 19, 09:52 PM  
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I'm struck by how cruel(?) he is by staying in weekly contact with your mother and completely ignoring you.

It's like a passive-aggressive two-step he's playing.

Nasty ...
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Old 26 Feb 19, 09:53 PM  
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I had everything crossed when I saw your update hoping for a reconciliation for you. Not sure what more you could have done, think you’re Mum could do more to mediate. You can’t do anymore one day he might see sense.

Good luck to you and DH.
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Old 26 Feb 19, 09:53 PM  
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Originally Posted by katiec68 View Post
Well I thought id give you all an update (its a theme for todays posts! )

Well my DS celebrated his 30th birthday last week but i'll start at Xmas...

I sent a WhatsApp saying Happy Xmas - he did reply wishing us the same but then didnt reply to a further message I sent.

So yes - it was lovely to get a reply but I cant say why he didnt answer the second one.
My DH reckons he did it without his wife knowing

So last month my mum text me to ask if it was DS 30th in Feb - she knew this very well as they are in contact on a weekly basis

The following week she informs me that "they all" have a WhatsApp group for his birthday and "everyone" has decided to put in money to send to him! She then asked me the best way to send the money over - I mean you couldn't make it up

She said it was a shame things had gone this far and that we should draw a line a move on - eerrr hello - we have sent cards/presents etc but he's the one who's not told us of his new address and he was the one that spoke to me like a piece of $hit!
DH did step in and say that he thinks they are both out of order and that he has had everything given to him on a plate, but that for some reason DIL is behind it...
Anyway I let it pass as she likes the control of the upper hand so I refuse to engage with her on it

So as I say last week was his 30th birthday.
I still dont have his address

But I went out and bought a really lovely card from a little home made type of shop - they are all into handmade/local stuff - and bought a small acrylic painting that I saw in a teeny art gallery - it was only A4 but it was of a beautiful local sunset.

I though it was really lovely but also inoffensive at the same time. DH was very annoyed as he said I was wasting my money and he didnt deserve it.
I said that I needed to do it to feel at peace with myself - at least I know I have tried!

I sent it to DIL mothers house - registered - so I know they got it.

I also sent a couple of birthday WhatsApp messages to him too.
Well he hasn't opened the messages - although he has been on WA and I havent had an acknowledgement of the painting.

So there you have it.. Im not sure what else I could actually do.
I won't give up hope but I love my life, my DH is amazing so I will not let myself be upset by it all - after all no point in me getting upset if its not going to change anything and no-one else cares!

xxxxxx
You’ve done what you can and it’s such a shame he can’t just send a nice reply to you. Did DILs mother not acknowledge the present or is she not allowed to speak to you now either? X
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Old 26 Feb 19, 10:12 PM  
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Originally Posted by Cuxi View Post
I'm struck by how cruel(?) he is by staying in weekly contact with your mother and completely ignoring you.

It's like a passive-aggressive two-step he's playing.

Nasty ...
My parents even spent a week staying with them in their new house last year

My mum loves to play the matriarch but she has a really nasty streak...

I refuse to take part in their games now - they can believe what they want but I know I can sleep at night

Thank you xxx
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Old 26 Feb 19, 10:16 PM  
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Originally Posted by Macca04 View Post
I had everything crossed when I saw your update hoping for a reconciliation for you. Not sure what more you could have done, think you’re Mum could do more to mediate. You can’t do anymore one day he might see sense.

Good luck to you and DH.
Unfortunately my mother seems to love playing the "i have all the power game"!

There have been several notable occasions but her second best was hiding my sister in their spare room on NYE as we all celebrated my DH 40th birthday - then after coming out to dinner (with 20 of us) saying she was poorly so she needed to go home - then turning up half an hour later with my sister - that I hadn't spoken to for years... (she was really horrid when my dad was in intensive care I cant forgive her!).

I have given up any notion that she might intervene!

Edited to say that I have 2 other sisters that I get on really well with! My 3rd sister doesnt speak to her either...

Edited at 10:29 PM.
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Old 26 Feb 19, 10:19 PM  
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Originally Posted by Cherrypie View Post
You’ve done what you can and it’s such a shame he can’t just send a nice reply to you. Did DILs mother not acknowledge the present or is she not allowed to speak to you now either? X
She did sent me a message for my birthday last year but when I said I hadn't heard from DS or seen his new house she said "oh thats a shame - I couldn't imagine not speaking to my children!"

I thought it strange as we stayed with them for 4 nights at the wedding and I thought we got on very well! I really quite liked her!

Still I suppose if DIL is driving this then she is always going to take her daughters "side".
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Old 26 Feb 19, 10:38 PM  
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Originally Posted by katiec68 View Post
She did sent me a message for my birthday last year but when I said I hadn't heard from DS or seen his new house she said "oh thats a shame - I couldn't imagine not speaking to my children!"

I thought it strange as we stayed with them for 4 nights at the wedding and I thought we got on very well! I really quite liked her!

Still I suppose if DIL is driving this then she is always going to take her daughters "side".
What a sad situation- you’ve done the right thing - he knows where you are, you keep letting him know you are thinking of him and when he’s grown up a bit (or managed to stand up to her) he will see sense x
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Old 27 Feb 19, 12:05 AM  
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Hi Katie, I've just read the whole post from start to finish and I'm so sorry there isn't a happier ending for you.
You sound like you've done everything you can to reconcile with your son but I'm pleased you're in a better place now. No advice but I have all my fingers crossed he gets his head out of his a*se and realises what a great mum he has!
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