I am Fuming

[vampiress88]

Originally Posted by WhereIBelong

Sounds like you and you mum have a different idea on the family dynamic.

You have left, have a husband, have 2 children. That is your family. They come first for you, you do not "need" her.

She has a husband and 2 other daughters, one with a child, all of which seem to need her.

You kids aren't missing out - because they are doing things with you as a family unit.

Your niece is missing out because she does not have that, so your mum is probably trying to even things up a bit. How can she bear to see one grandchild limited in her fun because of her daughter (your sister)'s life situation.

Your children are already more fortunate in her eyes.

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If I hadn’t have been taking mine to Disney then they would clearly be missing out on going there. Yes we definitely have different family dynamics. It’s always seemed a little funny to me that my sister just kept “forgetting her pill” same few weeks my first was born.

She had no excuses for why she treat me and my sister different. I got £100 for my 18th birthday she went to New York. And there’s 3 years between us and no my parents weren’t in any different financial situations. So no excuses at all

She uses the single parent excuse now but to me it’s that she is doing the same to my kids as she did to me

[Floridatilly]

I don’t know how old your mum is ? But my mum is now 65 and I assume it’s her generation but she really believes that my nephew has really suffered and missed out because my sister and her husband split up when he was two.
Because of this she has baby sat him, he has had sleep overs, been collected from school every Thursday taken to mc d’s and then the shop to choose a magazine or small gift etc etc the list goes on.
But because I am with my husband and my children obviously don’t need that extra attention they only see my mum when we visit her.
No one has EVER baby sat my children or had them over night.
I feel that there is no point being angry about it, if I let it then I would be but i just visit every Sunday and smile. Life is too short to hold grudges.
My father in law (mother in law passed away 20 years ago) hardly sees my children. He declared that his grandchildren are too old for gifts etc now because my brother in laws children are 20 +
But my youngest is only 5 so now he will miss out, even my 15 & 12 year old. But hey, ho, they have my love lol
I know my mum loves my children, she just spoils my nephew to make up for his mum and dad not being together even though he is spoiled by his dad and his dads parents too lol
Plus she thinks he has missed out on having siblings too.
It’s hard to work out what goes on in someone’s else’s head.

[WhereIBelong]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

My sister and step dad already deleted off Facebook and they have all blocked my hubby.
It was my youngest sisters photos that I saw this on as she’s still on there. I’m mad cos instead of just not seeing them I’ve let them still see my kids cos I was trying to be the bigger person.

Seriously though would you take a grandchild on holiday to Florida without inviting the other grandkids?

I’m just winding myself up now even more.

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hmmmm - It would depend on cost - take a grandchild who has - through no fault of her own - been handed a poopy end of the stick of life. I take it that niece is a child? if so I would probably in her position, try to find a way.

Her choosing to take your niece away has not taken anything away from your children.

It sounds like you do not like her, or want to spend time with her, seeing her once a month, so do not know why you would want your children to spend time (weeks?) abroad with her?

do you just want the opportunity to turn her down?

[Bozza]

You sound very bitter, possibly with some justification, but you seem to be operating in some sort of oneupmanship thing against your sister.

It's probably this line which gives it away: "I wanted to take my kids first". What does it matter who goes somewhere first? Someone else going to WDW before your children has no impact at all on the enjoyment your own children will have when they are there.

All this talk of blocking on Facebook sounds like little kids squabbling. Be better than that.

Suggest you take a few deep breaths, maybe take a break from Facebook for a while and get on with your life.

[3disneykids]

Originally Posted by WhereIBelong

Sounds like you and you mum have a different idea on the family dynamic.

You have left, have a husband, have 2 children. That is your family. They come first for you, you do not "need" her.

She has a husband and 2 other daughters, one with a child, all of which seem to need her.

You kids aren't missing out - because they are doing things with you as a family unit.

Your niece is missing out because she does not have that, so your mum is probably trying to even things up a bit. How can she bear to see one grandchild limited in her fun because of her daughter (your sister)'s life situation.

Your children are already more fortunate in her eyes.

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I found this a rally interesting point actually. It makes a lot of sense. Probably not how children view it though and it doesn't make it a right thought process but does provide some insight,

Originally Posted by vampiress88

If I hadn’t have been taking mine to Disney then they would clearly be missing out on going there. Yes we definitely have different family dynamics. It’s always seemed a little funny to me that my sister just kept “forgetting her pill” same few weeks my first was born.

She had no excuses for why she treat me and my sister different. I got £100 for my 18th birthday she went to New York. And there’s 3 years between us and no my parents weren’t in any different financial situations. So no excuses at all

She uses the single parent excuse now but to me it’s that she is doing the same to my kids as she did to me

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Clearly this is a thing that has stemmed from childhood (the favouritism and the feelings of you children been left out also feels personal to you. I think limiting contact is probably better for you and your children. I have been in a similar situation and though it isn't fair I feel I had my children for me to look after and financially support.I expect no help from anyone and if it is provided I am grateful.
If another family is financially benefiting then you just have to accept it.
Start your new life in your new house with your lovely girls. You have several holidays to look forward to which is probably a lot more than your niece has so be thankful that you can provide that for them by yourself and that you are in a position where you don't need to rely on your Mum.

[DisneyDaffodil]

I can understand how upset you are and as we don’t know everything, you probably have some justification in feeling hurt. However, I see WhereIBelong’s point too about maybe your mum feels you are in a good, financially stable family unit and your sister needs more help than you do at the moment. Maybe your sister is upset that she cannot give her child as much as you can give yours, even though she probably loves her child just as much.

I am guilty of giving our youngest much more than our older two had. For the older two’s 18th birthday they had cash (£200 I think?) and a family meal out, whereas our younger daughter had a holiday to Disney World. There is a big age gap between the older two and the younger one, and we can afford more now. It certainly doesn’t mean we love her any more than our boys and I really hope they don’t see it that way. However, we do also help the older two if they need it, and give lots of time and love to them. It seems to me that you don’t feel your mum gives you and your children enough of that? Maybe you should invite her around and explain calmly how you feel or even write her a letter explaining? It’s certainly worth a try, I think it’s sad that you are all going to Disney separately, imagine how nice it could be if all the family got on well enough to go together? Family is precious and I do hope you can rebuild with yours, but if they are deliberately excluding you all without any care for you or if it’s become too upsetting for you then I would delete them from Facebook etc and move on concentrating on my own immediate family and cherish and love them. Good luck, I hope you can find some way to find peace from the heartbreak you are experiencing xx

[sammykitten]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

My sister and step dad already deleted off Facebook and they have all blocked my hubby.
It was my youngest sisters photos that I saw this on as she’s still on there. I’m mad cos instead of just not seeing them I’ve let them still see my kids cos I was trying to be the bigger person.

Seriously though would you take a grandchild on holiday to Florida without inviting the other grandkids?

I’m just winding myself up now even more.

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Honestly? Depending on circumstances, yes I might. Probably not what you want to hear though, and I am sorry you found out the way you did, about the whole Disney trip your family planned.

[Guest]

I grew up in a dysfunctional family (I'm being kind).

I recognize some of what is going on here and remember it only too well.

The fact that your mother didn't even mention this trip to you speaks volumes. She has achieved maximum emotional impact with the collateral damage this news has caused.

Do not let them do this to you. Focus on yourself and your family. You have a nice little unit and you have a wonderful holiday coming up.

They are as they are and there is nothing you can do about it and until you accept this you won't be able to move forward in the way you should be doing.

Do not waste any more emotional energy on that negative part of your family they just aren't worth it from what you're saying, there is nothing of any benefit there for you to fight for.

Mother's playing one child off against the other is a tale as old as time.

[ally1966]

Have you ever told your Mum how you feel? She possibly believes that you and your children are OK as you have a stable family and the income to afford holidays etc without her help. She is helping your sister because without her input your sister and niece would miss out on these experiences.

Blocking on FB and reducing contact doesn’t tell someone that you are hurt and upset by their actions. Especially not to the older generation. She might even just take it as a sign that you don’t want or need a close relationship with her anymore - which will probably only result in making the the bond between her and your sister closer.

If you want to rebuild the relationship sit her down and tell her how you really feel before it’s too late. Don’t expect her to guess!

[3disneykids]

Originally Posted by Cuxi

I grew up in a dysfunctional family (I'm being kind).

I recognize some of what is going on here and remember it only too well.

The fact that your mother didn't even mention this trip to you speaks volumes. She has achieved maximum emotional impact with the collateral damage this news has caused.

Do not let them do this to you. Focus on yourself and your family. You have a nice little unit and you have a wonderful holiday coming up.

They are as they are and there is nothing you can do about it and until you accept this you won't be able to move forward in the way you should be doing.

Do not waste any more emotional energy on that negative part of your family they just aren't worth it from what you're saying, there is nothing of any benefit there for you to fight for.

Mother's playing one child off against the other is a tale as old as time.

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Completely agree with all of this but you definitely need to reach an acceptance. It may take time but will help you not to be as emotionally upset by it all.

Just wanted to this OP that the family dynamic has probably lead to the fact that your sister is dependent on your mother and the fact that you have built a self sufficient life the fact that you have your own life and house puts you in a strong position as you don't need them.