I don’t want to always take my mum

[Ciano]

We have been here too. I am blessed to have my mam and dad. I love them both very much but I am done with bringing them on hols. We did it for years. In fact our 2 children didn't know what it was to go on hols with mam and dad as it was always with nanna and grandad too. We have the Florida addiction but it means saving extremely hard and it would be our only break all year. On the last year we all went it was so difficult. Moaning about food, prices, waiting in the parks, no sun, too hot and my husband's driving skills! I was so stressed trying to keep everyone happy. When we came home my hubbie said he was done. The following year I didn't tell them till Feb even thou I had booked in Oct. They weren't impressed but never had a go however I got a lot of...oh you are so lucky to be going on hols etc ... that year we discovered what it was like to go just the 4 of us and it was great. Mam and dad now go off themselves to European destinations. I organise it all for them and they enjoy it. Wouldn't mind doing a week with them somewhere but never Orlando again. It was hard making the break but it was the right thing to do for us.

[DisneyDaffodil]

You and your husband have been very understanding and obviously care about your mum, but honestly, she doesn’t seem to respect your feelings or wishes on holiday at all. I would never dream of expecting my adult children to pay for my meals (very often it’s the other way around 😂 ) or look after my passport. I certainly wouldn’t expect the master bedroom to myself. If it was me and DH and our adult children and their partners and we paid halves then it may be awkward to know which of us would have the master bedroom but if we went every year, then we would take turns to have the master room.

I would either book for the same week as she is away and pretend I hadn’t realised or say it was a last minute offer and tell her about it at the last minute. I would also be dropping hints about the children getting older and staying up later etc so if she does come, she needs to change her routine to fit in. Good luck as I know it must be difficult but holidays are meant to be fun, and your mum does seem to enjoy her holiday with you but it’s meant to be for all of you not just one of you

[Mexy02]

On the other side of the coin it’s amazing how many times I read dibbers take adult children but isn’t that the same thing as here ? Still going with parents no matter how much you fluff it up.
Going away with anyone has to have discussions before hand and I still really think you need to speak to her op.

[sammykitten]

Originally Posted by Mexy02

On the other side of the coin it’s amazing how many times I read dibbers take adult children but isn’t that the same thing as here ? Still going with parents no matter how much you fluff it up.
Going away with anyone has to have discussions before hand and I still really think you need to speak to her op.

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when you put it like that - I'm closer to the OP's mum's age than the OP's, and next time we go to Orlando my daughter and my niece will be adults too. We have no intention of doing everything together, I'm well aware my sleeping patterns etc are very different to theirs so I'll get up and out earlier than them, nip back to the hotel for a kip mid-afternoon, or a snooze by the pool. I can't and don't, expect to have everything my own way.

[duchy]

Honestly you've let her get away with murder haven't you !
She's only sixty one , many women of her age cope with safe codes, door codes, and not always getting their own way.
Having the master suite "we need the space , yours is the lovely room down there"
Lunchtime breaks "we will pop you into an Uber, here's the door code , ring us when you wake up and we will send an Uber to pick you up and meet you"
Tell the kids they are not to wake Granny early on pain of losing something they want <internet access is usually a good one> now they are old enough to understand consequence.
Meals, if she doesn't like the choice offer to order her a takeaway and leave her behind for a peaceful evening of TV .

All said in matter of fact tones ... telling not asking. If she complains just tell her now the kids are older you are doing things differently .
If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to come and you understand completely that the new way of doing stuff may not suit her and she may prefer to holiday with her friend.

Sometimes you just need to lay out expectation but it's her holiday too and she can choose something different if she wants and then none of you are seething or hiding in the closet.

I'm not far off your Mum's age and although it was a bit different as it was my step daughter and grandkids joining us , there were times I just hopped in a Lyft back to the villa leaving them in the parks . I'm an adult, I can handle it !

[THE WIZARD]

I am so sorry for you. It must be so very stressful. I can understand you are close to your mum & dont want to hurt her feelings but be honest she is not too bothered about hurting yours is she. Your children are only this young once & obviously will want to be going on the bigger rides etc and its there holiday too. If you really can not face telling her that its a family holiday for your children then you really must try and book without her knowing, you have been given some good idea's how to do so on here, last minute deal, OH's surprise for you as you need a break/have a birthday treat, say you will take her every other time not every time. Book once she has booked her own holiday. Did she not ask you all to join her on her cruise? For your own health, your husbands & childrens enjoyment as well as a lovely family time for the four of you go without her. Life is a lot shorter than most think, enjoy this time now you children will all too soon want to be going with their friends and not you, who is your mum going to go with then? You and your OH - thats the way its going if you dont do something now.

[Steve.S]

it's your holiday,its costs loads so make sure you get the best out of it,just go down the last minute deal route,and that way is saves any awkwardness

[Andybear]

OP - I feel your pain. Your mother sounds exactly like mine - for as long as I can remember she manipulated and emotionally blackmailed me. Finally in 2012 I decided enough was enough and stopped talking to her - I'm 55 now and it was the best decision I ever made - all my friends said I was like a different person and still am. My sister and her family took her side without listening to my side and haven't spoken to me since then - I'm sad about that but I couldn't go through what my mother was putting me through any longer. At least I'm saving money from not buying birthday and christmas presents for them all - that money goes into my holiday fund

[Mexy02]

Originally Posted by sammykitten

when you put it like that - I'm closer to the OP's mum's age than the OP's, and next time we go to Orlando my daughter and my niece will be adults too. We have no intention of doing everything together, I'm well aware my sleeping patterns etc are very different to theirs so I'll get up and out earlier than them, nip back to the hotel for a kip mid-afternoon, or a snooze by the pool. I can't and don't, expect to have everything my own way.

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See that’s it , it’s all about compromise but the ops mum isnt playing ball. Perhaps a simple honest conversation could solve it for everyone

[Button17]

I think you need to sit her down and tell the truth...to an extent. Otherwise ever holiday you plan in the future will be stressful whether she's there or not. You will be stressed about what excuse to use each year. It's going to be painful to have that conversation but once done that's it. She'll complain a bit but that will be it.

Make it clear that you only get one holiday a year and that as the kids get older they have different needs and you can't be trying to please everyone. Put it back on her..."Mum, I'm sure you understand that the kids want late evenings, and that doesn't suit you, and you must remember how it was as I grew up."

Remind her that she's lucky enough to have several holidays.

Good luck xx