Dementia advice please

[BarrettFamily]

My MIL has been staying with us for a few days. I was already aware that her memory was poor but I have come to realise she has no idea how often she asks the same questions or makes the same comment. I have suggested to my DH we should talk to her and get her to talk to her Dr. but he says there is no point and it would just distress her. Is there anything they can do to support her or is there little point? Any advice would be appreciated.

[vinlaasmummy07]

Hi...

No advice as such, in a similar position. My mum (64) has MS and her short term memory now seems to of began to be affected, she is often repeating things she said only a few minutes prior.

My brother mentioned it to her when visiting her this weekend and she got very upset, I have spoken to her this week as I do every day for an hour or so on the phone and suggested she speaks to the GP or the MS nurse as there are things in place to help, but at the moment she is being very defensive and upset and feels my brother is getting on at her, I have assured her this really isn't the case.

All ears If you want to talk OP xxx

[youre-nicked]

I share your pain, my mum started to see and talk to people who weren't there, when the subject was brought up with her she got all upset and wouldn't talk, latest advice is to just go along with what they say, eventually managed to get her to go to the doctor which was a challenge that took all 3 children, we didn't want my dad to be the bad guy as such.

She was then diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and Alzheimer's at 66 years old, my dad did his best to look after her but it was a challenge and it was affecting his health.

She eventually forgot how to walk and didn't know anyone so we had to put her in a nursing home where she still lives, she has also gone blind and cant talk, its a horrible disease and is just as bad for the loved ones who have to watch them deteriorate.

There is a local support group in our town and hopefully one near you, best place to start is Alzheimer's uk.

Good luck.

[TheHughesCrew]

There's an interesting article I read recently about losing your memory, and what is the norm, and when does it become a problem. I think the upshot was, seek help if and when it affects your ability to do normal day to day things. So, if you go shopping and forget to buy a loaf of bread, that's not so much of an issue as forgetting to put your clothes on before you go shopping...

Try the alzheimer's association for information.

If it's the right 'type' of dementia, there are drugs you can take to slow down the process, so might be helpful if it's not just "getting old and forgetful".

My mum's memory is shocking, and getting worse, but she writes everything down and has been consciously making an effort to use a daily diary which helps. (Her surname is Barrett, but I'm sure you're not one of my in laws ! )

[vinlaasmummy07]

Originally Posted by TheHughesCrew

There's an interesting article I read recently about losing your memory, and what is the norm, and when does it become a problem. I think the upshot was, seek help if and when it affects your ability to do normal day to day things. So, if you go shopping and forget to buy a loaf of bread, that's not so much of an issue as forgetting to put your clothes on before you go shopping...

Try the alzheimer's association for information.

If it's the right 'type' of dementia, there are drugs you can take to slow down the process, so might be helpful if it's not just "getting old and forgetful".

My mum's memory is shocking, and getting worse, but she writes everything down and has been consciously making an effort to use a daily diary which helps. (Her surname is Barrett, but I'm sure you're not one of my in laws ! )

See more...

This is what my mum is doing too, writing everything down and also doing activities to keep her mind as active as possible

[ziggyzag]

Please get her to see a Doctor, my Dad had vascular dementia and it took ages for Mum and him to see a Doctor, the Doctor said if dad had come earlier they can't stop the disease but they can slow it

[Tetrarch]

I'm currently going through this with my Mum too, having previously done the same with my Dad so naturally my Mum was very reluctant to even talk about her memory, let alone seek a diagnosis. A couple of years down the line, the decision was taken out of her hands and mine when she kept turning up to her GP surgery without an appointment and not knowing why she was there. We are now at the end of months of tests and have a final appointment with the memory service for a review next week and I'm fully prepared for some kind of diagnosis. She's not.

For a while now my Mum has relied on writing things down on a ladder style calendar but also has to use a dementia clock to tell her what day it is. She has lived alone since my dad passed away three years ago but at 86, I fear for the future.

Debra

[BevS97]

My mil also suffers from dementia. She was initially referred to a memory clinic. There is support available rather than treatment (at least in her case) but you need to start the process to access the support.

MIL went to Dementia sing along and another day centre which gave my FIL a break as he became her carer and that’s a very hard work. They have resisted help along the way until they have absolutely needed it but FIL has now realised it would have been easier to accept the help earlier.

[Hmr89]

If you suspect then go to the doctor. It's a horrible thought but if she deteriorates without a diagnosis then it will makes things much harder all for all involved.
Both my Gran and my Grandad were reluctant to get her properly diagnosed when she first began exhibiting symptoms. A couple of years later she suffered a broken hip and needed to be hospitalised. The move to hospital and the unfamiliar surroundings really accelerated her condition. Because she'd never been formally diagnosed, the hospital staff treated her as if she was cognitively normal which resulted in all sorts of problems as she was unable to relay to the family what the doctors had told her, and the staff were unprepared to deal with her confusion, hallucinations and sometimes even violent outbursts. Despite originally saying she'd need to be diagnosed via her own GP, after 5 weeks in hospital, the Drs stated that she had advanced vascular dementia and a carehome would be the best option.
When it came to moving her to the home, Grandad had so much trouble gaining control of her finances and said he really wishes they'd seen the GP straight away and got power of attorney sorted as soon as the symptoms had become apparent.

[BarrettFamily]

FIL died back in Feb. MIL is difficult and most of the pressure falls on my SIL. She really doesn’t want any more on her plate. My own Mum read an article the other week which suggested that if you were forgetful but knew it then it wasn’t a problem but if you were forgetful and had no idea then there might be a problem. MIL has no idea. I feel we should get the Dr involved so that if it gets to the point she can’t cope living on her own the process has already been started. DH and SIL seem to feel like it is just one more thing. MIL has been so difficult since FIL died I can understand but I worry about the future and they are stacking up more problems.