Divorce, collaborative law or solicitors

[hel1304]

Hi

I'm getting divorced, my choice because my husband in the main my husband is horrible to eldest daughter who has ended up at cahms, with a few issues. Listening to her talk to counsellors made me realise that we are not a family. I do everything from shopping, housework, child are, finances of family & he basically does nothing!

When we met he had nothing apart from£4000!of debt! I had house which I'd had since I was 19, & a car.

I have been trying to keep things as nice as possible for sake of girls & because we can't afford for him to move out until house is sold, I also have told him I have just fallen out of love for him as I don't want eldest daughter to feel guilty- he has said many times to her if we do split up it is her fault.

We have been trying the collaborative law process but I do feel that he is trying to bully me & I also feel that I am in trial. Has anyone tried the collaborative route, or should I just refuse & do it straight through lawyers. I know both routes is going to be expensive! He keeps saying he wants what he deserves. He brings home just over £250 per week & we live in house which is on market for 295k + he is going after things that have been put in my name for our daughters inheritance from my parents, for their future! I feel he is stealing from my parents & our children & how can we sit around a table & keep it amicable!

I suppose this post is really just to help me put things down. I know no-one can really help me, but just need to talk to someone because my mum is getting really upset (she is my best friend) & I am worried that she is going to have a nervous breakdown.

Sorry for long post!

[CazP]

Sorry I don't have advice, just wanted to send love & hugs and thinking of you xx

[hel1304]

Thanks carol.

[kezza12]

Sounds like you have your head screwed on right. You're thinking of your family and the well being of your children and he is thinking about himself and what he can get out of it. Don't let him bully you. Be strong. I know it probably doesn't seem it at the moment but it will all work out for the better in the end. I can't offer any personal experience on the law front sorry but didn't want to just read and dash.

[Gill635]

No advice, but I just wanted to send you huge hugs honey. Some people are just horrible

Gill xx

[WileyCoyote]

Collaborative will only work if both parties are game to meet in the middle. You need to tell your legal rep how you feel. A contested divorce is costly and just earns money for solicitors so your DH needs to think on about how much of his share he is just paying out to a third party.

Big hugs, i went to mediation, which was good for us at the time.

Be strong. Do what is best for you and your family and speak up !

[Guest]

the only thing i can say if things have been put in your name for your daughters future hes entitled to half so is there any way it could be changed good luck with it all

[Team Turner]

Sounds like you were married to my ex!
I think you need to go back to the mediator and tell them that you cannot settle for anywhere near what he is asking for, and you have grave concerns at the bills he is running up.
As my solicitor told me, ultimately divorce is a negotiation, and you need to keep any emotions out of it.
And as for costs, pay your own - otherwise you are signing a blank cheque against your assets.
Good luck, my ex really put male through the wringer, and I saw that he was a person that I should never had anything to do with. Luckily he wasn't the brightest and whilst he was devious (ran up as much debt as he could on joint accounts etc before I had them frozen - as we were going for a friendly divorce I had trusted him) he wasn't the brightest and I, having taken good advice from my solicitor, managed to buy him out the house for peanuts, and although he made divorcing him as long and drawn out as possible, it was much better in the end. But at the time it was hell

[Guest]

I'm sorry I can't offer advice but I just wanted to say it sounds like you are doing the right thing and I hope everything turns out OK.

[misslilo]

As someone else said I believe collaborative law only works where you can get on to some extent and can end up costing even more as if it breaks down you can't keep using that same solicitor if it becomes contested as far as I understand