advice please im driving myself crazy ..

[JediMuM]

Originally Posted by On a mouse hunt

Then say to him, with the £1000 you have already paid I will take the kids so his little one does not miss out. You can tell all the children that he has to work and cant come with you.

That way the children are happy and only the adults need to know the truth as to why he cant go.

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I couldn't do this as his lil one wouldn't go without him .. hes really clingy

I think its this reply that has me the most worried about talking to him about it

[munmun]

Originally Posted by JediMuM

what do I say if he replies with a no ?

do I pay or go without him .. his lil one is really excited and I know my two love them both to bits

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Seems like communication is not a great part of your relationship!

I would write down how much you have paid, how much more is to be paid and work out his share.

Then sit down and give him the factual information. It is then his choice what he does. This is not you choice it is his.

If he says he can afford it then find out in writing what he can afford and when you will get the money.

It seems like you feel held to randsome over this and that you believe that everyone's enjoy,net is your responsibility. This really isn't true and nor do you need to feel this way.

So, for me I wouldn't pay it all. I would maybe lend the money IF he agreed to pay the money back.

Step back and think what you would say to your best friend if they told you this story.

[munmun]

Just a thought, is this more to do with your whole relationship than your holiday?

[r.mac]

I feel for you - money can be hard to talk about in .

I like the suggestion above about detailing everything and show what it's costing you with your 3/5ths and his 2/5ths. Don't presume he can't or won't pay - but firmly let him know how much he owes you and what date you need it by [before you will have to cancel his portion of the trip].

If he pays up great - it may be a misunderstanding.

If he says he can't/won't then you need to start off how you mean to go on - i.e. not making up the difference. Just gently explain that you would love to help him, but you can't afford to. There may tweaks you can make to the trip to help him afford it - e.g. not getting HHN tickets.

However, your post seems to me not so much about the holiday, but that you aren't sure where you stand with him or trust him? Anyone that loves you won't make a big deal out of this and will understand. Don't you worry about your children - if he's not right for you then better off knowing and moving on now than in months/years time.

big hugs xxxx

[Guest]

I think you have to put yourself and your kids first.
It sounds like he's taking you for granted and honestly like he's taking the pee.
Yes it will be sad if his little boy can't go but that's his dads fault , not yours .
I think you just have to be straight with him or risk ruining the holiday for yourselves if you have hardly any excess money and what if he expects you to pay for everything over there ?
That's just what I'm getting from what you say , hopefully he's not like that but I'd also want proof he will bring spends as well as paying his fair share for the trip

[On a mouse hunt]

Originally Posted by JediMuM

I couldn't do this as his lil one wouldn't go without him .. hes really clingy

I think its this reply that has me the most worried about talking to him about it

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He is a grown man, if he cant/wont pay then he will have to be the one to deal with his little boy.

Your children might be a bit disappointed at first but will soon feel better once there.

It sounds like you are wanting us to say to you "pay for him and his little boy" to keep the peace. I dont wish to sound harsh but it reads as though there is more going on and your afriad to talk to him because of how he responds, no one in a relationship should be scared to tell others how they feel because of the consequences.

I truly hope you manage to have a chat with him and it turns out you are worried over nothing, but all the time you put it off your going to get more and more in a state about it, be brave lovely and open up xx

[smedley]

I agree with what the others have said. I really like the idea of writing down what's been paid and what is to be paid and showing it to him, just say hey I thought we should look at what's left to pay so I've broken it all down and it looks like this.

You 100% shouldn't be paying his share when you agreed at the outset to pay your own ways

[Mel49]

Does your OH actually live with you and contribute to household bills at the moment?
If so he must know that your income is not unlimited and that you have had to save and budget for the holiday in which case he should have done the same.
As others have said write down all the costs of things that can't be changed together with a total that he is due for 2/5th and then a list of costs which could be cut to make it cheaper. Also remember to mention food costs and spending money etc.
Hope he is just one of these men that leave things to the last minute and he is able to come up with the money and you can all have a fantastic time

[snowbelle]

Please please don't pay for him or offer to take his little boy with you to keep the peace.
Sit him down ask him honestly if he wants to go and straight up can he afford it ?
As someone who has been taken for a ride too many times due to my nature , if I had that hindsight I wouldn't do it again ... I'll give u one example
I love my stepsons and we asked them to come with us to Orlando in 2010 on condition their mum paid for spending money ... the night before we were due to go we picked them up ( then live an hour away)
Their mum had packed their case full of clothes that didn't fit and £10 spending money ... for two weeks in Florida 😤In the end to keep the peace me and DH paid for everything including all new clothes.
Never again !
Your boys shouldn't miss out as you've worked so hard for them and I've read your posts before how much you do for them as a single mum and you should be so proud of yourself for that .
Good luck
Clare

[JediMuM]

Thanks Guys
I think I need to sit down with him and see what he says ..
Im going to write down everything thats booked whats been paid and whats left then see what he says ..

ive already spoken to him about how I need to save for the boys for uni and how ive started an isa for that (its a while off but with two its going to cost some).

I think I just know he is going to say he cant afford it .. he was meant to be saving from last year which was when I started, I think he just hasn't bothered.

im not looking forward to it but like you've said Whitequeen .. I think it is just going to get worse if I don't.

I know if it was one of my mates I know what I would be telling them.

im out at second job until 9 tonight so I think I will try after that .. wish me luck !