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Unread 12 Aug 18, 11:40 PM  
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It's A Long Way To Itinerary. April 2017 TRAVEL DAY

A quick explanation for this trippy being very late.

I had most of it typed up and then developed an impingement in my arm.

I think thats a posh term for trapped nerve.

It sounds like nothing, but it was painful especially at night.

Then I developed a frozen shoulder and lost a lot of use in the arm.

Most of my evenings were spent sat like a MOC (miserable old cow) with a wheat bag wrapped around it.

Hence, I never got around to posting the trippy.

I recently had a three-week trippy with our friends the Knotties (you know them from previous trips) and hey presto came back 80% cured.

Back to my 2017 tale.

The people on this trip are me and Al. (you know us from previous trips).

My elder sister Lily and her husband Larry.

It is their first time to the States mainly because our Lily hates flying so anything over four hours is a no.

For Larrys sake she is going with it.

I wont be posting photos of them as Lily works in a large school and it really wouldnt be fair.

The trip is fly to Vegas do a circle Grand Canyon, Monument Valley, Page and Zion then return to Vegas.

The pre-travel day was spent at the Premier Inn Manchester and we met up there.

Lily and Larry had a lift from West midlands and we trekked over the mountains from Leeds

Travel Day

I hardly slept despite having downed six bottles of Korona.

My first job of the day was to clean the hotel room and I couldnt remember any rock stars or footballers dropping in but clearly, they had because that room was a mess.

I did all my ates

I knocked out Motivate there was no need for that particular ate today.

My next were Hydrate and medicate. (Water and tablets).

Then exfoliate and caffeinate.

I gave Lily and Larry a knock in case they had over slept but they were up and about.

They too had done their ates.

We squeezed the cases into the car for the five-minute drive to terminal two meet and greet car park.

Our Lily had booked the car park and got it for the princely sum of 53.00 so I didnt have to use my fat vouchers.

The car business as always was straight forward so we made our way to the Virgin check in.

There werent any weird questions today just an uncomplicated check in.

The bizarre questions must be reserved for Delta passengers.

Security was a breeze I remembered to breathe in for the body scanner.

I did detect a few titters and Im pretty sure the skinny brunette officer who beckoned me forward had a hint of a smirk.

Our Lilys security experience was not so great.

She set off the detectors because she always does.

This is the result of a faulty staple job on her shoulder executed in some country when having partaken of far too many sherries she tumbled over a particularly large kerb side that apparently just rose up to greet her when she stepped on it.

She was moved to one side and underwent a thorough probing with the light sabre and in the meantime her handbag set off yet another alert.
Once again, this is a regular occurrence she thinks its because of the inhalers.

About six security personnel gathered around that handbag scratching their heads. They took everything out of it starting with a host of tissues and some of them were used.

Then there were the three inhalers, Steroid, Ventolin, and Pinot Grigot.

I was slightly uneasy when the next item was carefully extricated I thought they had found a soddin hedgehog but then realised it was only her hairbrush.

There was also an opened bag of Werthers Originals the ones with the creamy centre. (She kept them quiet).

Me ?

I was just relieved that she didnt have a bottle of that V.I Poo that she bought off Amazon and was threatening to bring with her.

We were stood there whilst they emptied the bag and I was nudging Larry whispering, Just tell me that VI Poo isnt in there.

There is a god she had forgotten it.

They then put the empty handbag back through and let her go.
Breakfast was Frankie and Bennys and it wasnt busy.

Larry and Al ordered the large full English. Our Lily ordered the small.

Remember this because it became a source of major contention for the rest of the holiday.

Not wanting to appear greedy I ordered the small as well.

Al did slip me his sausage.

I was very grateful for that sausage because the small breakfast was obviously aimed at the dwarfing community.

We didnt tour the duty free because the smell of the perfume sets our Lily off.

Precisely what that involves she never explained we just went along with it and did as we were told.

A tour of the book shop was allowed, and I bought the latest Lee Childs.

Larry loves his dailys, but he was under strict instructions to buy no more than two because they are more expensive on Sunday and apparently, they are full of defamations, denigrations, and inaccuracies.

At least the plane was on time and it was Ruby Tuesday.

The first meal was a dandelion leaf starter followed by Pedigree chum in a red wine jus and it was quite delicious.

I particularly enjoyed my baby pearl potato which had been harvested for a toddler.

I checked ALs meal and he had not one, but three potatoes now obviously there had been a huge error and we should have had two each. I demanded that Al give me one of his baby pearls.

He flatly refused.

Why is it that Snow White, Arial, Cinderella, and Bell go through a bit of a voyage and live happily ever after with Prince Charming?


Stuck for eleven hours on a plane and the gentleman of my dreams wont even give me one of his baby pearls.

Well my name isnt Elsa and there was no way I was simply going to Let It Go.

I racked that one up for later. When the ice lollies arrived, I declined.

I knew Prince Charming would have eaten two but there again I would have eaten two baby pearls.

Now I dont know what was going on, but they just kept on bringing stuff.

Ive got a feeling they were spring cleaning the cupboards and were getting shut of it all.

I kept nodding off and every time I awoke there stood Nate, like a chocolate soldier with something to eat or drink in his hand.

I swear he must have been one of those feeders, squash, water, buns, crisps, wraps biscuits and if his offerings were declined?

Well, the look of disappointment on his face was worse than that of an X Factor reject.

By the time we disembarked we all felt a tad queasy.

We couldnt do Alamo skip because we had booked with US Rentacar.

Ive booked with them since but joined Alamo Insiders so have been able to do Alamo Skip.

(Just saying).

The Alamo queue wasnt long and there was no hard sell because we had booked everything.

Armed with all the paperwork we chose a big black rig that had GMC on the front and said Yukon on the side.

We saved $100 because I had pre-booked a sat Nav that was payable locally, but the big rig had an in- built sat nav.

I had pre-warned Al that he wasnt in fact The Stig and we would like to catch the occasional glimpse of stuff on our travels.

One of the roads was closed and off course the Sat Nav didnt know that so after several detours we made it to Sams Town.

We hadnt a clue what we were doing so just did the valet parking.

The check in was brusque, not rude, not friendly just brusque.

The rooms were great because we had connecting doors.

There wasnt a kettle or coffee maker.

We had brought a kettle as I guessed that would be the case.
I have been in a couple of lower end hotels in Vegas and they dont have coffee makers, they want you out on the floor gambling or buying a coffee.

We needed water to make a cup of tea and I had noticed a vending machine at the end of the corridor.

Lily and I went to fetch water it was 2 dollars a bottle, trouble was we didnt take the first bottle out before we bought another. A large plate dropped, and we couldnt get the water out.

What did we do?

Yes, we put another two dollars in only to lose that as well.

Of course, it was me that had to traipse down to see Mrs Brusqe because our Lily wasnt bothered about losing 6 dollars.

Mrs Brusqe sent me to the B Connected booth which was at the other end of the casino. I did enquire if there was a Sherpa available to accompany me on the trek, but Mrs Brusque shrugged and waved her hands.

I hate unappreciated sarcasm.

I trudged the casino floor and I know why they call it Sams Town and not Sams village the place is massive.

I Finally found the B Connected Booth.

Miss I really cant be rrsed with you at the B Connected booth re-directed me to the cashiers office.

I asked if there were any buses due to take me there.

No Comprendez.

Ah well.
I plodded on and spied the cashiers office.

I was that knackered I thought about doing the last 10 yards on all fours.

Miss I. Q of a house plant demanded some form of ID.

I didnt have any.

I explained the situation and told her to ring Miss Brusque on reception as she had seen my passport and having travelled 8000 miles the first thing on my agenda wasnt to try and defraud the hotel out of 6 dollars.

After a lot of very slow form filling she threw the six dollars at me.

By this time, I really needed an out of order sign for my forehead I was blowing.

I advised her with a throw like that she ought to seek a trial with the LA Dodgers she would probably get a game.

Armed with my 6 dollars I slogged back to the room. I was so thirsty I swear I was mopping the floor with my tongue as I trudged along.


Obviously not.

That long trek back gave me shin splints.

I arrived triumphant with the six dollars and there they were smugly sipping tea whilst mine had gone cold.

Apparently, there was a shop in reception and Al had gone for water there.

There comes a time when you must stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump in a bloody puddle for you.

After a quick shower we went down to the casino to have a look around maybe have a drink try to eat something and get to bed as late as possible.

Earlier at the B Connected station I had noticed to get a B connected card you needed your passport.

We did this first and to be fair Miss I cant be rrsed with you only took about an hour to do them. (Well it felt like an hour).

We then did a little tour of the casino, but our hearts werent really in it.

We bought a drink at the Sports bar 3 warm bud lights and a glass of wine served in a glass that looked as though it came free with the Shell reward points.

The cost was 25 dollars.

I really dont get it, if you sit at a machine put a dollar in it and they will give you a drink free.

Well of course there is the obligatory tip, but it wouldnt be 25 dollars.

Armed with our B Connected cards we checked out the buffet it was very good for the price but none of us ate much we were too tired.

We decided to call it a night it was 9.00pm so technically 2.00am according to our bodies.

Edited at 11:54 PM.
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Unread 13 Aug 18, 08:53 PM  
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Capt Wilko
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Reading this has made me realise how much I have missed your trippies.

Haven't stopped laughing yet and it's only travel day.

Looking forward to more!
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Finally going back to our happy place
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Unread 13 Aug 18, 11:21 PM  
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Yay! Youre back! So happy to see your trippie here and cant wait for your next instalment! Xx
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Happy Birthday dear Alan...
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Unread 14 Aug 18, 07:47 PM  
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😂😂 made me smile a good travel day. Sams Town looks a nice place.
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Unread 15 Aug 18, 09:02 PM  
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Love your trippies! Great travel day: so many laugh out loud moments
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Unread 29 Aug 18, 11:27 PM  
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Really love reading your trippies. They never fail to make me chuckle!
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Unread 21 Sep 18, 09:01 PM  
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Yay I love your reports ... Finding this one just made my day
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Miami Twice 2018 part deux
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Unread 29 Sep 18, 08:31 PM  
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So glad you're back and can't wait for the rest of the trippy.
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