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Old 24 Sep 14, 03:46 PM  
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MargaretMouse
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17 yr old non independence

I have a son with many needs. He is 17 and the biggest problem is he has no independence eg I have to tell him what clothes to wear, can't go out on his own. I'm so worried if something happens to me. I have no support for him and as his 17 he decided he does not want a social worker. He does not go to college as their was no transport available and all he does his four hours twice a week at a local group, which last for six months. He does suffer with depression and high levels of anxiety and had counselling for twelve weeks, which was a total waste of time. I'm just so worried about his future and if there is anything I should put in place incase something happened to me.
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Old 24 Sep 14, 04:19 PM  
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Disney Jo
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Sorry I don't know much about this situation to offer help but wanted to give you a hug, must be very hard.

Is there a support group for people with the same condition/illness as your son (sorry wasn't sure exactly how to say it) or a youth place he could go and maybe interact with others that he might be able to socialise with?

Do you have any other family members who you can share your concerns and worries with who, god forbid something did happen, would be able to step in and help your son. xx
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Old 25 Sep 14, 07:20 PM  
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Mum he's coming with me when u n dad die I'v told you that
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Old 25 Sep 14, 07:24 PM  
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MargaretMouse
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That's so kind of you, Amy, but I worry as you have already, three boys with many medical needs and Ben is such hard work. I think we need to have a face to face chat about Ben, soon.
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Old 25 Sep 14, 07:32 PM  
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Originally Posted by MargaretMouse View Post
That's so kind of you, Amy, but I worry as you have already, three boys with many medical needs and Ben is such hard work. I think we need to have a face to face chat about Ben, soon.
Why soon where u going! Have you both got life insurance yet
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Old 5 Oct 14, 09:09 PM  
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Your not alone in your worries. I think so many of us worry constantly about how our offspring with additional needs will cope without us when we're gone. My DD is nearly 15, totally socially isolated now. My only hope is that my DS will at least look out for her, but that is a worry due to influences a partner may have on him later in life, its heart breaking, but all we can do is try & look to what we need to put in place for her future **Hug**
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Old 9 Oct 14, 09:42 AM  
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Originally Posted by MargaretMouse View Post
I have a son with many needs. He is 17 and the biggest problem is he has no independence eg I have to tell him what clothes to wear, can't go out on his own. I'm so worried if something happens to me. I have no support for him and as his 17 he decided he does not want a social worker. He does not go to college as their was no transport available and all he does his four hours twice a week at a local group, which last for six months. He does suffer with depression and high levels of anxiety and had counselling for twelve weeks, which was a total waste of time. I'm just so worried about his future and if there is anything I should put in place in case something happened to me.
small steps, nice and slow with this one Margaret

firstly can i say you're not alone we all have these fears but you can keep plodding on with small steps and working with your son steering him towards some level of independence

with the SW thing i am pretty certain that with your young mans age he cannot really refuse the SW and their input as he is still legally a "child" you need to be firm on this and insist on the SW involvement - why ?

because with a SW in place they can organise a direct payment or individual budget and that can bring transport back for him to go to college and with this he will also be entitled to a disabled students bursary of £1,200 a year, would that be a incentive enough to get him to agree to a SW ? this would be a financial payment made by the college and it is based on attendance

as for the future without you there are things such as independent living and also supported employment usually accessed through social services (would this be reason enough to ignore a teenager saying he does not want a sw ?)

most of all Margaret i do think a SW will support you you should be having a yearly carers assessment for your own health and wellbeing at the very least

and then there is individual travel training ? i wonder if you have ever been offered anything like this or shown how to implement it yourselves, it's a very long and slow laborious process but it can reap great rewards

and finally with the making decisions about clothes, we have a organised wardrobe with "sections" and i pack away a lot of unsuitable summer seasonal clothes in the winter and vice versa which definitely helps and then i usually try gentle reminders when my daughter first wakes, i open the curtains after her alarm has gone off and i say it's cold today so warmer clothes, she doesn't always listen and there has been some spectacular outfits (she is incredibly lazy so will grab anything when she is tired) but i persevere and for the most we get there

hope this helps a little
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Old 10 Oct 14, 10:31 PM  
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MargaretMouse
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Thanks so much for all the advice and tips. I just thought it might get a little easier when my son got older, but to be honest it has got harder. There is not much I can do except be there for him and try to support him.
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Old 11 Oct 14, 08:17 PM  
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it does get harder Margaret because i think it begins to hit home how much our young people still rely on us and this is why i said start with small steps

i know you worry so much about him being isolated and so personally i would keep pushing the SW issue and i would definitely make sure it's known you want him on the list for supported living in the future

you could also look at supported employment for him and in the meantime whilst pushing for other bigger things you could start on the smaller steps towards independence with encouraging him to make his own decisions about clothes using a lot of simple prompts and organising of those seasonal clothes and how things are stored

another thing i would also be working at is encouraging him to help you prepare small basic meals and things like washing up, using the washer machine etc (all small steps towards a independent future) and the way i see it if the kid can use a computer he can operate the washing machine and a microwave or toaster
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Old 11 Oct 14, 08:17 PM  
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