Funerals and not having one

[Gryff]

We are not having funerals for several reasons
When we are gone we are gone
The length of time now it takes to get paperwork cremation dates etc etc just prolongs the immediate grief
Plain and simple the first date the undertaker can get at the crematorium no fuss no mourners no flowers
If you can’t come visit me when I’m alive or send me flowers don’t bother when I’m dead
2 sons were fine with that one wasn’t till his stepson died it was 3 weeks till the funeral
Torture for them all he now says what ever we want

[Mr Tom Morrow]

Becoming quite popular.

The Funeral Director takes the deceased to the Crematorium at a time to suit them without the Family even being involved. Then that's it. Or people can attend when they scatter the ashes some weeks down the line. Each one is different.

[Evil queen]

Originally Posted by Jan

I have been to a funeral this morning and it set me thinking. I really don’t want a funeral for me. I don’t want people to be teary-eyed and upset. I would just like the wake afterwards. Is it possible not to have one and how does that work?


PS I know I ask some rather odd questions!

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Rather sadly we have lost 2 close relatives in the last 4 months and so I do have some current experience of this. My nanna was quite clear that she didn’t want a funeral and had said for years we should just shove her in a cardboard box and not waste any money on a funeral. She was not religious in any way and just really didn’t like a fuss. Actually I think she was quite a modern thinker in some ways for a 95 year old. Although it was hard we stuck with her wishes although of course the Covid regulations meant that a traditional funeral wouldn’t have been possible anyway. We had a private cremation- we knew the time and date but it was done behind closed doors- I must say the funeral directors were fantastic and very respectful. A couple of weeks later the ashes were delivered to us and we decided to scatter them in the same spot as my grandpa, her husband, had been scattered 35 years earlier. This meant my dad felt able to come along as he was still sheilding. We then had a family meal and remembered the fun times we had had with her. I think she would have approved. It was hard for us in some ways to not have a funeral as it’s almost expected and I guess for family it does offer some sort of closure however I’m pleased we stuck to her wishes and we got our closure when we scattered the ashes. It’s a really personal choice and I know it’s not for everyone.

[Floridadreams]

Having lost my cousin at the beginning of stupid Covid restrictions none of us were able to attend her funeral. I still don’t think I’m dealing with it very well. I don’t feel like she’s gone and I don’t feel like I got to say goodbye. She would have hated us being there all upset, but I feel like we’ve missed an important moment and now we’re all a bit stuck. As horrible and as upsetting as attending a funeral is, I really do feel it is a really important part of the grieving process. It really is more about the people left behind and helping them to start to move on.
If you don’t want a funeral, that’s all well and good. But you won’t know either way what happens - the people left behind will. Please talk to them before making such a big decision that really is more about them than you!

[Colette-S]

As someone said earlier, funerals are for the living. Having dealt with a death during lockdown which didn’t allow for a full funeral I realise how important a funeral/service/wake is in the grieving process. It brings a sort of closure and it’s therapeutic to gather and share stories. Without marking it the way we wanted it sort of feels unfinished and it’s difficult to move on

[Floridadreams]

Originally Posted by Colette-S

As someone said earlier, funerals are for the living. Having dealt with a death during lockdown which didn’t allow for a full funeral I realise how important a funeral/service/wake is in the grieving process. It brings a sort of closure and it’s therapeutic to gather and share stories. Without marking it the way we wanted it sort of feels unfinished and it’s difficult to move on

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Sending hugs! I don’t know if it’ll ever feel real because of missing that part 😢

[Colette-S]

Originally Posted by Floridadreams

Sending hugs! I don’t know if it’ll ever feel real because of missing that part 😢

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Thank you, love to you too!😘

[stecee]

Originally Posted by sophiepop

I totally understand where you are coming from and I would actually love to do the same. To go to a funeral is not nice and I would do anything to save my Daughter from having to go to mine. I have even told her that if she doesn't want to go then I don't blame her. Also, don't waste any of my money letting me go in style, just send me on my way in the cheapest way possible

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These are my thoughts entirely, I’ve told my wife that whatever she does for me, to not waste any money on it, to keep it as cheap as possible.

[daytonababe]

My dad was the same


He got what we wanted , the most very basic of cremations

Cheapest coffin , no ceremony at all and no wake

He was taken to the crematorium we ( just my mum, sister , me & my husband ) spent about 20 mins in there as a final goodbye , and that was it .
This was 2011 and it still cost £1700

It definitely raised a few eye brows , not everyone agreed with it and some of his nephews were a bit upset there wasn’t to be a proper funeral but that’s what he wanted .


To add we had always known this was what he wanted so it wasn’t just sprung on us ..

[sam7]

I hated my parents funeral, especially my mums (think my dads I was focussed on her, but hers it was just me), I obviously appreciate my family would have to do what they felt was for the best, but I will make it clear that they should not do anything they think I would have wanted