Should I Buy a Gift?

[Celica190]

Complicated extended family, so please bear with me!

My sister’s stepson’s daughter, Macie, will be one year old on Friday. I buy gifts for my sister’s stepchildren, same as I do for my niece and nephew and bought Macie a gift when she was born.

I have never met Macie. Despite asking my sister for her stepson’s address when he was living with Macie’s Mum (they’re now separated), I was never told where they lived. Now that the stepson has moved back home and has Macie at least twice a week, he has never brought her to my house and I’ve never been asked to call down to see her.

I will probably be the worst in the world if I don’t buy her a birthday present but I don’t feel like she’s part of my family.

All advice welcomed!

[Bootrip2]

I would probably just buy a small gift for her, adult politics are not the fault of the child. I think it would seem petty not to spend a few £££s on a child. Just my thoughts. X

[Loulou127]

Is she the first grandchild for your sister? If not, I’d do the same as I do for the other grandchildren if she is then I’d be inclined to do what you’d do if others come along, we’ve got similar and some we see quite often some we never see but they all get a gift - albeit sometimes through gritted teeth, I see it it’s not their fault their parents don’t bring them to visit!

You could also decide to (now there’s a new generation) just buy for them and not their parents x

[Pumpkin Pie]

Give the child a present but not the dad.

[Smilesonfaces]

Every year I buy gifts for children I have never seen ! I always say it is stopping mainly because we don’t even get a thank you but then I go and buy something. As above it isn’t the child’s fault. Much easier to stop buying for the adults and I did this a while ago.

[britishgirl]

I treated my step nephew and nieces when children exactly the same as my biological ones,and now do the same with my step grandchildren,I usually only do small presents for adults
As for visiting we have had a pandemic this year so it has made things difficult for everyone to see other

[Gill H]

I would say be the bigger person and treat her the same as the other children.

[louiseybobs]

My Aunts and uncles don't buy birthday gifts for James, I only would if there was a birthday party you were invited to. Definitely send a card though They mean more than gifts

[pinkbelle]

Can you talk to your sister about it?
My inclination would be to not buy a gift.

We were in a similar situation with my husbands niece a number of years ago now. Her parents were always “too busy” to meet up with us when we were visiting the in-laws, so we probably saw her once a year. Yet we dutifully sent Christmas and Birthday gifts which I chose with care, but never received a Thank you.

I can’t remember the year, but it was the year of “GoGo Hamsters!” I had been on the ball and bought early, before they became the must have toy. We saw her in the New Year and she had her gift with her, and proudly told me, Father Christmas bought it for her as she was so good. She literally had no idea that the gift was from my husband and myself.
That made us realise there is no need to send gifts out of habit. We still “treated” her, but it was/is when we see her rather than being sent to her.

If you think your sister will be upset, I would probably add a token gift, such as a small book to go with the card.

[ClaireNJ]

As you got a gift when she was born I think you should buy a present for her Birthday, something small