Anyone else's child like this?

[Lu Lu]

Originally Posted by Gabsnoot

Is it possible that he is bored in school, are they making an effort to engage him. Could he maybe be gifted/able?

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Oddly I did think this when he was in primary school. I often thought he hated it because he was bored and not challenged. High school is harder though and he just doesn’t want to make the effort. I do think he is very clever but doesn’t show it - maybe that’s because they’re not engaging him. Worth considering, thanks.

[ERICSMUM]

A few things have come to mind (based on similar probs experienced by people I worked with).

Could he have problems hearing, or dyslexia. Any chance he is being bullied, or can’t “break into” established groups to make friends ?

Such a worry at any age but 12 year old boys can be so vulnerable.

I hope things improve soon. xx

[Lu Lu]

Originally Posted by ERICSMUM

A few things have come to mind (based on similar probs experienced by people I worked with).

Could he have problems hearing, or dyslexia. Any chance he is being bullied, or can’t “break into” established groups to make friends ?

Such a worry at any age but 12 year old boys can be so vulnerable.

I hope things improve soon. xx

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Thank you. I’ve not worried about hearing or dyslexia previously. Will do some research there.

He seems to have distanced himself from groups of friends he had going into school and I wondered if something had happened but he says it’s all fine he’s just not friends with some people anymore. A few times he has told us that some of them have been a bit mean but I feel it’s typical behaviour at that age rather than bullying and he has stopped spending time with them. When he does make the effort with other kids he knows they all get along really well. Recently he’s become friendly with someone he plays football with and they go to the park every day after school.

I’m thinking that a chat with the pastoral link teacher at school might be a good idea and a good check in for now.

Thanks everyone.

[Wee_Red]

I think you're making the right move by speaking with pastoral care to get an overall picture of how he is in school (not just academically).

I am not an educational psychologist and going off on tiny pieces here but have a look at ADHD/ADD characteristics and see if anything ticks.

[holidaysaver75]

Originally Posted by Lu Lu

Sounds similar then? My eldest is so different and I try not to compare the two but it’s hard to wonder how it happened when they’ve both been brought up the same (I know it’s not really but we’ve tried our best).

Any tips?

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Sadly at the moment, none. I’ll
Let you know if we find anything!

[Lilpickle08]

Your boy sounds similar to mine tbh, and he's 12 too. Very bright but tends to do the bare minimum at school (yet still gets decent marks, is in top sets etc). His friendship groups have really reduced to the point where he now only has a couple of friends at school - apparently everyone is 'really annoying'.

He spends a lot of time on his Xbox but has no interests in anything else really. He goes to football once a week but I'd say he tolerates it rather than enjoys it. He doesn't play with friends on his Xbox as they all play games he doesn't want to play!

He seems happy enough at home, but I do worry about his friendships etc. But then equally I don't have to worry about him roaming the streets and getting into trouble!

I'd say my son is very highly strung too, very emotional and everything is very black and white. If someone annoys him, he seems to cross them off his friends list very quickly!

Not sure what to suggest tbh as we have similar issues - but you're not alone and hopefully it's just a 12 year old hormonal type phase. I know they do struggle with not yet being a young adult but then not really being a child anymore so they're sort of at that mid way limbo type age!

[Lu Lu]

Originally Posted by Lilpickle08

Your boy sounds similar to mine tbh, and he's 12 too. Very bright but tends to do the bare minimum at school (yet still gets decent marks, is in top sets etc). His friendship groups have really reduced to the point where he now only has a couple of friends at school - apparently everyone is 'really annoying'.

He spends a lot of time on his Xbox but has no interests in anything else really. He goes to football once a week but I'd say he tolerates it rather than enjoys it. He doesn't play with friends on his Xbox as they all play games he doesn't want to play!

He seems happy enough at home, but I do worry about his friendships etc. But then equally I don't have to worry about him roaming the streets and getting into trouble!

I'd say my son is very highly strung too, very emotional and everything is very black and white. If someone annoys him, he seems to cross them off his friends list very quickly!

Not sure what to suggest tbh as we have similar issues - but you're not alone and hopefully it's just a 12 year old hormonal type phase. I know they do struggle with not yet being a young adult but then not really being a child anymore so they're sort of at that mid way limbo type age!

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I could have written that word for word. Thank you for responding. Starting to sound like it's a part of life which is normal but bypassed my first child!

I spoke to his form tutor yesterday who said he's very bright and mature but he has no concerns. It was an OK discussion, although not the one with the pastoral team I had been asking for.

He is actually off school this week with covid so will see how he is when he goes back.

[DisneyDaffodil]

Does he get on with his older brother? Maybe he could chat to him, maybe he’s having worries about puberty, his sexuality, dating or something he wouldn’t feel comfortable discussing with his parents.

I’d be a little worried about bullying as you say he doesn’t have many friends and he’s stopped bothering with his friendship group.

Is he eating ok? Does he have any issues with the way he looks? 12 is the age when children start to notice their appearance and the changes in their body and some can start to have issues with this.

Is it school itself? Does he find work challenging, or maybe not challenging enough? Is he taking part in sports because he feels pressure to, and doesn’t really enjoy it? Or does he enjoy it but feels he’s not good enough?

Of course, it could be all down to hormones, his age, the fact he’s always been a bit moody but it’s worth considering if there’s something causing him to feel particularly bad at the moment. The problem with 12 year olds is that they don’t always talk about how they feel. Keep chatting to him and let him know you’re there if he wants to talk about anything at all. I remember telling our DD that if she didn’t feel comfortable talking to us, then her older brothers (she has brothers 11 and 13 years older than her) and her brother’s fiancée were also there for her if she felt she ever needed them. She and I are very close, so she has always talked to me but I wanted her to know that they were there for her too.

Hope he opens up to you soon or that his hormones settle and he starts to feel happier