My manager apologised!

[Princess Ariel]

Some of you may remember my previous post about being overlooked for a possible promotion opportunity and the subsequent conversation I had with my manager when he encouraged me to look for a promotion elsewhere.
Last week it came to light and he actually admitted that he actively discouraged management from offering a promotion to a mutual friend of ours (who he’s known for about 7 years and got on amazingly well with)...he apologised to her for this and admitted that he did it because he feels intimidated by her and was scared she would do a better job than him!
Cue last night at our works Xmas party...he looked very awkward as my colleagues were praising me and saying I should get a band 6 post because I’m an amazing nurse etc etc...he didn’t know where to put himself. He then followed me outside when I left and said he is my friend and does really rate me as a nurse. I said it didn’t feel like that and relayed the previous conversation we had, he apologised and said he meant I could look elsewhere if it was something I wanted to do (he didn’t say it like that at the time and I think he knows this!) I said I feel like he doesn’t believe me when I say I’m okay and is waiting for me to become unwell again like I was last year...he denied this and said how amazingly well I’ve done this year and he can see that I’ve progressed and am really happy and in a good place. He said he is still struggling to adapt to the manager’s role (I think trying to tell me he’s not as confident as he makes out). I think we’ve definately cleared the air but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust him again which is sad. I think he’s feeling guilty for his behaviour over the past few weeks!

[megaflyer]

Personally I feel it was very unprofessional for anyone and everyone to discuss this matter at a Christmas function.

Discussing your performance is bad enough but to even mention another member of his staff beggars my belief .

I would have cut him short and said this is neither the time or place for such a discussion and certainly would not have engaged.

It puts both of you in a very difficult and precious position if any of it was overheard and repeated back.

[Colette-S]

Originally Posted by megaflyer

Personally I feel it was very unprofessional for anyone and everyone to discuss this matter at a Christmas function.

Discussing your performance is bad enough but to even mention another member of his staff beggars my belief .

I would have cut him short and said this is neither the time or place for such a discussion and certainly would not have engaged.

It puts both of you in a very difficult and precious position if any of it was overheard and repeated back.

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Agree with every word.

[Loopylooloo]

Sounds like he has been feeling bad about his poorly judged conversation with you, and so he should. Good that you were able to clear the air a bit though, and hopefully things will be better going forward. Main thing is you know your worth, and are not willing to be treated less than you deserve.

[Omega1]

All in all, it sounds like this guy is not cut out to manage people.

[Guest]

I think both of you should keep this kind of conversation in the workplace and not the Christmas party where I presume some alcohol was involved.

[Princess Ariel]

Originally Posted by Claudette

I think both of you should keep this kind of conversation in the workplace and not the Christmas party where I presume some alcohol was involved.

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I don’t drink so was sober, he had been drinking though.
The conversation about our mutual friend didn’t take place between me and him...she told me they had a conversation last week and he’d admitted it to her.

[ERICSMUM]

He’s the wrong person for that job. If he wants to stay in it he needs to ask for some people-management training pretty quickly. His own management should not accept his “recommendations” for who should or should not be promoted without compelling evidence such as formal assessment or disciplinary record.

[Tinkerbell]

Originally Posted by Princess Ariel

I don’t drink so was sober, he had been drinking though.
The conversation about our mutual friend didn’t take place between me and him...she told me they had a conversation last week and he’d admitted it to her.

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sorry, drink or no drink as an ex-nurse manager, this is inappropriate and, to be honest, on both sides. If I was his manager I would be livid and I would not, If I was you, had that conversation either. Y ou are both dragging on an issue that should be discussed with HR or another manager, NOt at a works do

[Guest]

Originally Posted by Princess Ariel

I don’t drink so was sober, he had been drinking though.
The conversation about our mutual friend didn’t take place between me and him...she told me they had a conversation last week and he’d admitted it to her.

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So as I said, alcohol was involved. It was not the time or the place. I think, as a manager, he was more at fault, but you too should try to keep these discussions in the work setting.