Divorce

[daytonababe]

Originally Posted by BerkshireBugsy

I question whether this is 100% correct. If the loans are in his sole name then any failed payments against those loans will be recorded on his credit file

But if the payments were taken from a joint account can't the bank approach both of you to recover any bank charges ?

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No , if the loan is in his name then that’s who will be chased for payment .. doesn’t matter what account it comes out of , it’s who’s name is on the loan that matters .

[ROBBOTOO]

Work out what you’re jointly responsible for bill/loan wise. I'd stop direct debits or standing orders from your own account from anything your name is not on.

Contact the companies or council you both have joint commitments payment wise with too and explain you've separated and ask for advice

But please get legal advice.

And please please contact the bank with your joint account to say you've separated.

[Colette-S]

I think this may be getting confusing and unhelpful for vampire. Stay strong over the weekend, always someone to listen but please get advice on Monday morning. Do not agree anything until then and don’t do anything drastic

[maidmarian]

Originally Posted by Colette-S

I think this may be getting confusing and unhelpful for vampire. Stay strong over the weekend, always someone to listen but please get advice on Monday morning. Do not agree anything until then and don’t do anything drastic

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I agree Col, too much info at once, as kind as everyone is it's probably overwhelming for her

[ClaireNJ]

Originally Posted by maidmarian

I agree Col, too much info at once, as kind as everyone is it's probably overwhelming for her

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I’m confused reading it all 🤦
To the OP try & stay calm over the weekend don’t do anything in haste
Start Monday with a clear head
Sending love 💕💕💕xxx

[vampiress88]

Originally Posted by landandword17

So sorry to hear this. I can only echo the advice to speak to a solicitor. This had happened to a few of my friends in recent years and you need a professional to talk you through your entitlements. My friends were all in the same position as yourself - small children and they worked part time or not at all. And in all cases it was the breadwinning spouse (3 of them men and 1 a woman) who decided to end the relationship and thought they could just chuck their ex out and 'disappear them' so they took no financial hit and of course they had no feelings of responsibility or care towards their children's other parent, which is very sad and surely terribly upsetting for children to witness. I must admit I don't understand the mindset at all, considering that those breadwinners were able to prosper in their careers and have a family and not be crippled by childcare costs because the other spouse sacrificed their career. They all decided that they were the victim! And in many of the cases I am familiar with, the breadwinner brought their relatives or their new partner on board to gang up on their ex so this is also something you must protect yourself and the children from and as others have said to you leaving the children in the home and coming over to put them to bed leaves you very vulnerable to a new girlfriend or family member either pushing you out of the house of being there to intimidate you.

I am not at all familiar with your story as I rarely glance at this forum but I do remember your username from a thread on pensions. In that you said your husband was a high earner, had a good pesniona and a salary north of 50K. As such I am reading about these 2! new loans he has taken out recently and wondering what someone with his salary is doing with 2 loans. Something doesn't smell right there at all..and again broken record time..you have to protect yourself and get advise

And finally, woman to woman, I notice that you sound almost apologetic when you mention that you work 16 hours or that you don't fully understand some of the finances. I sense that your self-confidence and self-belief have taken a hit in this marriage. You need to find your mojo again and you need to believe in yourself. You are fully capable of being single and prospering. You are capable of providing for yourself and you are a valuable person who deserves a fair shake for what you contributed to the marriage. Do not help him push you aside and make you feel dumb or unworthy. You deserve so much more than sleeping on the floor of a playroom and being ignored and disrespected in from of your children by an immature (and that's kind) man. This chapter of your life won't be easy but there is much better to come and many of us here believe in you and are rooting for you.

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Thank you
I have a bed in the playroom. It’s the second big bedroom in the house so we always had a bed in there for when the girls want sleepovers when older etc so I’m ok on that.

Only one loan is new.
The first on that’s on my single account is one from 2 years ago. We made lots of overpayments on this so at least it will be cleared quicker.
The second one is new which went on the joint.

Yes he was earning £54000ish before covid. About £49000 now.
We had an agreement to even overpay on his pension as his was matched better with his employer and mine was one of those that were more like savings accounts not a company one.
He should be worried about his pension. There is a lot in there. No way would he have been able to do so much had we not have put in so much or had I not been there for the kids and he could work like he does. All my life has to revolve around his as he is the main earner. Around his shifts and having to change mine

I’m just so cross. 16 f in years he’s been my everything. I’ve not gone any time in those years without talking to him. We’ve never spent more than a night apart while both in the house. He’s been my best friend.
He’s not all that bad. I wish it hadn’t come to this. I’ll always love him.
I really wish I didn’t love him then this would be easier I think.

[DisneyDaffodil]

Originally Posted by Colette-S

I think this may be getting confusing and unhelpful for vampire. Stay strong over the weekend, always someone to listen but please get advice on Monday morning. Do not agree anything until then and don’t do anything drastic

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I agree, Vampiress must be feeling very upset and distraught and shocked at the moment. She’s not going to take in all the information

Possibly a good start would be to contact CAB and see if she can get an advisor to go through her options one by one. It may be useful if she takes a friend or family member who may be able to think straight and retain the information too.

Our local CAB office is trialling a new system where a client gets a dedicated advisor who would help them with advice on divorce, finances, benefits, debt, child support etc It sounds as if it would be a good start if Vampiress’s local CAB office had a similar system as the advisor would be able to gain her trust and support her. Obviously she would need to see a solicitor for the legal side of the divorce too.

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through this Vampiress, life must feel impossible at the moment and it is going to be a hard few months for you. But you have your beautiful girls and you will get through this and out the other side eventually and there is help there to get you through it. We’re always here to chat too when you feel low xx

[Blue nose]

Originally Posted by vampiress88

Thank you
I have a bed in the playroom. It’s the second big bedroom in the house so we always had a bed in there for when the girls want sleepovers when older etc so I’m ok on that.

Only one loan is new.
The first on that’s on my single account is one from 2 years ago. We made lots of overpayments on this so at least it will be cleared quicker.
The second one is new which went on the joint.

Yes he was earning £54000ish before covid. About £49000 now.
We had an agreement to even overpay on his pension as his was matched better with his employer and mine was one of those that were more like savings accounts not a company one.
He should be worried about his pension. There is a lot in there. No way would he have been able to do so much had we not have put in so much or had I not been there for the kids and he could work like he does. All my life has to revolve around his as he is the main earner. Around his shifts and having to change mine

I’m just so cross. 16 f in years he’s been my everything. I’ve not gone any time in those years without talking to him. We’ve never spent more than a night apart while both in the house. He’s been my best friend.
He’s not all that bad. I wish it hadn’t come to this. I’ll always love him.
I really wish I didn’t love him then this would be easier I think.

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It's hard when any marriage breaks down. Hopefully you'll not try and hurt each other and with time be able to agree things like houses, kids etc. But just now it's hard. Get some rest if you can and speak to a solicitor on Monday.

People say divorce is like a bereavement so please take time for yourself and realise whatever you're feeling is ok. You will be ok at the other side. You'll get though this, it just takes time.

We're all here for you. X

[Eeyore14]

I’ve just been reading a few comments, please don’t pay him anything until you have had legal advice. It sounds as if he already has. I’ve been there 30 years ago, you will get through this, sending you a hug.

[outofdate]

Please just try and spend time with your girls, they are, and will always be a good thing to come
out of your marriage and they need you now more than ever. Try and do as little as possible in terms of sorting things out, that can all wait. When your life is turned upside down in a way we don’t want it is a bereavement, like another poster said. You have lost something you treasure and try and care of yourself and your girls. Good luck