Teenage Son

[Minnie18]

Originally Posted by coggie

I think this is understandable and personally I think some of the replies you have had on here have been to say the least very harsh...none of us, no matter what we think are perfect parents, will all make mistakes in our parenting at some stage.

I'm not sure I can offer any real advice on how to improve/change things but for the sake of your son and his future he needs to change his attitude...I don't know how you go about doing that but I really hope for all of you it gets sorted

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Thank you very much 😊

[Gally1968]

I’m obviously missing some of the replies? Because that is rather harsh!
My two are 23 (yesterday) & 18 (next month) don’t pay rent (I don’t need or want it) or helpmaround the house!

Isn’t 18/19/20 the age where ‘the majority’ of teenagers live for free at home when they decide who they are going to become?[/QUOTE]

Firstly let me state that it’s not my place to tell any family how they should live their lives, I can only give my view which is not necessarily correct.

In my view to have kids of 23 & 18 (unless in full time education & not able to combine this with work) and not take some form of board off them is not doing them any favours at all. It’s irrelevant if you don’t need/want the £’s (put it into a savings account for them as we do). It’s about them realising that life isn’t a free ride, everything has a cost.

Re not helping around the house, again I find this astonishing. Is it too much to get them to clean their room, do dishes, hoover?

I’m 51 and still don’t know what I want to do with my life, but I don’t get a free ride in the meantime.

[BarryandCaron]

Originally Posted by Minnie18

Bit harsh but I appreciate your point of view. The reason I over spoil my kids is becouse I had a horrendous non childhood.

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I can understand this. I wanted for our boys to have a much better childhood than I did. My memorable childhood memory is being sent to bed really early when my friends were still allowed to play outside.

[Minnie18]

Originally Posted by BarryandCaron

I can understand this. I wanted for our boys to have a much better childhood than I did. My memorable childhood memory is being sent to bed really early when my friends were still allowed to play outside.

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Snap I have the same memories.

[anneeb]

I'm glad that you got a couple of days away, hopefully it would have helped you to feel more capable of sorting out the problems with your son. Perhaps writing down how much household costs are, include gas and electricity in this. I would stop doing his laundry and meals if there isn't a change in his attitude. I know of someone that was going to put a lock on their fridge.
As for your son, I think that his idea of what he should be doing is a long way from what he actually should be doing. I left school at 16 years old and started work, I was the same as my brothers and was expected to give my pay up at the end of the week, I then got back whatever was left. I never thought to question it as that was what my brothers did. I remember getting a cost of living rise and having to give that up as well. I don't understand people who refuse to take money from their children, surely it will help them to understand that things in this life cost money. You can always put it into saving for them.

[BarryandCaron]

Originally Posted by Minnie18

Snap I have the same memories.

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Didn’t want to ‘like’ but know what you mean

[Minnie18]

Originally Posted by BarryandCaron

Didn’t want to ‘like’ but know what you mean

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Yeah I do, hope your ok 💖

[dreamadream]

Our son has just left school. I have already told him that once he gets a job In the summer onwards we wont want housekeeping BUT he will put 25% away into savings and he will be classed as an adult which means he will be doing equal housekeeping and pet/sister sitting, no exceptions.
I really hope he follows this but expect bumps alog the road!

[Loopylooloo]

Minnie, you haven’t got into this situation by being a bad parent, I think most of us are guilty of over indulging our children at times, its a sign of how much we love them, as you say, we want to give them everything. I found it very hard reading that you had a bad childhood, and that you were homeless when you had your son, I think you should be proud of how far you have come, and also despite a lot of people being quite harsh on here, you have stayed calm and replied politely to everyone. Its really hard being a parent especially when our kids are rude, or lazy, they all go through funny stages at times, and we just have to learn as we go. I am pleased you got away for a break yay!
Sometimes just venting on here helps too. Take care x