What would you do, if anything?

[BnDamo]

Just a thought but maybe, he took the underwear because they were “Calvin Klein” there can be a lot of pressure at school over what kids wear. This possibly may also explain the ripped vest. When my son was at school ( now in his early 30’s) he wasn’t so bothered about brands or labels but many of his friends were. There were also certain things you did or did not wear and I remember then it was a “vest” if it was cold it was apparently ok to wear a normal t shirt under the school shirt but a proper “vest” would have led to relentless micky taking ( possibly even bullying).

[Floridatilly]

My son is 14 and only wears CK boxers, so do all his mates. Your grandson might not want to ask for them as they are expensive and private. I check my son’s underwear and buy new when needed because he would not ask at that age.
Its also a difficult age for boys, their bodies are changing, voice is changing, they are getting urges and it can all be very confusing for them. He is also away from his dad so this will be an even more difficult time.
He will obviously be aware that you hid the underwear so now the whole subject might feel weird for him. Maybe buy him son and just put them in his underwear draw.

[mitch84]

When you say a vest? What do you mean, a sleeveless t-shirt or an old fashioned vest? I’m 36 and teenage boys didn’t wear vests at 14 then, never mind now I don’t think, I think if it was very cold occasionally my brothers would wear a t-shirt under their school shirt.
I really feel for the lad. He’s 14 which is such a difficult age and he lives with neither parent.
Now the shops are open can’t he go shopping by himself to get what he needs?

[Floridatilly]

Originally Posted by mitch84

When you say a vest? What do you mean, a sleeveless t-shirt or an old fashioned vest? I’m 36 and teenage boys didn’t wear vests at 14 then, never mind now I don’t think, I think if it was very cold occasionally my brothers would wear a t-shirt under their school shirt.
I really feel for the lad. He’s 14 which is such a difficult age and he lives with neither parent.
Now the shops are open can’t he go shopping by himself to get what he needs?

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I do agree. A vest at 14 is a no no unless its a pj top or something?

Does he have someone he could go shopping with? Mates, cousins etc?
Both my older children say my husband and I are so old fashioned and have no idea whats ‘in’ so they like to choose their own clothes, usually sending me links.
I do remember thinking the same at that age about my mum too.
So its not a personal insult, anyone over 30 is old and past it when you are 14.

Is everything ok at school? Kids can be cruel if someone doesn’t wear the right things (terrible, I know but unfortunately true). How does he feel about being away from his dad? Is mum on the scene?
He could be suffering in silence, I could not imagine not living with my parents at 14, I would be deeply devastated and disturbed. So would my children.
Please don’t feel you need to answer these questions but just some things for you to consider.
You are obviously a wonderful grandparent to take him in x x

[daytonababe]

Maybe he feels uncomfortable asking you for branded underwear? You say you don't really know him so maybe its something he feels he cant ask about?

My son is 18 now but for years has worn branded underwear, its not something we've ever really spoke about I've just bought it, TKMAXX has some really good deals, maybe you could get him some for Christmas.

My son never worn a vest since he was very young, would be a huge no no at Secondary school,


It sounds tough for him he's 14 mum doesn't seem to be around, dad is 1000's miles away and he finds it hard to talk to his grandparents, does he have a older cousin that could maybe take him under his wing?

I wouldn't say not sticking at a sport or hobby is strange either, I bet if you asked a group of kids, over half would have given up and moved onto something else .. Its just what some do.

[Guest]

Why can't he look through his Dad's clothes? I don't understand why you're so offended he didn't ask.

[LexiBantam]

I agree with the previous posts. My son is 15, and it’s not an easy age. Your DGS’s dad has left him with you, but after two years you feel you don’t know him. You don’t mention Mum. I’d imagine he feels quite alone. This is by no means a criticism of you, it’s just a very difficult situation. I would definitely not mention his dad’s undies to him - whatever your feelings about him going through drawers, there are bigger issues. Either buy him some of the same brand, or give him some cash and send him off shopping. If you’re nervous about him being off on his own, do you have any shopping centers that you could take him to, where you could have a coffee, close-ish? As previous posts have said, a vest at 14 is a big no no, but as he’s a polite and thoughtful young man, he has looked for a way of doing without the vest that doesn’t upset you. You say things may change in February- hopefully you can go back to granny role then, and not have to worry about pants anymore xx

[7SeasSailor]

Would his Dad complain if he knew that his son was going through the old clothes that he had left behind? I don't see the problem in that.

[Vinniecat]

I would buy him some new boxers and also give him a budget to choose some new clothes for himself. You say you feel like you don’t really know him, maybe he feels like that with you so doesn’t like to ask for things. How do you think he is doing emotionally? It must have an impact on him being left with grandparents for long stints and not really knowing when he will go back to his dad. My daughter’s friend has a son who is looked after by grandma (very well may I add). He sees mum once a week, he is only 9 so younger but it has had an effect on his confidence. I wonder if your grandson is suppressing his emotions and taking his dad’s boxers is like a comfort blanket type of thing. Maybe I have read too much into this post especially as things don’t always come across the right way in writing. But I read it and felt really sorry for him. I hope I don’t sound like I am criticising because I think it is wonderful that you are taking care of him. Also it might just be that his own boxers aren’t trendy enough, everything seems to need a label these days.

[Floridatilly]

Hi. I have actually been thinking of your grandson today. I hope he is ok, it is definitely an hard age to be separated from your parent/parents. As much as you are there for him it will still be a difficult time for him.