Feeling a bit sorry for myself

[stormflm595]

I'm not sure why I'm writing this to be honest as I don't really need any advice, just having a bit of a downer. I find it very hard to open up to the people in my life and hard to speak my feelings out aloud. I find the dibb a safe space for me to talk without judgment and a place for me to vent out my frustrations in a safe environment.

Last year was one of the worst years of my life. I lost a baby in 2016 and developed severe depression and anxiety afterwards. It all came to head January 2018 when my ex couldn't handle it anymore and ended things. In one fell swoop I lost him, my home, my dignity, most of my money that had gone into savings, I almost lost my job and pretty much my mind. From then until around last Summer I pretty much had a mental breakdown which almost ended in me taking my life.

During this time, I was extremely vulnerable and did not want to be alone. I started getting close to a guy at work who reciprocated my feelings and we began to date. Of course, this was way too soon for me and I was completely out of character in my interactions and not myself (mid breakdown at this point) - the girl he dated was not the girl I am. He decided it didn't click for him and he broke it off to remain friends. It was a kick in the teeth but looking back he did the best thing for me. I needed to be by myself, get better, learn to love myself again and to figure out where I wanted my life to go now that a whole new future had opened up.

Since then I have been doing great. I have a new job, a new flat, a new car, I've been to Santorini, florida and I am going back to florida next summer. Exciting times! Even though I have achieved a lot I still struggle. I am likely going to be on medication for the rest of my life and through my struggles I have developed social anxiety.

I have always been a late bloomer, and now that my close friends and friends at work are settling down, getting married, having babies I am really lonely. I would love to find someone but with my anxieties, getting out and about to meet people is very difficult. I am also dependent on routine; I wake up, get ready, drive myself to work, finish at half 5 and go home, cook a meal, watch a bit of TV and then bed for about 10pm. If my routine gets knocked out it takes me a few days to pick myself back up. Routine is extremely important to maintain my mental health so going out of it makes me worry that I will slip again which gives me even more anxiety about pushing myself.

Today I plucked up the courage to talk to the guy at work I dated for a bit last year. Because he has this whole misconception of me from last year and thinks that is who I am he made it clear he just wanted to be friends and now I am really upset. Its silly I know, but I feel that with everything I have gone through and the mental health I now cope with on a day to day basis will hinder me in finding love again, and I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

[Blue nose]

Aw bless you, sounds like you've had a really tough time but well done on getting through it.

It's easy to say, but forget the guy at work. Learn to like/ love yourself.

Have you thought about a nightschool course? That might get you out socially without having to try and make new friends. If may help with your confidence and maybe not impact your routine too much.

You're doing great. Keep it up x

[Rockycat]

I don’t have any real advice but didn’t want to read and not say anything.
You sound like a lovely person who has gone through some really hard times. It can be so difficult when you are suffering from anxiety and depression and you are right routine does help but it can feel lonely.
You will meet someone lovely who understands you one day but being content with yourself is much more important.
The best thing you can do is be kind to yourself, you did something really brave today, speaking to the guy at work so you should be proud of yourself, being friends is fine and over time he will realise that he only knows a very small part of you, if nothing else you will still have him as a friend.
I know none of this helps really but just know you are not alone x

[MrsArcher2b]

I'm sorry for your loss. You've definitely had it rough but you should be proud of pulling yourself up again.

Keep looking after yourself and when the time is right you'll meet someone who deserves you.

I met my DH online dating after being sure that love was over for me.

Also, it's ok if you are on medication for the rest of your life and it's ok if you're not. Mental illness is still illness. Don't be ashamed. I know several people closely in this situation and they need their meds to be themselves. Without them they suffer.

Big hugs xx

[jas72]

Originally Posted by stormflm595

. If my routine gets knocked out it takes me a few days to pick myself back up. Routine is extremely important to maintain my mental health so going out of it makes me worry that I will slip again which gives me even more anxiety about pushing myself.

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From your long post you won't be alone for ever you sound like everyone else and has the same fears and trepidations as everyone else, the only difference between you and everyone else is that you have written it down in a forum.

I am terrible at advice but I always look first at my achievements and the things I am proud of. Look at yourself look at your achievements and self worth and believe that others will also see these achievements and self worth in you. From your story I find it very hard to envisage a life alone for you.

[pinkspideruk]

you could try online dating i know a few people who have met their so's via pof and even a couple who got together and stayed together off tinder

I was very lonely a couple of years ago, I started a new sport it was terrifying and it wasnt easy (I went 3 times before i got the courage to leave the car!) but i now have a core group of people who have become some f my closest friends, and being around people who are at all different stages of life -coupled, coupled with kids and without, single etc it kinda makes me feel like im not not normal

[whlparkstone]

OMG it sounds like you have been through so much. Firstly you should be really proud of yourself. It sounds like you are a true fighter and are determined to try and make some positive changes in your life.

I can only speak about the social anxiety aspect of your life, as I too suffer from this. I also have some form of OCD and I crave the routine in my life. Honestly, the best thing that ever happened to me
with regards to the social anxiety was learning to exercise. I found the gym, hired a personal trainer who taught me how to exercise. The gym is my social life in the sense that I am out of the house, in a room full of people, but yet I don’t have to communicate with them... ideal! There are a couple of people who I make small talk with, but the rest of the time I am content in sticking my headphones in and getting on with it. The weight loss that has come from this has also helped in my self confidence.

Do you think you could maybe try something like this? Sounds like a hobby of some sorts would be beneficial?

[Universal VR]

I’ve no constructive advice but just wanted to let you know you are not alone. You’ve come a long way and I wish you well.

[stormflm595]

Thank you everyone nice to get it out, I find it very hard to explain how I'm feeling out loud so I find it really helpful to write it down!

[Vinniecat]

Wishing you all the best just take one day at a time, things can and will improve.