Do any of you sometimes regret

[Guest]

to be honest, the way my kids talk to me and their teachers, disrespect me, my home, my guests, I'm not sure they deserve a holiday?

I really feel that way!


My eldest is 4 years off officially being able to leave school, he will never be able to either get a job or maintain a job and academically he is a bright lad, top 1% nationally, I feel at the moment that time is precious and I have to do something, now, for him, for his future, for my younger childs future, because his older brother is his example too.
I just don't know the answer, because I have exhausted all of the textbook routes.

[Guest]

I have 2 boys with special needs and often wonder about the future.
My eldest will be OK and will be able to live independantly.
But my 15 yr old is a different matter. He will always need assistance whether it's from us or sheltered accomodation.
He has a very low IQ and has the reading and writing ability of a small child.
We adopted the boys when they were 3 and 5. I was 33 and had enjoyed ALOT of freeedom, travelling, lots of friends and a great social life. good job with a healthy income between us.
I was the last person you would expect have kids, let alone adopt special needs kids.
No, I don't regret having them, they are my and DH's world and we could not love them anymore than if they were our natural kids. but what does get me angry and bitter is that their disabilities were avoidable and brought on by neglect, cruelty and very bad judgement. We are the ones left picking up the pieces. I mourn for the life my younger son may not have an opportunity to experience.He is a child and will remain a child.
We are very lucky because our kids don't have anger issues or behaviour problems and I can't imagine how awful that must be at times.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by smethwickgg102

I think that the vast, vast majority of parents feel that they are not up to the job on many occasions whilst children are growing up. I can remember feeling awful about being a parent and feeling that I had given up my life in order to have my daughter at times. I can also remember times where I was in complete dread of going on holiday because it meant I would have to spend all day, every day with her for two weeks. I can also remember times where I seemed to be knotted up inside just with the stress and anxiety of looking after her and dealing with her even though she has no 'special needs' or difficulties. It seems like a completely awful thing to say but, at the time, it was truly how I felt.

I have to say now, DD has grown up and mellowed and I have moved away from those feelings and also mellowed. Now she is a bit older and I have a bit more freedom from her and she has a bit more independence and a bit less temper.

I guess what I am saying is that you're not alone in feeling the way that you do and, as with most things related to children, these things do pass. That is not to belittle what you feel (and I don't know the ages of your children or any issues that you may particularly be facing with them) but hang on in there because just as you think there isn't a light at the end of the tunnel, things change and evolve and are hopefully not as challenging.

Other than that, get whatever support you can - if there are particular behavioural issues can someone at your child's school help? Is there anyone other than your doctor who you could get support from? Is there an opportunity for you to have time away from the children to do something for yourself? Do your children need support that they can get elsewhere - my daughter had some counselling which helped but is also heavily involved in sport and this has given her a purpose and drive as well as discipline (and time for me to drop her off and have an hour to myself) ...

Please try to stay positive as I am sure that you are doing a great job.

Dee

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thanks Dee, your post gave me a bit of hope when I read it, I feel exactly like you did. I just don't see light because I don't see an opportunity of independence one day, not at the minute anyway, but I hope it may change.

I am a bit out on a limb really and have no support, but school are in the process of organising a crisis meeting so that will help on the school front. the ASD team are going to try to get some anger management help (it will be another workbook probably that will not help, but a box is ticked!)

On the home front, we got a little help from social services back in 2005 when my youngest was at risk.

[CMFewkesHarrie]

Sorry, don' know what problems your children have but you need to get some help. Are social services involved, do you have a social worker? If not then go back to your docs and tell him that you can not cope. You all as a family are suffering. Is there a support group you can get in touch with, if not locally, at least by phone. It can help to speak to someone who is not so close to you and may know of what help is available.
I know from experience that it feels as if you are the only one and that you are banging your head against a brick wall. My eldest DD, now 31' has mild learning difficulties and mental health problems. As she went through adolescence it was very hard. We tried family therapy, etc and in the end when she was 15, I threatened to put her into care as I couldn't see anyway out of the situation. She was referred to a psychiatrist and had one on one therapy which did help a bit. Unfortunately for us, she was eventually ( after a lot of hospital admissions ove the years ) as suffering from paranoid schizophrenia and can not live independently .

But please get help. Both for your sake and your family. Go back to the docs and demand they do something.

I really feel your pain and know how you are feeling
Get th

[Bouncing Tigger]

All will be forgotten when you're on your hols, the break will do you a world of good xxx

[Guest]

Originally Posted by Popsickle

All will be forgotten when you're on your hols, the break will do you a world of good xxx

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Sadly not always true or as easy.

Ruth do you have someone you can talk to. I am lucky to have some good friends to turn to. They have all lived with similar issues.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by SKIPPY ROO

I have 2 boys with special needs and often wonder about the future.
My eldest will be OK and will be able to live independantly.
But my 15 yr old is a different matter. He will always need assistance whether it's from us or sheltered accomodation.
He has a very low IQ and has the reading and writing ability of a small child.
We adopted the boys when they were 3 and 5. I was 33 and had enjoyed ALOT of freeedom, travelling, lots of friends and a great social life. good job with a healthy income between us.
I was the last person you would expect have kids, let alone adopt special needs kids.
No, I don't regret having them, they are my and DH's world and we could not love them anymore than if they were our natural kids. but what does get me angry and bitter is that their disabilities were avoidable and brought on by neglect, cruelty and very bad judgement. We are the ones left picking up the pieces. I mourn for the life my younger son may not have an opportunity to experience.He is a child and will remain a child.
We are very lucky because our kids don't have anger issues or behaviour problems and I can't imagine how awful that must be at times.

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I completley understand you here. I also fear for my daughter if I am no longer around.

[Lisa-72]

If the job as a parent was advertised with all the tasks involved and the stress it causes no one would apply.
My 2 get me down, there are many days I want to walk away and not come back.
I love them but there are days I just dont like them at all.
Then I get a phone call at work, my first of the day from a distraught parent, his daughter died yesterday she no longer needs her medical equipment, she was the same age as my DD, just 8 years old, thats my reality check.
Hope things get better for you all.

[ncmurray]

Oh my, I really feel your pain, and I am in tears reading your post.

I don't have any practical advice to offer, as I am sure you have heard it all before, and you know how you are supposed to feel, but that doesn't help at all.

Sometimes, I feel that parents of special needs children live in another universe. Society really doesn't understand or respect what they go through, and what their daily routine is, and what heartbreak they suffer.

You are doing a great job, but it is only natural that there will be times when you feel defeated. I really don't want to sound trite, but it will get better again.

It makes me SO angry that families like yours need to fight so hard to get support from the state.

Chin up, Mcplod. Tomorrow is another day, and it can only get better from here. If you were here I would hug you SO hard.

[Guest]

Originally Posted by mainecoon lover

I completley understand you here. I also fear for my daughter if I am no longer around.

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Oh God yes, that's something that crosses my mind too often.
I got so upset and stressed when I heard the story of how that man with special needs was taunted so much by youths and he had a fatal heart attack. I just cried and cried because I just imagined my Gary at his age and me not being here to do anything to protect him.
I'm very scared for the future