Why do people think they know how it feels

[mummypig]

Originally Posted by mainecoon lover

I am sorry but I do not have a chip on my shoulder, which I find offensive. Just fed up with people thinking they know how us parents feel when really they do not, like I do not know how you feel. Was not aimed at me in particular. People never know how guilty us parents feel, could we have done this to change things, should we have done that. The list goes on. Just because someone works with someone with a disability will never let them know how a parent feels. The saying walk a mile in my shoes, which I hope no parent has to.

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No offence was intended and I'm sorry that i made you feel that way.

[Lisa123wm]

Oh that thread! Now I understand.

I was involved in that thread last night, and was glad when it was finally closed. I can not believe how downright opinionated and rude some people can be (at the risk of being called childish again tut!).

I didn't like the way people were being called mad etc, and that they should be prosecuted if they didn't vaccinate. Who are they to tell others what to do?

[BevS97]

Ah, I should have realised. I didn't read that one, because like so many parenting threads, they only ever go one way, (and I was sitting in an airport so not going to get embroiled)

[Guest]

Originally Posted by mummypig

No offence was intended and I'm sorry that i made you feel that way.

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Thanks Hun.


I think my thread has not really gotten across how I intended and for that I am sorry, and why I did not want to mention that thread .

My real dig is not the MMR and yes we are all entitled to our own opinion, but as with many threads it's the way something's are posted and how we read them. My dig was more to do with people that say they work with special needs and assume they know how us parents feel or should be feeling or letting go of something.

We all look for why something happened and I can hold my hands up to that. I had solicitors look into why Beth is the way she is but nothing came back. On researching further it was obvious there was something genetic as Beth is one of 7 over many many years with her disabilities. yes some parents blame the MMR but let's not knock parents for thinking that or not going on to have MMR for any children they have after their autistic child.

[Guest]

i saw that thread never commented on it its personal choice and who is anyone to say wether its right or wrong to have it or not to have it entirely up to the parent i had 2 kids before i had a autistic child all of them had mmr dont think its down to the mmr dont get me wrong i did think why me someone up there is testing me when i knew there was something wrong with my lad but it wouldnt stop me having the mmr again on another chld not that im having any more my baby days are well over

[Lisa123wm]

Originally Posted by mainecoon lover

We all look for why something happened and I can hold my hands up to that. I had solicitors look into why Beth is the way she is but nothing came back. On researching further it was obvious there was something genetic as Beth is one of 7 over many many years with her disabilities. yes some parents blame the MMR but let's not knock parents for thinking that or not going on to have MMR for any children they have after their autistic child.

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Totally agree!

[WickedPlans]

Originally Posted by mcplod

So would it be better if no-one offered to help and just walked on? Sometimes people are a bit Mr Bean ish in their approach but the intention is still to try to help, in the example you gave someone is offering an alternative way which might assist you with reading a label, that has to be better than not saying or doing anything at all, surely No-one is perfect

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An offer of help would be fine.
Telling me I need to get my eyes tested or should wear glasses is rude. When I am going about my daily life, I don't need someone else to give me their opinion of me!

Originally Posted by mazz

i know one thing Michelle, you do a marvelous job and you probably haven't been told lately honey so i'm going to remind you ~ you are great mum and looking at all the pics we see of Beth's beautiful smiley face you are obvioulsy doing a fantastic job

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I know that when I have dealt with autistic meltdowns and other people have compared them to toddler tantrums and given advice on what I should do (when no advice has been sought), that drives me nuts!

The thing about offering help or even just talking is, Starting with the following is generally ok:
Is there anything I can do to help?
Do you need any assistance?
Would it help if I...

Starting with the following is NOT ok:
You should try...
You should be grateful...
You poor thing
You shouldn't do...
You shouldn't feel...
Why don't you just...
It could have been worse...
I know you you feel (when you really don't)

[Anne K]

Just remembered:

I tried to explain DS' medical diet to a colleague (it is very strict: he cannot consume protein), it's not something we do through choice, it is a necessity to keep him alive. Her response: "I know what that's like - my sister is a fussy eater too"

[Guest]

there's this woman I chat to when picking up our youngest DS from school, her eldest child goes to the same school as our eldest and sometimes she makes my blood boil! Examples of the things she has said "I can't understand why you're DS gets all the attention and support at school, he looks normal to me" another time I was chatting to her about the OT that our DS has at school and how school are integrating him back into PE in September to which she replied "well my **** isn't very good at sport or football, I think that all our kids have difficulties with what school expects of them". Clearly if she was in education our DS wouldn't stand a chance of having support or a statement!

[angelbaby29871]

Originally Posted by Lisa123wm

Oh that thread! Now I understand.

I was involved in that thread last night, and was glad when it was finally closed. I can not believe how downright opinionated and rude some people can be (at the risk of being called childish again tut!).

I didn't like the way people were being called mad etc, and that they should be prosecuted if they didn't vaccinate. Who are they to tell others what to do?

See more...

I posted there as well and was quite shocked at the opinions of some. The rudeness from some was over the top. To call some parents as being neglectful of their child was very rude. Parents do what they think is right for their child and we all try to do what is right for our child all the time even when all we want to do sometimes is just rest but that is just not possible sometimes. An offer of help is sometimes better received than an ill thought out opinion. As the old saying goes opinions are like a@@@@@@@s we all have one but we don't need to flash it about.