autism and anger

**mandco** · 11 Mar 19, 12:48 PM

My ds is autistic and has always had anger issues but lately it seems to be getting worse and he seems to be angry all all the time. I do think a lot of it is stemming from school which is always an issue for us but they are currently prepping for sats so its constant testing - he can't cope with getting things wrong or losing and there have been a lot of changes to their usual routine which he finds stressful.

The slightest thing seems to set him off and he has violent destructive meltdowns where he lashes out kicking/punching/ swearing or he smashes things, throws things, slams doors
None of the usual things seem to be helping and I'm at a loss as to what else I can try to help him deal with how he feels in a more constructive way.

anger is one of the few emotions he can actually identify so he knows that is what he feels and I always do the I Know your angry because xyz happened and its ok to get angry but its not ok to kick punch ect because you're angry.

duchy · 11 Mar 19, 10:49 PM

I found acknowledging he had reason to be upset but calmly and consistently reacting was the only thing that calmed him quicker. It's hard but works. As an adult any angry outbursts are now just verbal and he never gets physical with either things or people.
Hang on in there xx

nadya · 11 Mar 19, 11:13 PM

My ds13 has these issues too,(and ds7 to an extent too)and tbh some days are better than others,we do as duchy suggests (as I'm sure you do too) and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't!.I think some of it is hormonal.We are having issues with his school too.Wish I could offer more than empathy, we keep trying different things as he gets older as sometimes a new thing can help.For instance he is very 'sensory' and so we found certain smells help him relax,he enjoys having a stress toy etc,but every child is different!.
We are finding that his lack of sleep has a massive effect and unfortunately some days he barely sleeps ,also if he is hungry this affects his mood badly too,he is very specific with foods and lately will refuse just about everything!.Hope things improve for you soon

**mandco** · 14 Mar 19, 09:11 PM

thanks for the replies

He not sleeping very well not that he ever does but its worse than usual and that is probably having a knock on effect as I know I'm knackered and more grumpy than usual too. School aren't helping as he usually manages to keep it all in at school and then meltdowns at home so they don't often see him acting out and feel that he's coping ok because he is not disruptive at school like most of the other autistic children they have

Lilly3580 · 14 Mar 19, 09:30 PM

He's lashing out where he feels safe at home and it sounds like you're doing everything you can to help him calm down and also understand that lashing out isn't acceptable.
He'll be picking up on the stress that SATs seems to cause for most children and doesn't know how to react.
We had to change tactics with our DS (21) as coping strategys just stopped being effective. Rewards worked well for a time but you may have tried that.
Hang on in there, it will improve and he's got hormones starting to kick in.

nadya · 14 Mar 19, 09:41 PM

Originally Posted by mandco

thanks for the replies

He not sleeping very well not that he ever does but its worse than usual and that is probably having a knock on effect as I know I'm knackered and more grumpy than usual too. School aren't helping as he usually manages to keep it all in at school and then meltdowns at home so they don't often see him acting out and feel that he's coping ok because he is not disruptive at school like most of the other autistic children they have

Yes ds13 does this too,holds it all in then let's rip at home so school don't see the problem!

TC Devon · 14 Mar 19, 10:04 PM

Originally Posted by Lilly3580

He's lashing out where he feels safe at home and it sounds like you're doing everything you can to help him calm down and also understand that lashing out isn't acceptable.
He'll be picking up on the stress that SATs seems to cause for most children and doesn't know how to react.
We had to change tactics with our DS (21) as coping strategys just stopped being effective. Rewards worked well for a time but you may have tried that.
Hang on in there, it will improve and he's got hormones starting to kick in.

Sounds like my daughter. I sneakily videoed my daughter and showed them.
If the SATs are too much can you withdraw him from them although that�s not going to stop the huge revision build up and change to class routine.

11 Mar 19, 12:48 PM	#1
	11 Mar 19, 12:48 PM mandco VIP Dibber ✓Premium Member
mandco VIP Dibber Join Date: Mar 08	autism and anger My ds is autistic and has always had anger issues but lately it seems to be getting worse and he seems to be angry all all the time. I do think a lot of it is stemming from school which is always an issue for us but they are currently prepping for sats so its constant testing - he can't cope with getting things wrong or losing and there have been a lot of changes to their usual routine which he finds stressful. The slightest thing seems to set him off and he has violent destructive meltdowns where he lashes out kicking/punching/ swearing or he smashes things, throws things, slams doors None of the usual things seem to be helping and I'm at a loss as to what else I can try to help him deal with how he feels in a more constructive way. anger is one of the few emotions he can actually identify so he knows that is what he feels and I always do the I Know your angry because xyz happened and its ok to get angry but its not ok to kick punch ect because you're angry.

11 Mar 19, 10:49 PM	#2
	11 Mar 19, 10:49 PM duchy Imagineer
duchy Imagineer Join Date: May 04 Location: Kent	I found acknowledging he had reason to be upset but calmly and consistently reacting was the only thing that calmed him quicker. It's hard but works. As an adult any angry outbursts are now just verbal and he never gets physical with either things or people. Hang on in there xx

14 Mar 19, 09:11 PM	#4
	14 Mar 19, 09:11 PM mandco VIP Dibber Thread Starter ✓Premium Member
mandco Thread Starter VIP Dibber Join Date: Mar 08	thanks for the replies He not sleeping very well not that he ever does but its worse than usual and that is probably having a knock on effect as I know I'm knackered and more grumpy than usual too. School aren't helping as he usually manages to keep it all in at school and then meltdowns at home so they don't often see him acting out and feel that he's coping ok because he is not disruptive at school like most of the other autistic children they have

14 Mar 19, 09:30 PM	#5
	14 Mar 19, 09:30 PM Lilly3580 Excited about Disney
Lilly3580 Excited about Disney Join Date: Apr 16	He's lashing out where he feels safe at home and it sounds like you're doing everything you can to help him calm down and also understand that lashing out isn't acceptable. He'll be picking up on the stress that SATs seems to cause for most children and doesn't know how to react. We had to change tactics with our DS (21) as coping strategys just stopped being effective. Rewards worked well for a time but you may have tried that. Hang on in there, it will improve and he's got hormones starting to kick in.