Hoarding - UPDATED

[Lola]

DH would be like that if we had the room. We still have his late mother’s broken tv, old handbags, lamps that don’t work. Also any of our items that don’t work anymore, microwaves etc

[duchy]

Originally Posted by TheDisneyCouple

Hi Duchy, Sadly moving out is not an option, as they require us to support them and we cannot pay our bills and theirs. My Dad was made redundant and we gave up our home to support them financially. After that, his health spiralled. So we have to live here for now. Sadly, there's nowhere to put what few belongings we have.

Funnily enough, my mum is not strictly-speaking untidy. Everything has a bag or a box and the house is full of storage solutions. They're just packed to bursting and there's no more room.

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Could a small budget be found to put some of it into storage for 6 months

[sully301]

True hoarding is a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. Judging by how upset your Mum became I would guess this was the case. What you see as silly things or clutter are really important to her. She needs professional help. If the issue is forced without this then it will just happen again. If she doesn't want to change then I don't think you're going to get anywhere

[shirley]

I think you are being very kind and imho paying way over the odds for living in s room that doesn't sound very nice, do they not have savings, entitled to benefits etc. They also own other properties! Why dont they sell one of them, i think you are being taken advantage of. I would never do this to my kids, just seems odd.
On the hoarding side, i have no advice, again sounds so odd. You really need to do whats best for you and your husband, xx

[EssexSue]

I found this really sad because the house could actually be big enough for you all to happily live in with your own space.
I do have problems with hoarding and also overbuying, I find it each easier to get rid of things if they are going to be of use, like clothing to the teenage trust charity in TKMax. I have a sentimental attachment to things too and have lots of things made, drawn or written by my now adult children.

[Posiesmum]

My mother was a hoarder up until her death earlier this year. It is a mental illness and can’t be reasoned away. It is often triggered by a loss in childhood, my mother’s father was lost on the North Atlantic convoys during the war, she was 13. Her problem became worse after my fathers death in 2010. I won’t go into too much detail, but the house became infested with rats and she was living in squalor . We cleared the house many times resulting in screaming rows. The situation only resolved when she was admitted to hospital shortly before her death and social services became involved. She never returned home. This book helped, but I had to read it in short bursts!
google/shopping/pr...:1,prmr:1,cs:1

[wdw-wanderer]

I think the wartime mentality has a bit to do with hoarding - my late Mum would always keep little bits of string in a jug on the windowsill ‘to come in handy’ - I suppose you never threw anything out that could possibly be used/needed when you never knew what could happen in the future. She could never understand why people kept changing carpets, furniture, curtains etc when the original ones were perfectly good, not worn out and had years of life left in them!

[mrs rcch]

My father wasn’t a hoarder as such, but he did hang onto things “just in case ,you never know when it will come in handy”. He kept all sorts of random things in the garage and shed. Stuff that should have been thrown away years earlier, he did re use/re cycle stuff in the garden... broken trouser coat hangers, clips were removed and held up the tomato’s in the greenhouse .
We believe his “collection” stemmed from his childhood, he came from a very poor background, and was scared as an adult of going back to being penniless , so he kept things, ensuring he didn’t have to spend money unnecessarily.

[Grumps Mrs]

My in-laws have a 3 bed semi that is crammed with stuff that FiL says "will come in handy". He says the same about all the stuff in the garage and the extra storage unit he built. It has now spread to the cottage he bought to "renovate". He's almost 80 and retired on medical grounds nearly 40 years ago, but still insists that he'll fix it up "once he feels better" ! 😲
My poor MiL tries to clean around it all but it's a losing battle for her - think it's going to take multiple skips at some point as very little of it is actually useful/salvageable.

[FlorayG]

I feel very sad for you. This isn't something you can fix - if they don't want to declutter you can't make them. If it's causing you major stress then move out. If they have to sell that house in order to survive they will have to clear it out.
I really really feel for you it must be awful when you don't understand them and they don't understand you either. But you have your own lives to live.