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Old 13 Oct 20, 11:52 AM  
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amy56
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Terminally ill family members

Hi all,

I was just wondering if anyone else in a similar position to me and what they are doing/going to do in relation to any current/future lockdown changes.

My mum has a terminal lung condition and has now been told there is nothing more they can do for her, and theyíve put an Ďend of lifeí plan in place.

Last week I truly thought it was the end and that we were in the last few days of mums life. However, she has rallied round and has started to eat again and is even out of bed - itís terrific!

But whilst I donít think we are in the Ďlast few daysí stage anymore, I have very real fears that if we were to go to a level 2 or 3 lockdown and not allowed to visit other households, then I can see mums mental health declining very rapidly, which in turn will rapidly speed up the end of her life (the reason mum declined so rapidly last week was because she spent four days in hospital alone and had four doctors come to her separately to talk about end of life and it frightened her so much she just gave up - but being able to see myself and the grandchildren helped her so much once she was home again).

Fortunately (or unfortunately in terms of social bubbles!), mum lives with my stepdad, so I canít form a social bubble with her, but Iím just wondering if there is a policy somewhere that allows close family members to visit those terminally ill?

I found an article about Nicola sturgeon saying that someone in Scotland could absolutely visit their terminally ill relative, but I canít find anything specific here.

Iím an only child, so it wouldnít be several family members visiting, and my mum and stepdad donít go anywhere, so they arenít a risk to us, if anything we are the risk to them - but at this point mum hasnít really got anything to fear other than not seeing us for whatever time she has left.

I donít want to break any rules, but we are in such a heartbreaking situation, that Iím just praying our area stays in tier one - although we are in a university town which has only avoided further lockdown measures as they know that currently our large increase is literally on the university campus.
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Old 13 Oct 20, 11:56 AM  
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I'm so sorry for you and your Mum, the rules wouldn't come into it for me.. Spend as much time as you can with your Mum xx
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Old 13 Oct 20, 12:03 PM  
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sharonb
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My heart goes out to you, my died of lung cancer that had spread to her brain so I know exactly what you are going through. To be honest my hairdresserĎS dad is on end of life even though heís only 56 and during the lockdown she stayed away for a while because obviously she was worried about giving him anything but in the end she couldnít stay away as she said she only has one dad and wanted to spend the rest of his time with him. I know it was against the rules but it was best for her and her dad.

Iím not sure on the rules but I know personally if it had been my mum even if I wasnít suppose to see her I would have to, the thought of someone I love dying and not being there would kill me. As a family we have lived by all the rules put in place but nothing would stop me being there for my Mum.

Iím thinking of you all going through this awful time at one of the most difficult times there has been and Iím sorry I couldnít help with the rules.

Sharon
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Old 13 Oct 20, 12:09 PM  
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paw
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My cousin was in a similar position in the first lockdown, however her Mum lived alone. Her Mum was under the care of the end of life team and they provided PPE and allowed her to visit every day.
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Old 13 Oct 20, 12:12 PM  
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ERICSMUM
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Personally I would ignore the rule, on compassionate grounds.

The important thing is how well could you and others you live with manage to maintain social distancing etc to minimise you getting covid ?

So sorry for you all, cancers are wicked diseases.
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Old 13 Oct 20, 12:15 PM  
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kiwiinabd
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If it was me in this sad situation I would visit your mum but socially distance from your step dad.

I would not be worried about breaking any lockdown type rules ! I cannot see them ever prosecuting someone for visiting their mum in these circumstances !

All the best for you & your mum.
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Old 13 Oct 20, 12:16 PM  
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duchy
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My mother in law had a massive stroke in the summer, she never recovered significantly and remained in hospital until she died a month later.
The stroke unit were amazing and despite restrictions we could sit by her bed singularly (had to wear aprons ) daily for short visits. In her last few days they removed all restrictions except the apron. Some other patients werenít permitted visitors at all however.
However she died just before she was going to be moved to a hospice where visiting was far more restrictive (one short visit once a week by only one person) .
In your shoes Iíd isolate as far as possible except for visiting her and do my best to keep her at home for as long as is practically possible. The rules have always exceptioned helping someone in need . If you were unlucky enough to get fined then youíd have grounds to appeal.
Iím very much for sticking to the rules but there are genuine life changing exceptions and this is one of them in my personal opinion.
Wi
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Old 13 Oct 20, 12:21 PM  
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macadoo
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Sorry to hear about your mom.

We were in the same position last year without the complication of covid, had it been this year I would be ignoring any rules and spending as much time with them as possible. I would take any precautions you can to protect your step dad.

Edited at 12:23 PM.
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Old 13 Oct 20, 12:23 PM  
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fl-veteran
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So sorry to hear this.

My advice to you would be to plan for her to stay at home and not be admitted to hospital / hospice under any circumstances (make sure her doctor is aware of this in advance). That way matters stay under her / your control.

The lockdown rules are specificaly for "Social gatherings". Saying goodbye to a loved one is not a social gathering.
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Old 13 Oct 20, 12:30 PM  
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enjibenji
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My dear mum died a couple of years ago with lung disease, I wouldn't even think twice about it. Take care.
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