Admitting defeat...

[2littleboys]

This is a bit of a feeling sorry for myself post but Im at a loss today and don't really know where to turn...

Most of my Dibb friends will remember that I posted earlier in the year about my mums health as she took a brain haemorrhage which has left her with lasting brain damage. My dad also has early onset Alzheimer's disease and is struggling massively with his short term memory.

They were both doing ok there for a while but over the past week my mum has went downhill again and she has been admitted to hospital where it has been discovered she has had another 2 mini strokes and she has possible fluid on the brain, she had a lumbar puncture last night and we are waiting on results. I am just struggling with the aggression and "manic" behaviour that has happened to my mum, its constant and is just becoming exhausting for me to cope with. I honestly don't know what to do, I try to talk to her and she becomes so aggressive and is constantly angry. As she is in hospital I am left in sole charge of my dad again who doesn't know what day of the week it is and cant even make a slice of toast, all this whilst trying to work full time and look after my own children has really just broke me today.

I am currently sitting at work and cant stop the tears and I am just not in a good place mentally. I don't know if anybody can offer any advice its becoming so bad I feel like "avoiding" my parents but I know I cant do that...

[Guest]

I am so sorry to hear this. I can't even imagine how hard this is and there was me feeling down because dd has been upset at her new school. Certainly puts things in perspective for me.
I have no advice but do you have anyone that can help take the load off ? Really hope things start to look up soon and you get some help x

[Guest]

Sorry can't offer any advice but didn't want to read and run. Does the Alzheimer's organisations offer any support for families?

[parisdisneyfan]

If writing this post helps then it's not moaning. Sending you big hugs, no advice except try to get some help from somewhere - CAB might be able to tell you where. It is so hard being grown up 😢

[Fuellady]

Didn't want to read and run... I have recently been in a similar (but not as bad) situation with my Mum. She was ill earlier this year with pneumonia and never really recovered fully. In July she took gastroenteritis and a uti and it really wiped her out.

She phoned me in the middle of the night saying she was going to be sick so I pulled on some clothes and ran over there. She was really ill so I phoned NHS24 and waited for a doc to come out. I finally got home one hour before I had to go get up for work. This was the first day.

She didn't get any better, and as my sister was on holiday I was having to go over in the morning before work to get her breakfast and wash her, then back again at lunch to see if she was fit to eat anything, same again after work and then go back over to sort her out at bedtime again. So 4 times a day as well as my full time job and my own family.

When my sister came home from holiday we started splitting up the care and eventually my sister contacted social services after a few weeks. They put my mum into respite care in a home for 2 weeks which gave her time to recover a bit and gave my sister and myself a bit of a break.

That 2 weeks break were a godsend, after doing all that care for about 6 weeks I just couldn't take any more. Things are much better now Mum is home, she is managing to do more for herself and we only go over at bedtime now.

I know my situation is different in that your parents situation is ongoing, but is respite care an option at all? Is there anyone else who can help you with the care?

Hope you get something sorted out soon. Remember to look after yourself as well.

[nickymouse66]

You could try your local social services, see if they can offer anything useful (I know many are struggling due to cuts, but it may be worth a shot) also Age UK may be able to offer some useful contacts or help.
So sorry for your situation, I hope things improve for you...

[DISNEYLIZ]

I don't know what to say, so I am sending you a massive hug.

[Bazinga 39]

Sorry no real advice but it sounds very stressful, is there anyone who can help ease the load? You must look after yourself too, hope things improve x

[Dinxylady]

Hi there,

My Dad had a brain haemorrhage 3 Years ago, he spent 2 years in hospital and is now home under the care of my Mum, he has complex needs and also suffers with confusion and mood swings. This can be anything from a slight temp or a conversation that can cause anxiety that kicks off his "Dory Fish" tendencies.

My Mum has a support worker that she was put in touch with when my Dad came out of rehab. We also use HEADWAY for those times Mum is struggling. Mum has a carer that comes in twice a week so she can have some respite, her carer's allowance pays for most of this although she has to top it up a little.

First port of call would be establishing a contact via your parents GP for who could help with your Mum and dad's needs, you need help and support. If they are no help then contact Headway in your local area.

You have to remind yourself it's the brain injury that is making your Mum so manic, its not your Mum. We had months and months of this while Dad was getting better, he had to learn to walk, talk and swallow all over again, his moods were always worse when the fluid build up in the pocket of the brain that was damaged. Its almost like the pressure would short circuit him, he was like a computer rebooting if that makes any sense.

I hope you are okay, I understand how hard it is to watch them suffer so much and you do feel completely helpless.

[DEBS&DAN]

Sorry don't really know what to say to you except that I am thinking of you. It all sounds like it is becoming too much. Perhaps a visit to your own Doctor would be good for you as it sounds as though you are dealing with so much at the moment, you have to also look after yourself. Take care xxx