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Old 18 Feb 19, 11:16 PM  
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#11
3disneykids
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Originally Posted by Jan View Post
In the hierarchy of things I thought that you were your mum’s next of kin and your mum’s sibling/s were lower down the pecking order. I think you need to have a face to face chat with the person at the top who is in charge of your mum’s care to try and sort out things. You might have to take over and be the person who keeps family and friends updated on a daily basis. Good luck!
Agree with this me and my sister didn't have POA but when we called we were given information. Pretty much all the nursing staff knew us personally so maybe the face to face thing would be a good idea.
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Old 18 Feb 19, 11:16 PM  
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Such tough times.

Your power of attorney only comes into effect if your mum is assessed as lacking capacity. This is a decision by decision basis so it may be some smaller decisions she could make even if not really big ones. For example she may be able to consent to remaining in hospital but not able to consent to longer term plans.

As others have said you should make an appointment to see her consultant, they should share their thoughts and plans and ensure your power of attorney is written down in her notes. Don’t be offended if they ask to see the paperwork for both health and welfare. Families sometimes say they have authority when legally they don’t so professionals needs to ensure they are acting within the law.

Hope you get some more clarity and care

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Old 18 Feb 19, 11:52 PM  
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Floridag1rl
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We have been going through a situation similar to yours with my MIL, both my DH and myself have power of attorney for health and welfare and finances, you literally have to give them a copy of your POA and your Mum may also have to agree that she want this to be used or they totally ignore it. Even though we have a copy of the POA in MIL file the nursing home administrator didn't check her files and got MIL to sign documents. These documents were then sent to us to sign as MIL had already told the nursing home she wanted us to act for her and use the POA. This was done only after DH complained. We are finding the NHS and the council are playing possum between each other and we are struggling to get a continuous health care assessment done at the moment. I wish you luck with sorting your situation out but I believe it will involve you taking a trip to the hospital.
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Old 19 Feb 19, 12:33 AM  
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I have lasting power of attorney for my mom (I also had it for my dad but he sadly passed away last October). The hospital should not speak to anyone other than the people who have POA, so you should inform them of this, you may have to let them have a copy of it (I emailed mine), and that any decisions about her future should be discussed with you. Any decision as to where she goes or what happens should be fully discussed with you and nothing should be planned without you being involved. They are actually breaking confidentiality if your sister does not have POA. When my father was in hospital and they wanted to discuss DNR (do not resuscitate) they discussed it with me even though my mom was there which is what both my parents wanted. They didn't want to have to make any decisions and that is why some three years previously (when my dad was diagnosed with vascular dementia) they made a will and POA for both of them through a solicitor. I always discussed everything with my mom but her reply was always 'what you think is best'. She knew dad was at end of life but didn't really want to make the decisions. It was hard but she knew I had both their interests at heart. Make sure you make it clear to the hospital that you at POA and you want to be involved. Hope things improve and no decisions are necessary.
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Old 19 Feb 19, 01:35 AM  
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100% if you are named on the POA your are in charge of your mum's affairs if she is incapable.
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Old 19 Feb 19, 08:51 AM  
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3disneykids
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Sorry was just thinking about this but as you have POA couldn't you give consent for them to inform your DSIL on your mum if she is her main carer surely it would make sense for her to be informed of what is going on n therefore you will be informed properly. I agree with teh comment earlier abut having to inform multiple family members. Have you thought about something simple like a group Whatsapp where whoever visits or has called can relay that information once but to everyone who needs it . I know this doesn't solve the POA side of things I was just trying to offer a practical solution. Though it seems your sister is currently trying to make information communication much more difficult.
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Old 19 Feb 19, 11:44 AM  
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Originally Posted by 3disneykids View Post
Agree with this me and my sister didn't have POA but when we called we were given information. Pretty much all the nursing staff knew us personally so maybe the face to face thing would be a good idea.
Exactly the same for Olga, me and our brother. The GP and then doctors at the hospital were very willing to tell us what was going on. We didn’t have POA - Mum was fine until her last eeek and we didn’t need it.

Mum was in hospital for the week until she died and the doctors, nurses and healthcare assistants kept us informed about everything thy were doing in their respective jobs. The three of us decided how much to tell Mum and to be honest it wasn’t much.

We were in and out all day and all the staff were very caring and honest with us. It sounds odd but this reduced the stress of the situation because we could prepare ourselves.

If you don’t have this level of support, I agree with the suggestion of speaking to PALS.

Edited at 11:46 AM.
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Old 19 Feb 19, 03:20 PM  
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daisymae
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Thanks for the replies everyone. I am going to see if mum gets out tomorrow and back to her accommodation and after that I will get in touch with whoever deals with POA and make sure it’s noted. The previous time this happened the hospital did phone my brother for permission to put her on a ventilator so it must be noted down somewhere. My sister said to my sil did my brother and I have full power of attorney or just finance, when sil said yes my sister said oh I didn’t know that, so I don’t know what she’s been telling the staff. The POA was taking out because my dad was dying and mum was not very well and could no way look after herself or finances and dad wanted her protected from being taken advantage of by some of my siblings (families eh! ) and he only trusted my brother and I. Unfortunately dad died as soon as he knew I had everything in place for them. Since then out of 7 siblings my brother and I are the only ones who are constant in her life. She suffers from severe anxiety amongst other things. She can make small decisions but tends to say what she thinks they want the answer to be. If they were to tell her anything about what was happening as soon as they leave she would be asking what that was about as she didn’t understand.
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